I woke up, before realizing I wish I hadn't woken up. My eyes burned with pain, they were still swollen from all the crying I had been doing last night. I lifted my hands, bringing them into view of my eyes, to see cuts all over them. I tried bending one of my fingers, but I stopped after I felt pain shoot up my whole body. I rolled over, and realized my whole body hurt. I tried to rub my eyes to get the crud out, but my hands were too bruised and cut to have too much pressure on them.
This was the first day I woke up, without her next to me. The first day I'm going to have to live without her. The birds weren't chirping this morning. Kyla wasn't even making any noise. Why does everything have to be so quiet, to leave me to my thoughts? My eyes stung with the salty tears, as I remembered last night's events.
"Ashley, write me a song, a beautiful song. I want to hear your imagination run free," Spencer smiled at me. Her smile made my whole stomach flutter. I always felt like I was floating around her.
"For you Spencer, I'd do anything," I pulled out my guitar, placing it on my legs. I hit a few cords, before finding the one I liked. I hit note after note on the guitar, trying to find the perfect rhythm to please my darling. I began singing, all my emotions flowing into the song.
"Ashley it's beautiful," she said to me, placing her head onto my shoulder. I was in bliss; I knew I was in love. This was love.
"Spencer, I love you," I said it so dreamily.
She didn't respond to me. I began to feel frantic, my mind was racing, why hasn't she said it back yet? "Spencer?" I asked to make sure she was still alive.
"Ashley," she said with a serious tone. Only bad could happen now. I felt myself inching away from her. My heart began pounding against my chest; she wasn't in love with me anymore. The love I feel means nothing to her. Why did she make me write her song for her only to break up with me?
"Spencer why?" My voice wavered. I felt a lump develop in my throat; I knew I was holding back tears. Every time I blinked my vision got blurrier, until the tears began rolling down my cheeks, but I refused to cry loudly. I let the tears run down, until I took a deep sharp breath in, hoping it wasn't too obvious I was crying.
"Ashley," was all that Spencer could say. She knew she was breaking me. Not just my heart, but me as a whole. She couldn't let herself tell me the truth, for the fear that she could really hurt me. But it was already too late, it hurt more that she couldn't tell me. I stood in despair; I didn't know what to do. I wanted more than anything to hold Spencer, and beg for her back. I looked into her eyes, and she looked away. "Ashley," she said again.
I refused to listen to her; I didn't want to hear anything she has to say to me. "Spencer you're nothing to me now," I lied. I had to lie to myself, so it wouldn't hurt so much. With every second longer Spencer stayed, the further she was pushing a knife into my heart. "You're dead to me. Leave," I began crying loudly. I fell to the floor, covering my face with my hands.
"Ashley," she said again, touching my shoulder slightly. The touch sent jolts through my body, the familiar touch and love, made the pain all worse. "No!" I screamed, "Get out! Just leave…" I mumbled the last line.
"You don't understand," Spencer finally said something besides my name. But that didn't I wanted her any less out of my room. I wanted her out of my life, before I was totally broken. Totally gone. "Please just leave," I begged.
She finally walked to the door, and took one last glance at the pathetic me, before leaving. Why did she do that to me? Why did she lie to me? Why did I have to feel love? I screamed in rage. I was upset; my first love just destroyed me. I ran over to the mirror, to stare at the image that no one could ever love.
I was just a lost soul; no one would ever truly find me. I raised my fist at my mirrored image. "You're nothing!" I screamed at myself. "She always hated you, why couldn't you have realized it?" I slammed my fist into the mirror, and I repeated this motion over and over with both my fists, until each shard of glass was either on the floor or in my hands.
"Ashley!" Kyla screamed running over to me. She grabbed my body, and pulled me close to hers. She gently pulled out the pieces of glass from my hands, and soothed me until I was calm, placing me on my bed, shushing me to sleep.
I walked over to the remnants of the mirror. Blood was everywhere; I was too blind last night to see the damage I had really caused. I bent to my knees, and picking up one of the shards, I stared into it, and I saw a demon. The demon was I. I dropped the glass after realization had poured over me; I heard it shatter as it hit the other pieces of glass. I paced in circles in my room, like a wild animal stuck in its cage. I roared, hoping something or someone would hear the pain that had built up inside of me.
There was a presence of someone in my room. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was. "What are you doing here?" My words shot at her coldly.
"Ashley, you don't understand. I wasn't going to break up with you," her words hit me as though I reacted stupidly yesterday. Which seemed true now, but I needed more out of her. Why didn't she respond to me then? "Ashley, I was just reminiscing over the song you wrote me, I was in my own world. I'm telling the truth," I felt her body press against me, pulling me into a hug. "Ashley, I love you. I love you with all my heart."
I felt my whole body rise again. I was still rising, before I realized I was no longer with my body. I had noticed from above that my physical self had gone limp in Spencer's arms. To die of a broken heart is a true tragedy.