Life and Times of Tekken
Ch. 1: Tekken Interviews
A/N: I know I'm supposed to be working on "Killing Jin Kazama," but I just had this really crazy idea and just had to type it down before I forget. This is pretty random.
Disclaimer: No. I'll own it when Kunimitsu shows her face, which is just not gonna happen folks. Right?
Random Reporter 1: And here we are at the Who-knows-where auditorium!
Random Reporter 2: I have a very special report for you! I and two other very beautiful reporters—
Random Reporter 3: Stuff it, freak.
Random Reporter 2: We have teamed up to kidnap—
Random Reporter 1: Nice going idiot, now they now of our evil plans.
Random Reporter 2: —I mean convinced the members of the Golden Fist Contest—
Random Reporter 1: Its Iron Fist Tournament, moron!
Random Reporter 3: You're both wrong, bakas! Sorry, that slipped out in Japanese. It's King of Iron Fists Tournament! Don't you people know anything?
Random Reporter 2: You're just saying that 'cause I'm Korean!
Random Reporter 1: It's 'cause I'm Philipino isn't? Well, excuse me!
Random Reporter 3: No, it's because I got stuck with you two morons!
Random Reporter 1: This is going no where. Ok, we have persuaded them to give us an exclusive interview.
Random Reporter 2: Then what are we waiting for?
Random Reporter 3: What did I do to get stuck with those morons?
—Inside the auditorium—
Jin: So this is what the heroes of the world have come to…giving pointless interviews with an annoying paparazzi.
Kazuya: Idiots, I would kill them…only if I felt like it. They better shut up, before my Devil slaughters them all.
Lee: How pathetic, you don't know the wrath of the fans, do you?
Kazuya: No, obviously. They can't be any harder to defeat then my old man.
Jun: Now, now you three. Be nice to those wonderful people.
Asuka: Yeah, wonderful annoying people.
Jun: That's it! All of you, no TV for a month!
Jin and Asuka: Awwwww…..
Kazuya: Nice job, morons.
Lee: Way to go, weirdo.
Anna: I supposed we should get this over with.
Nina: You're right for once.
Hwoarang: Ok, let's start with you in the back.
Random Jin Fan: OH MY GOD!!! JIN?! I LOVE YOU!!!! MARRY ME YOU SEXY BEAST!!! (faints, gets carted away)
Hwoarang: WHAT ABOUT ME?! I'M TWICE AS SEXY THEN THAT IDOIT!!
Random Hwoarang Fan: AHHHHHH!!!!! HHHWWWOOOAAARRRAAANNNGGG!!!!! GET OVER HERE AND KISS ME YOU SEXY—
Hwoarang: Never mind.
Nina: How about actual questions? How about you not in the back? (points to a random person in the front)
Random Kazuya Fan: Hey! Sexy! Over here! (Kazuya glances at the fanatic, fanatics faints, get carted off)
Jun: Kazuya Mishima! Look what you made her do! Go over there and apologize!
Kazuya: But, I can't help it! I'm just too damn sexy!
Jun: Now.
Kazuya: Yes ma'am.
Lee Choalan: Hey, you! (fangirl shrieks) Let's go out after this!
Fan girl: (Jumps up and down screaming her head off.)
Anna: (smacks Lee upside his head)
Heihachi: Sane questions please.
Random Person: I think there's a question that we're all probably dying to know.
Hwoarang: Spill it.
The same random person: Who's dating whom in your group? WE'RE ALL DYING TO KNOW!
—awkward silence—
Jin: You just had to encourage them, did you?
Kazuya: You know what, Jun? I'm just gonna go apologize to that girl, right now.
Lee: Stay, cone-head.
Jin: (smacks himself on the forehead) Why didn't I see this coming?
What do you mean "who's dating whom???" it's perfectly clear! Steve and Lili of course!
Steve and Lili: What?!
What are you talking about?! It's sooo Lili and Hwoarang!
Hwoarang: Eww…why stick me with a dumb blonde?
Lili: Who are you calling a dumb blonde, you moronic redhead?!
You two are both wrong! Jin's gay! It's Jin and Hwoarang all the way! (Jin and Hwoarang gaped at each other in horror)
Well, if Jin's gay, then it's Jin and Steve! (Steve glanced at Jin in a horrific way)
All you people are nuts! Jin's not gay, but its Kazuya and Lee! Look at the way Lee looks at him! (Kazuya turns green)
That's disgusting! They're related!
Kazuya and Jun!
No durr! They're the couple of the century!
Jun's supposed to be dead, it's Kazuya and Michelle from now on! (Jun looks insulted)
Everyone knows its Jin and Xiaoyu!
Xiaoyu: Crud, I was hoping that I would stay out of this.
But, Jin ignores her all the time! It's about time Xiaoyu forgets about Jin and should start dating Hwoarang!
They don't look good together!
Oh, for crying out loud, it's Christie and Eddy!
Pfft. They're pairing is so old.
Nu-uh, Christie was a newbie two Tekkens ago!
Heihachi: What about me?!
Quiet old hag, no one likes you.
I go with Lee and Hwoarang!
Omg! Have you actually seen them sleep together?!
What the hell do you mean?! Lee's like 20 years older than Hwoarang!
It's totally Jin and Julia!
They don't even know each other!
I say Nina and Anna! (the Williams sister looks utterly shocked)
Ugh! They're sisters for Pete's sake!
Well, I go with Asuka and Jin!
Hell no! No one's getting their hands on my Jinny! (Jin turned pale at that nickname)
Hwoarang: We should leave while we still have our dignity.
Jin: Dude, dignity left a long time ago.
Lee: But I have to go out with that hot chick!
Kazuya: Never mind that, but we need to have a serious discussion about the way you've been looking at me.
(The Mishima Family, Nina's family, Lili, and Xiaoyu leaves the stage, leaving their dignity behind)
That was just freakin' random. The one's who decided to not go to on the interviews were pretty damn lucky enough. The other characters will show up soon enough. Throughout this fanfiction, there will be random stories about random characters. You know what to do! R&R!!! And if I get enough, next chapter will be "The Adventures of Steve Box!!!!"