Where I have to be
A youkai finds living worthless. A miko has 28 days left to live.
There she was again.
Sitting on that well, just below the over looking statue of the national's treasure. Pencil in hand, sketchbook on her lap, chewing her lip thoughtfully, staring at the sky.
Was this the fourth time this week? That raven black hair, cut to a neat unique slope. Those amethyst eyes that sparkle in the sunlight. I've memorized everything about her. I could even paint an exact replica of her if I wanted to.
But why was it so hard to leave her?
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be. I'm a criminal, I should be locked up.
I was given a second chance. No, it was my third chance in fact. And they say the third try is always right.
Gawd, I'm staring at her again. Am I a stalker?
Did I just say 'gawd'?
She suddenly looks this way, I stand still. I'm covered by plants, hiding in the bushes if you can't figure it out. It doesn't matter. She can't see me at this distance but I can.
Why? You ask.
Because..
I am a demon.
…
Haha. That's priceless, you laugh. Demons are a mere myth, they don't exist.
But believe me. I am a plant master. A fox demon.
What's a demon doing with a human then, you wonder. To tell you the truth, I don't know. It puzzles me. Makes me frustrated.
But it's okay. I love challenges.
Because I am Youko Kurama.
There he is again.
Kneeling in the bushes 50 feet away. Doesn't his knees hurt? Ah. He's changed to a sitting position.
I know he's a demon. Because I am a miko.
…
Mikos don't exist don't they? I lived in a shrine for all my life and I never believed that demons existed either until one tried to kill me. Life's funny that way.
So if he's a demon, I'm a miko.
I barely sense his well-restrained spirit energy emitting from him. The only reason I know he is there is because I am an experienced miko, trained in the fine arts for years and more in the wild, only me to protect myself.
So how old am I? you ask.
I look 17, but I really am 17. What do I mean?
I've traveled portals for more than 200 years, all in the span of a minute. Impossible, you say. But it's true.
The last journey I made... was a mistake. I found nothing, other than the way back home, and with a souvenir no less. I had a demon bite, from a tiny little bee, of all things.
Should I be happy that I found a way home? Truthfully, I am not. There's no one who is the next of kin alive. I have a guardian of course. Kind to me, but we never really bonded. She was just housing me till I reached my 18th birthday. There is no love involved, and never will be. I know it because, I am a miko.
School? I'd hate to admit this but I just don't work with others. Casual classmates, schoolmates, of course. But someone I could really rely on?
Nada.
Back to the tiny bee. I reached home, collapsing unto the floor, what seemed to my guardian was a girl falling unconscious after her morning jog at the park when I really had just reached home from a different dimension.
Anyway, she took me to the hospital and after scans and checks, they found a unique poison in my blood, one which was unknown to the medical world, meaning, they didn't have a cure, much less an antibiotic to help. Painkiller just made my condition worse, so after weeks of trying, I knew I had no hope. The poison was slowly killing me inside and my spiritual powers, weirdly, did not help. I demanded to be discharged; being in the hospital meant boredom and a waste of money. Knowing that my case had no hope, the doctors eventually let me go and broke to me an important news.
I had 28 days to live.
Isn't life just great?
You know, I always thought how it was to die. Maybe I could ask Yusuke... but he cheated death two times, I want to know what happens after you get your judgment. Hmm… would I be judged as Shuuichi Minamino, the human, or Youko Kurama, the demon? I wonder that all the time. Perhaps I should ask Koenma, other than the fact the Uremeshi-team had been disbanded.
I'm 19 now, living on my own. Occasionally we meet up, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Keiko, Genkai and Yukina. But that's once a year, during Christmas. I haven't seen Hiei for two years, and I doubt I will ever.
I cheated death thrice, in fact. One from a bounty-hunter, one from glass shards, and another from stealing. I should have been given death. Ironically, it was because I had the ability to steal it that helped me to survive.
I should be dead right now. There's nothing to live for, in this world. Family, friends you ask? My mother's perfectly happy with my step-father now, Yusuke has Keiko, Kuwabara has Yukina. Couldn't Hiei have visited just a short while? Are humans really that repulsing?
Maybe they are, I'm thinking like one now.
So here I am, sitting on the well instead of the bushes, twiddling my thumbs, thinking of all the above crap. The scenery's great, this area overlooks the sea. Everything is so clean, so white, and so pure.
A sudden noise behind me breaks my train of thought.
It was her. Early today.
I reach the area I come everyday for my last moments, the usual pencil and sketchbook in hand. But today's different. He was there. It was the demon, sitting so openly on the well I sit on. Briefly analyzing him, I noticed that he actually didn't look demonic at all – no weird hair color (but weird for a Japanese), no pointed ears (they looked..human..), no claws either.
