Authors Note: This is M for Mature, if you're under age please turn back now.
Disclaimer: I do not own "Aristotle and Dante Discover the secrets of the Universe," it belongs to Benjamin Alire Saenz.
Closing the door felt different. We had been in my room plenty of times, but never like this. Never while our parents bowled twenty minutes away. Never alone.
For some reason my breathing increased as I shut it closed. I turned to Dante, thinking maybe he would feel weird about this too, but he tossed off his shoes with the same hate as always and threw himself in my bed with so much ease, I realized I was the only one overthinking this.
But it really was something to over think.
We were alone.
In my room.
A room with shut windows and shut doors, and we had been "together" for a few weeks now, but never like that.
"What time do you think they'll be coming back?" He asked.
"I don't know, but it's still early."
"Do you want me to read to you?"
It got me angry, and I didn't know why, that he wanted to read. Read? Right now? Why did reading feel so vague? But I didn't tell him of course, I just nodded.
I threw my shoes off too, and layed back-flat on my bed, stretching my arms out.
"Read to me."
And so he read, and I didn't listen to a word he said because the whole time I was looking at other things. The way his eyelashes clapped together. The shape of his cheeks. The movement of his throat. The way the light reflected off his teeth. Shit. I was paying attention to everything, except his reading, and I was also remembering moments with him. For some reason the letter he wrote me asking about masturbation came to my mind, and it really didn't bother me anymore at all. If anything, it just made me feel strange.
I didn't know what I was feeling, all I knew was that I wasn't going to bear it anymore. Why did I have too? He wanted it to too, right? So what was wrong with it? Why was I holding all of this inside? It didn't make sense.
"Dante?"
"Yes?"
"Can I kiss you?"
He placed the book down and smiled, before saying, "sure."
And I was on him before he could retract himself, before he could change his mind.
I kissed him, and it was fascinating. I had gotten used to kissing him by then. We'd kissed there, we'd kissed at his house, we'd kissed hiding behind our parents backs, but never like this. We were never alone, there was always a barrier. But right then, there was no barrier, it was just him and me, and the universe, and I wanted more. More of him, more on me, I needed him. I had never known how much I needed him.
I wanted to touch him, and keep touching him, and go far with him, far into the unknown. I wanted to touch him, and wanted- needed- him to touch me, and only me.
"Dante, I love you."
"Ari," he smiled. "I love you more than you could ever imagine. More than what I could ever express in words." And his words hurt in a sweet kind of way.
I allowed myself to get lost in him. We were alone after all. I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him to me, and continued to kiss, and kiss, and kiss him.
And fuck, he was beautiful, and amazing, and everything I needed.
I slipped my hands under his shit. I don't know how or when, but I did. He pulled back a little, but I was so incoherent I didn't even noticed he had. I pulled his shirt up.
"Ari," he said softly, but more as a question.
"Let me."
And he did, and I took it off, and I stared at him and what I felt inside couldn't be explained. He was nervous, I could tell, and I was hungry, hungry for him.
I wrapped him in my arms and kissed his neck.
"Ari," again the same voice.
I kissed, and sucked, and wished I could squeeze him inside of me so he couldn't have a chance to escape, "What?" I asked.
"I don't know."
I touched him, and there was fire. His body was fire in my hands. Or maybe I was on fire, I didn't know. That's when I lost all reason. And I kissed him, and I touched him, and I let myself feel him in a way I had never felt him before, and I liked it. I liked it a lot. And I knew I was screwed because I was in love with such a beautiful thing.
Somehow I layed him down, and in the process got on top of him, my body between his legs, and this was the strangest form of drug, because I couldn't get enough. I traveled his chest, nail beds digging to his skin, warm breath to his ear, and teeth and lips and flesh to his flesh, and it still wasn't enough.
I kissed his neck and the bones around his chest, and lower, and the top of his abdomen and lower, and the more I touched the more I wanted to keep going, and I was dizzy, and crazed, but I was so very happy that I couldn't stand it. And every once in a while he made this strange noise, a little whimper mixed with something I couldn't recognize back then, but it made me feel all the more ecstatic.
I had him. I owned him. He was mine. All mine.
"Ari, I don't know if I... I don't know if I'm ready."
And the statement sounded odd, why would he say something like that. "Ready for what?" I asked, curious.
And just at that, mother opened the door, saw us- Dante without a shirt, me on top of him- closed her eyes, made an "ay" sound combined with a gasp, and closed the door again.
