Hello! So this is for the Artie stan Secret Santa thingy, specifically written for Fi (who is currently sartietinsel on Tumblr) and I don't have Photoshop and even if I did, it'd be the worst goddam graphic ever made so I figured I'd write a fic. It's set before Hold On To Sixteen, so the whole thing about the ReWalk being broken isn't true either because I had headcanons for that thing and goddamn it I will use them!

Anyway, Fi, and everyone else reading this, Merry Christmas!

…

Artie was feeling more and more dubious about this road trip with his cousin. Not that he didn't like Jeremy, but he was definitely the – Artie hated to describe him like this, but it was the best way – typical flamboyant gay. The kind who didn't care who gave a damn about him. Artie respected this mannerism, but agreeing to travel across America to "see the world, buddy! And where better to start than right at home?" with him was starting to sound like a bad idea.

Once Jeremy had arrived, complete with an all-new tongue piercing, Artie grabbed his bags and said goodbye to his parents. "What was that?" Jeremy asked as they walked out the door.

"What was what?" Artie asked in reply.

"That frame thingy," Jeremy gestured to the now-closed door.

"Oh, you mean my ReWalk?" Artie asked with a smile. "Yeah, I use that around the house. Can't really at school; I'd just fall over all the time!"

"Aw, well, I'm glad you're getting better," Jeremy smiled.

"So where are you taking me first?" Artie asked, feeling slightly more relaxed.

"Strip club."

So much for the relaxed atmosphere. "Jer, please tell me you're joking."

"Nope! I've gotta christen you as a true Abrams!" he grinned.

Artie rolled his eyes. At least it ought to be fun watching Jeremy react to a woman taking her clothes off.

…

"Jeremy…There's an awful lot of women here…Is this some kind of lesbian club?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"What? Of course not!" Jeremy laughed. "You really think I'd sit here and willingly watch a woman strip for my entertainment?" he gestured to himself at the word 'my' and threw his head back with wild laughter. "Oh, Artie. You never cease to crack me up."

"Then…Oh, Jeremy, you didn't…I'm straight!" Artie hissed.

"Just wait until you see the dancers. There's one here called White Chocolate – bit too young for me but I could probably hook you up," Jeremy offered.

"I don't need hooking up with any guys!"

"Uh-huh," Jeremy didn't sound convinced.

…

"Give it up for White Chocolate!"

"Artie, this is him!"

He heard women scream and looked over to see a male jump onto the stage. He was wearing a tightly-fitting white shirt and equally as revealing black pants. He ran and slid across the small stage on his knees, coming to a halt just in front of the audience. His bright blonde hair had fallen into his eyes slightly, but you could still see a gleam of green. He smirked as the women tried to grab at him, backing away slowly and shaking his finger, pointing to the sign on the wall that forbade customers to touch the workers. He stood up to full height again and Artie suddenly recognised him; "Sam."

Artie shook his head, looking again to see that Sam was looking right at him. The blonde's eyes widened but, when he saw Artie's reaction, he smirked, winked and beckoned Artie closer. Artie pushed the chair slightly closer. He was now in with the crowd of women, who were all either screaming or telling Sam to take off his top. Sam looked at them questioningly, as if he didn't know what they meant. The first few buttons of his shirt were already undone, but he pointed at the next fastened one with the same puzzled look. The screaming got louder, and he unbuttoned it, smirking. Artie was pretty sure he was going to become deaf if he stayed with these girls any longer.

Sam had noticed this, unknowing to Artie, and sped up undoing the rest of his shirt before throwing it lazily at Artie. It landed on his shoulder, but before Artie could do anything about it, several women were pulling it from him, fighting over who got it. Artie tutted at them and started to back away before chancing another look at Sam. The lighting had changed slightly to reflect perfectly to display Sam's muscular physique. The shadows made the grooves more defined and…Well, it was stirring Artie, to say the least. But it shouldn't be stirring him – that's his best friend on stage taking his clothes off. So why couldn't Artie take his eyes off of Sam? And why was Sam so flirty? Oh right, Artie realised, probably part of the act.

Sam raised his eyebrows challengingly at Artie, as if to say, 'Leaving so soon?' Artie shook his head and took yet another step closer. Sam smirked again before moving his hips to the music playing in the background. His fingers played around his belt buckle as he kicked off his shoes and socks, but let's face it, nobody was paying attention to his feet. He slowly snapped the buckle out of place, yet whipped it out at an alarming speed, dropping it to the floor next to him. He licked the tip of his finger and stroked it down his body, causing the 'girls' as Artie now referred to them as in his head to screech even louder, yet to Artie they became quieter. His ears clouded as all sound was muffled except for an increasing rhythm pounding in his ears. He swallowed hard as his heart kept thrashing in his head.

