Legal Notes: All the characters held within are property of Namco and Monolith Studios. The song "Blackbird" is by the Beatles and thus a creation of the Beatles. There are some instances in this fanfic that are solely based upon my own theories and thus cannot be considered cannon.
(Blackbird singing in the dead of night)
It would have surprised anyone to have known that a machine built nearly solely to combat the Gnosis such as KOS-MOS could also be agile and dexterous, opening the door to the bedroom with ease. Her footfalls were immensely low as she entered something that few people would've been able to hear. Somehow, even the usually bright blue and white of her construction and clothing seemed to fade into the darkness, the only feature giving away her appearance being her searching red eyes, both of them fixed upon the silver-haired teen, who was currently sleeping peacefully. Continuing to check her own movements and regulate them, she cautiously walked towards his bedside, as if this one moment was worth more than the remainder of time itself to her. Yet, it could be supposed, such a thing couldn't possibly be. She was, after all, only a robot.
No matter how many times she attempted to deny this, including several runnings of the drives that made up her logic system, the core system of her thought process and decision making, she was still as perplexed as she was with her initial meeting with the man. She had come to think of him as a man, though his outward appearance gave the notion of youth. Yet, to call him a youth or a teen would be, she had decided (logically, of course), derogatory and also obviously untrue. He was older, much older, both in years and spirituality than any child. This was just one of the things that continued to send her logic systems for a loop. Though that was the case, it was also one of the things she had chosen to dismiss (something she knew to be rash, by all logical points of view). No, these things, though they interested her, were no longer the things that she focused on. Something else was playing with her logic system, and that continued to put her on alert.
She curled her bottom lip slightly into her mouth, gently biting down on it (her creator, oddly enough, had made her physical structure so human as to include light metal plates fashioned in the shape of teeth). This action, a human action of puzzlement and apprehension, was more mimicry of what she had occasionally seen her creator Shion do than anything else. Her logic system continiously scolded her for this, what was obviously a physical action that was no more than a robotic equivalent of a parrot speaking, and the idea of being able to rely emotion (which you do not have, her systems reminded her) outwards. Yet, at the same time, something different, something that was either not connected to her logic drives or merely a part that had disjoined itself from the workings of the system (perhaps infected by a virus, though logic told her such was unlikely), told her that wasn't true. After all, if given the chance Shion and chaos would easily come to the conclusion that she wasn't mimicking, but really was relaying emotion. Her logic system, of course, told her this was utter nonsense, as humans were easily the most illogical beings in existence.
And that brought her back to chaos and what was at hand. Her puzzlement at his peculiar nature was now second in her "thoughts" about him. Whenever she focused on him in her thought and data systems, something…………….something would seem to jump out at her. She wouldn't reduce him to the mere strands of data and images she had recorded of and about him (in truth, she did this very rarely around any of her companions, though chaos least of all). It was as if her logic systems would shut off and that small, disconnected part that had integrated itself into her thoughts would come full swing. She found herself DESIRING chaos' company, even a little more than her creators'. She knew that such an idea, that she could desire, was, of course, yet another part of the illogic that she was ment to deny, she could not. She somehow knew that she desired, no matter what logic told her. And there was something else, and she thought she knew that it was affection, yet not the affection she commonly associated with her creator. It was something more, much more.
Again, her logic system kicked in, angry at her for attempting to deny it and convince herself that she could feel such. "Yet again", it told her, to her dismay and causing her to mimic another human action (this time being wrapping her arms around her, which she knew some people would do to try to comfort themselves), "it is merely mimicry." She supposed (or, more appropriately, knew) that was likely. After all, there were many times were she got small glimpses of Junior and MOMO, two who had seemingly begun sharing (she could not think of a better term) such affection. She would occasionally view them as they played around, almost roughhousing though not enough to hurt each other, giggling and laughing and smiling at each other. Sometimes (and this she was certain they were unaware they did), she'd catch them holding each others' hands as they looked out into space from the observatory field in the Durandal, the small insects that provided light shimmering around them, as if purposely illuminating them. "More illogic" her systems scolded her, and she could almost imagine a harsh voice behind her thoughts, though imagination was yet more illogic.
While all these actions were obvious signs, there was another action that relayed their affection, and one that only occurred when they were alone, or thought they were alone. While she did not purposely intend to "spy" on them, she was also curious as she observed them from around one of the corners of the ship as their lips gently came together for a brief second, Junior holding both of MOMO's hands in his. She had recorded the event and would often times find herself replaying it over and over, an action that seemed to enrage her logic systems more than any other. The only thing that seemed to make them angrier was the fact that she would occasionally alter the recording, putting her and chaos in the two children's places.
(Take these broken wings and learn to fly)
She bent over him slightly, taking in every small action that his body seemed to make as he gently slept. She looked him over, turning on her diagnostic program as she monitored his current temperature, heart rate, and other vital signs, though she didn't especially pay much attention to them. Instead, she merely looked at the natural, the outward signs of his body, such as the way his chest slightly went forward and then back to normal as he inhaled and exhaled due to the gentle breathing of all sleepers. He had eschewed using a pillow, instead having placed his hands behind his head. If it wasn't for the fact that her programs pointed to the fact that he was obviously asleep, she would've believed him to have merely been lost in some deep thought, though he still had his constant, warm smile on his face. Uncertain what to do now after having come into the room for no more than to have had a chance to get a look at him sleeping, she felt (she had begun to do a good deal of actual feeling, or at least what she believed to be the idea of feeling, lately) foolish. If her logic system wasn't just an object and, furthermore, a tool for her convenience, she'd have been certain that it was laughing at her. In a way, she couldn't say she was certain it wasn't doing so.She gently ran the thumb of her left hand along the palm of her hand, the substance and programming through her body allowing her to mimic the sensation of feeling. She paused for a moment, her thumb stopping half way down her palm, and realized what she would like to do. She could nearly FEEL, if not hear, her logic system screaming commands into her, ordering her to stop her foolishness as she extended her hand to gently stroke chaos' face.