It was then that I kind of regained my consciousness, and I understood what Dante meant by "I'm not ready," and couldn't believed I hand't locked the door.
Oh shit, I thought, Oh shit.
There was a knock, and a second later mom came back in. I had gotten off of Dante by then, and he was hurrying to put his shirt back on, and we were both trying hard to hide our flushed faces and regain our regular breathing patters which had been lost somewhere down the road.
"Dante I need you to go home right now. I need to talk to my son."
"Yes, Mrs. Mendoza."
It angered me. Not that she saw us, but that she talked to Dante that way. He had done nothing wrong, if anything, he was the victim here. I kept pushing him further and further.
"I'll walk you out."
And I did, and in front of my mom I hugged him good bye, because for some reason I wasn't ashamed of anything. I was more frustrated that they hadn't played longer, that they had come back so early.
When the door shut, I turned to her, and she was angry.
"What were you thinking?"
"About what?" I asked casually.
"What do you mean about what? Ari, this isn't right, you're much to young."
"I'm actually not that young, mom."
"You're seventeen! And I walk in and you're-" she stopped herself. "Doing what you're doing."
"I am not going to have this talk with you."
"Ari! I mean it! Don't do it again. From now on there will be rules. I don't want him here if there isn't an adult." I walked back towards my room, I didn't want to hear it, "And I don't want you at his house if his parent aren't there, either."
"Just leave me alone, mom."
"Jaime! Talk to your son!" Dad until then had been hiding in the shadows.
"Ari, come here. Sit down with me."
"Do I get a beer for this talk too?"
Even though I was being sarcastic and they knew it, he pulled two beers from the refrigerator, and pored wine for mom. I thought about my possibilities, which were very limited at that time, and opted to sit down for a beer.
"Ari, I know you love this boy, and I understand you are in that age where you want to explore things-"
"Dad, please stop, that just sounds gross." Because it was coming from him, it really was gross.
"But there are things Ari, you can't just dive in it. First, there is protection."
"Dad! Please," I begged. I would have rather slammed my head against the table and end up back at the hospital than to be listening to that conversation. It was too embarrassing.
"I'm not saying you should be having sex, but if you are, please tell me you are using condoms."
For some reason I didn't understand until now, I replied, "We don't need them, we've only been with each other."
"But has he been only with you?" It was his immediate response, and the horror I felt must have shown in my face because he immediately tried to re-state it. "What I mean is-"
"What are you saying?" I got up from the table.
"Ari."
I threw my beer against the wall.
"Ari!"
And without thinking, without a word, walked out and straight for his house.
They followed after me, but half a block down, decided to run back to the house and get the car, and that's when I sprinted for him, and I knocked hard, and opened the door and walked in without being invited.
He was away, where I couldn't see him.
He was at parties.
He kissed girls.
He'd kissed Daniel.
They were alone in an alley, and then alone at his house.
How far did they go?
I couldn't-
I couldn't bare to think about it.
I stormed into his room, where he sat drawing a sketch.
"Where you ever with someone else, tell me the truth?"
"What are you talking about?"
I walked to him, thinking about it now I must have really scared him, and pulled him to his feet by his shoulders, dropping his sketch book to the ground. "Just answer me! What were you doing alone, at night, in an alley anyway?"
"What? What kind of question-"
And I felt arms around my arms, and I heard voices, but I didn't care, my life was set on his. My eyes were fogged and I couldn't clear them, my checks were damped with water and salt, and I couldn't get images of Dante at parties out of my head, of Dante kissing girls, of Daniel touching him at night in a dark alley.
"No! No! You better not... You better not because I'll-"
"Ari! That's enough!"
"I swear that I'll... I'll hurt you Dante."
The room fell silent for a moment, because they knew I could. They knew what I was capable off.
They dragged me out of his room. The two of them, his dad and my dad, could barely hold me. I was furious.
"What's the matter with you?" Mr. Quintana asked, and I wanted to punch him too. For allowing Dante to be out at night, for allowing him near those girls. Those girls that touched him.
"I'm out of here."
"Oh no, you're not," it was my dad now.
"Let go dad, or things are about to get really ugly."
And Dante came out of his room, and he looked at me confused, and also scared.
And the thought that he was scared- that I had scared him- scared me, and I couldn't bare it. I pushed passed everyone I had to push to get out of that house, and I ran and I ran, and I ran away.
TBC...