He watched as Sam's thumbs hooked over the rim of his pants, biting his lip in anticipation. He groaned with disappointment when Sam removed his hands, head shaking. Sam noticed this and laughed, before suddenly grabbing at the thighs and ripping the pants clean off. Artie didn't even realise that he was cheering until he saw Sam grinning wickedly at him. He was now wearing nothing but a leopard-print thong that left next-to-nothing to the imagination. He kept raising his hands to his ears, and Artie presumed that he was encouraging everyone to cheer louder. Artie kept himself occupied by taking a sip of his drink, eyes still transfixed on Sam's body. Sam walked around the outside of the stage, stopping suddenly in line with Artie. He stood facing Artie, taking a few steps back into the centre with the same smirk on his face as before and, when the music came to a halt, pulling the last remaining garment off and throwing it to the edge of the stage as the lights switched off.

Artie just stood there, mouth agape at what he'd just seen, and who he'd seen. Sam was – he went to school with Sam! He was in glee club with Sam! And he was doing something like that for money…He knew things were bad at home for Sam, but he didn't think they'd be this bad! He felt someone tap him on the shoulder and turned to see a burly security guard. "You're wanted out back," he growled. Artie nodded, following the guard immediately. He had no idea why he was 'wanted' – were the male workers only for women's viewing? No, because they'd have thrown Jeremy out, too… "Second door," the security guard grumbled.

Artie gulped. "Thanks," he nodded hoarsely, now having a pretty good idea who was on the other side of the door.

His suspicions were confirmed when his knock on the door was answered with a "Come in!" He recognised the low Tennessee accent immediately. He let himself in, shakily greeting, "H-hello, Sam."

"Didn't expect you of all people to show up," Sam smirked. "Kurt was my best guess. Maybe a girl. But I didn't think you were into this!" he raised his eyebrows as he tied his dressing gown up.

"Oh, I – I'm not, my cousin, he –"

"So now you're saying you didn't like what you saw? Because your eyes told me something else."

"Who even are you anymore, Sam?" Artie suddenly blurted out. "Flirting with me so openly like this, that isn't you! Taking your clothes off for guys and girls of the world to see all your junk, that's not you either! You know, the Sam Evans that left McKinley in June was my best friend. My only best friend. The only guy who ever truly understood me and what I like. And sure, he had some tough times, but he got through 'em! He didn't need to do all of this to prove it. And I believed in that Sam Evans. This one," he gestured to where Sam stood now, "I can't believe." Artie shook his head.

There were a few moments of stunned silence, and a tear rolled down Sam's cheek. "W-wow," he murmured.

"Sam…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that, I mean –"

"You think I like being like this?" Sam asked furiously. "You think that I want to go out there and shame my family? Of course I don't! I hate this stinkin' job! But I have to take it! I'm only here because it pays well enough to keep the family fed and clothed and sheltered for the night. You know how hard it is to get a job? Extremely, Artie! It's just all so hard," Sam started to break down.

Artie rolled over and patted his arm. "Sam. Please listen to me." Sam rubbed his eyes and looked down at Artie. "I'm genuinely sorry. I know you don't want to do this, but – that doesn't mean you have to!"

"Yes, I do, Artie!" He knelt next to his friend. "What other choice do I have?"

"You have tons. Back in Lima, they're looking for temp staff all over the place! Just keep getting those jobs and you'll be rolling in it," Artie smiled.

Sam chuckled quietly. "You're so naïve, you know that? I can't guarantee that I'll get every job. And even then, you're talking about Ohio, which is, what, 4, maybe 5 hours away? I can't afford it, Artie."

"So come and stay with my family. We'll take you in; hey, you could keep a job at my mom's bakery! How good are you at baking?" Sam shrugged. "Sam," Artie took the blonde boy's hand and smiled softly. "I was wrong before. You're still the same Sam Evans you've always been. You're just trying to grow up too fast. Slow down. Come back to McKinley. You can't rejoin the football team now, it's too late, but you can come back to Glee! Everyone'll love to see you again. And I'd love to see you back where you belong; in school."

Sam laughed again, before looking up at Artie. "Thanks, man. I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

"Don't be," Artie put his hand on Sam's shoulder and rubbed it sympathetically. "Really. I deserved it," Artie put his hands up innocently.

"You didn't. You were just trying to bring me back down to Earth." Sam dived in and quickly pecked Artie on the corner of the mouth, the only way he could really show his gratitude. "I'm glad you came tonight."

Artie, still a little shocked by the kiss, shook his head. "Er, not at all! I mean, I guess I am, too."

"What, 'cause you got me to go back to Lima?"

"That, and I realised something tonight. Well, I guess I…Kinda always knew it, but I'm certain now."

"What is it, Artie?"

Artie pulled Sam back down and kissed him again. "That," he laughed.

"Then we've been thinking the same thing for a while," Sam chuckled.

"Awesome."