(All your life)
His skin was slightly warm and ("Unnaturally" her logic system told her; "Unsurprisingly" the small, detached voice responded) baby soft, her hand running over it as she supposed it would do so over silk. If he felt it or not in his slumber, he gave no showing of it, nor did his heart rate change at all. She brought her arm back to its proper place at her side, her eyes trained still on the sleeping chaos.
She brought her hand up to her face, gazing at the palm that had just so recently felt the warmth and smoothness and chaos' skin. "You didn't REALLY feel it." the logic drives seemed to tell her, balking at what had just occurred. "They were merely simulations added to your programming and to the construction materials." She agreed that, if she had merely felt heat, that could be the case, but she had also felt the smoothness of his skin. Surely that…………
"Nothing more than your own beliefs on what it COULD be projecting themselves into the simulation." By this time, the logic system sounded more bored and agitated than actually angry, like a parent at a park waiting for their child to finish playing.
But was that true, or just another mere fact of "logic". She was beginning to question whether or not logic was even a good thing, or if being built solely upon logic was even……..well, a logical idea. Still, its last statement HAD shaken her, as both her current beliefs and resolve stood upon a fine edge. The only thing that could reaffirm it, therefore, was another action and test of her ability to feel. The question was, WHERE could she really touch him to make sure? The face was already out of the question, as her logic system would merely use that to help reaffirm what it stated, that she was only projecting her own beliefs and desperate by returning to the same part. Yet, there were few other places that could give off such warmth and, she believed, true life, as the face. It took her a moment, but she finally figured out where the next most 'logical' place would be.
She could feel the logic systems' anger and irritation with her as she reached out to place her hand over his heart.
(You were only waiting for this moment to arrive)
She placed her hand down as gently as possible, being extremely cautious. While there was always the possibility that she could've accidentally crushed his stomach there, she was much more afraid of the prospect of waking him up.
Her body mimicked his own, inhaling and exhaling (or, at least, her stomach mimicking the motions) as he did, the gentle beat of his heart continuing to go at its slow, restful pace, seemingly not noticing as the sensation went through KOS-MOS' hand. While not warm as his face had been, and unable to tell the texture of his skin (he wore a thin, white over shirt), she could FEEL the gentle beat of his heart, knowing (or at least rationalizing) that this wasn't her own beliefs, due to the constant of how it would gentle beat forward before retreating back slightly to beat again. While this feeling was comforting (or, in her case, she knew it put her at ease), she was more thankful (yes, truly thankful), that her logic system had seemingly decided to give itself up to silence.
While the logic system had faded, that small, detached part had grown in volume. And though she did not know it, her eyes had changed from their usual red to a gentle shade of blue. Despite the fact that she had come to see this small voice as just as demanding as the logic system, she had come to welcome it. Perhaps it was because it was just the fact that she was curious by this new antithesis to her usual programming. Another was that maybe it was because it told her to do what she WANTED to do. Just as she had come to know desire, she had come to know its lesser sibling of want.
And what she wanted right now was to do what she had seen Junior and MOMO do, had recorded and played through her system several times.
(Blackbird, fly)
She took her hand from off his chest, off his beating heart (though somewhat reluctantly), and once again gently placed it on his cheek, running her thumb over the smooth skin once more.
(Blackbird, fly)
She bent over a bit more, positioning herself to place her lips over his own, the glow of her light blue eyes illuminating his face in their soft light.
Yet she quickly forced herself to move as the soft light turned to its normal glaring red.
(Into the light of the cold, dark night)
Her logic systems, it seemed, had come back online, and doing so with a vengeance. It struck out several commands, the images and messages held within cutting up the small, detached voice, as if killing it with itself. In a way, that WOULD be logical, and that was the irony of everything: illogic was not the cause of problems in the world, but overwhelming douses of logic itself, a destroyer that trampled all free will, a thing she had never really known.
She moved for the door, going quickly yet still making sure that her footfalls made little, if no noise. It was partially because of the caution she had exercised that she was so caught off guard by the gentle rustling of bedsheets and the soft thud she already knew to be chaos' feet hitting the ground. Logic told her to leave the room, quickly without looking back. The detached voice, however, made no reply.
Yet, though it was obviously back in command, she WOULD not listen to the systems; refused to, in fact, unless things somehow went horribly wrong. She turned slowly to face chaos. She was both unsurprised yet eased when she saw that chaos seemed completely unbothered by the intrusion. His head was tilt at a slight angle, his hands resting on his legs just under the ends of his boxer legs, his eyes gleaming in the darkness, KOS-MOS thinking they possibly gleamed just as much as her own. Through the darkness, his already naturally gentle voice seemed to almost take the form of a gentle breeze as he asked "KOS-MOS, is something wrong?"
Authors' Note: I had originally ment for this to be only one part, but due to length, I'd decided it would be easier to write it and put it up as two parts. The second part should be up fairly soon. Also, an earlier story which focus' primarily on a relationship between MOMO and Junior entitled "Love and Madness Go Hand in Hand" will soon be coming out of fanfic limbo and, hopefully, be updated fairly soon.