He glanced slightly at me, as if to say I was just an ordinary girl, a total stranger, not important to him at all. So why was he stalking me?
Not to be intimidated, I causally sit next to him, doing my own business like I do every day a week and a half ago. It felt weird having a demon sit next to you without trying to kill you. Maybe he didn't know that I was a miko. Mikos were to have perished 200 years ago; I know it, because I was the last miko. I didn't die. I just traveled dimensions through portals.
I sneaked a peek at the demon. Red hair, green eyes… exotic beautiful would be the phrase to describe his face. Even with his slightly loose clothing I could see that he was quite well built.
Did I just check him out?
But he really could pass for a model… maybe he was?
Without knowing it, I had sketched a quick outline of him. I could feel my face flushing in embarrassment when I realized so. What if he saw it?
I hate it when people who work so damn hard all their lives get beat just because someone has talent comes along. But always wished that I was the one who had the talent. Irony huh.
And I was the one with talent. Okay, maybe not talent. Strength or power I suppose. I was an extreme klutz, take my word for it. When I got pulled into another dimension by a demon who tried to kill me, I accidentally finished it off my just touching it. Suddenly bursts of spiritual energy just flowed from my hands and purified it. I was found by one of the last remaining mikos at that time, and she taught me all she could. According to her, I had an immense amount of power in me. That explains why I can feel demons even if they cloak their power.
Speaking of power… I wonder how strong the demon next to me is…
It has been two hours, and not a word has been spoken between us. It feels awkward; maybe I should have stayed in the bushes. But that night, I questioned myself.
It's a free country right? I could be standing out there and she wouldn't even care I'm there.
She doesn't know I'm a demon right? If she knew, she would have known by now, and either try to kill me or run away.
Oh well. It feels sort of nice to have someone sitting next to you; it feels like you're not so alone.
Alone, loneliness… is that what I am suffering from?
I can feel every demon in demon world laughing now. Youko Kurama has gone soft. So soft that he has human feelings. Well beat it pesky low-lives, I could kill you if I wanted to.
Maybe I should return to Makai. School was such a breeze, it's boring. Hell, I've graduated from University when I was 18 and with the scores I achieved, I could be anything I want to be. Money is not a problem; I know a few demons in human world who can counterfeit money extremely well. You couldn't tell the difference, not unless you know where it came from.
Oo. Little Youko's sinning. I never said I was a saint.
So a year of wandering around I find this girl sitting on the well, doing the same routine everyday for past 11 days I've been watching her. Then I hit myself. I am Youko Kurama for god's sake. I could charm any girl with the swish of my tail. Except I don't have one on this human body. Then I hit myself again. I am Shuuichi Minamino too. The human teenager who had started puberty a few years ago. The tendency to blush whenever a pretty female walks past. I bang my head on an imaginary wall.
Leading double lives is oh so hard.
Time really flies when you talk to yourself. It's getting dark, and I realize I haven't even had lunch, nor did the girl. She stands up to leave, and I watch her as she does so.
Another day pathetically stalking some stranger.
What am I doing?
10 days is left for me, and all the previous days (7 days), the demon and I never uttered a sound between us. It became a habit to see him sitting there before I arrive, but he was leaning against the railing, staring at the sea today. Curious, I set my stationary down and walked up beside him. After minutes of enjoying the cool sea breeze, he spoke.
"I ask myself everyday what I am doing here..."
His voice was surprisingly masculine yet with a touch of softness. It appeared as if he was talking out loud to himself because he gave no indication if anyone heard him at all.
"I ask myself that too," I responded whilst looking ahead. "What am I doing in this place? Why did I choose this place? What am I doing on Earth even? Why was I born, when I will die…?"
His eyes never flickering, he muttered out. "We live on even though we don't know why we live."
"Yeah..."
I think it hit him that he wasn't talking to his consciousness because his eyes widened and he stared at me. It was so comical to catch him off-guard, I burst out laughing before I could control myself. Demons were supposed to be much more alert than humans weren't they? I could tell this demon prided himself in stealth work and it was an extreme rarity to catch him unawares, much less even see his surprised face.
I laughed till I teared – I don't remember laughing this much in all my 17 years.
"Sorry… but demons never gave me that look," I giggled before clamping my hands on my mouth. Shit. I knew he was a demon was never to be known. He shot me an inquiring stare and I fled to the well, away from his gaze.
As expected, he followed me back and continued to ask with his eyes how did I know he was a demon. His eyes were so piercing even that when I tried my best to ignore him and concentrate on the task on hand – which looked like it was turning out to be another picture of him – I eventually gave up and return with another look of mine, saying seriously,
"Fine. I am a miko."
She's a miko?
Wow. I thought mikos became a myth 200 years ago. She wasn't lying I could smell it. And if she was, the only way to hide the smell of lies was to have enough pure spiritual energy to cloak it, and that meant being a miko.
My eyes wandered to her sketchpad. It was a portrait of me, staring wistfully at the sea. I raised an eyebrow, "Are you having some weird fascination of me?"
Her face turned red at that statement before denying it forcefully. "No, I am not! If I had some fascination with you then what about you stalking me for the past 18 days?"
Damn, she's sharp. "That's… my body pulled me here?" I answered lamely.
Body pulled him here huh. Hmm…maybe that's why I choose this place to spend my last days here. My body pulled me here.
Was it a coincidence to meet him here? Or was something to happen because we met? Or am I just reading too much into it?
So anyway, we converse. I find out that he's the ever infamous Youko Kurama (hard to believe but hey. He's a demon, I'm a miko) he finds out I'm some time traveling priestess.
We talk for hours and the only thing he doesn't know is that I'm dying.
The only thing that she doesn't know is about spirit world.
She knows about my desire to die, and she frowns at that. "You were given three chances and you throw it away? What about people who end their first chance without a choice?"
She's furious at what I said, she smacks me. And she hits hard too. Its dark anyway, she leaves for home, stomping off.
I am an idiot. Got her angry and slapped at, all in a days work.
I've been thinking, if I die would meet Koenma, and he would give me my judgment. That's what there is all to death. Not very scary if you think about it. And the supposed grims are ferry girls, cheerful souls like Botan.
Oh my gawd. I slapped him. Realization crashes down this morning that I slapped someone I just got to know yesterday. I reach the designated area as always and I see him there again. Relief washes over but I don't know why. Did I just want to know him more?
He sees me and apologizes. But I comment that his life had nothing to do with me.
It's true, isn't it? So why did I feel guilt when he stared out after my statement? I want to say I'm sorry but the words don't come out. After an hour of silence we somehow got talking again. I tell him my adventures in different worlds; he tells me of a group he was in, fighting other demons.
In times like these, I don't feel like I'm dying.
Doesn't he have school or something? It's not vacation yet, I know that. But I'm not in school either. Its good thing he never asked.
"If you don't mind me asking… shouldn't you be in school?" he asks.
Dang. Just as I had hoped. Not.
"You should be in school too right? University?" I shoot back.
"Finished it a little more than a year ago," he answers back.
"So you have the looks and the brains. You are sure lucky."
"The looks…" he purposefully glances at me sideways.
Oops. Didn't mean to say that out loud.
"So why don't you go school?" I ask her again.
"I'm... moving...soon," she says hesitantly.
"When?"
"In two days."
My heart sinks to the bottom. Just when I found something, something that made my life sort of complete, sort of worth living for, it goes away. I don't know why but I'm still here at the well every morning, waiting for her to arrive. Conversations with her are easy to keep up, interesting to listen to, and sometimes even challenging. She speaks like I do, we think the same way. I just find myself walking to this area everyday, without question. I just know she's important to me when I barely know her.
Am I going insane?
Today's my last day; I'm going to die today. Joy.
I head to the usual spot this time with a parcel in my hand, no pencil, no sketchbook. He is there again, always reaching before I do. How does he wake up so early?
"Hey. I'm leaving today, this is for you," I press the parcel to him. "Open it when you reach home."
And I leave. No goodbyes.
A tear slides down my cheek but I keep walking till I reach home. I'm afraid to die. What happens in the afterlife? Do I get reincarnated, or just perish into nothing-ness? Or do I live a life of luxury or suffer in hell? Does hell exist? Does heaven exist?
All these thoughts rush to my head while I lie in bed feeling too exhausted to move. I close my eyes. It's the poison at work, giving me few more hours left. I feel so tired. Maybe my journey was long enough. 200 years in other worlds. Yeah. I got to know the red haired demon, so it's okay to die. Not it's not. I want to know him more. It feels like he's the only one I have left to lose. Life is unfair… and I'm experiencing it right now.
"And I don't even know his name… was it still Youko Kurama…?" I whisper to the darkness, before falling into a sleep I know I would never awake up from.
She leaves without a word. Maybe she was in a hurry. Holding the parcel in hand, I make off for home and open it.
It was a drawn and painted picture of me and her… sitting by the well like we always do. A smile touches my lips. Something falls to the floor as I hold the picture up to inspect it closer. It was a message.
"Don't think about dying; live for me."
She was right. Maybe I would meet her again in future. But that doesn't stop the wave of sadness that hits me now. She was leaving. And I would never see her in near future. Tears prick at the corner of my eyes.
She was leaving.
She was leaving.
I couldn't do a single thing about it no matter how much I wanted to.
"And I don't even know her name…"
End