I Messed Up
By: Rhuben
Summary-Detective Erin Lindsay would've done anything to save Antonio's son after he was kidnapped because she didn't want to make the same mistake a second time. She didn't want to mess up. [Set during "The Docks"]
Detective Erin Lindsay twisted her fingers together as she shifted her sitting position in the hard, cold chair in the waiting room of Chicago Medical. She crossed one leg over the other, bouncing her foot, moving her hand to her mouth to chew at her fingernails.
Detective Antonio Dawson had been in surgery for a while now and the silence in the waiting room was driving her nuts. Her eyes darted around from person to person as they waited to get more news.
Sergeant Voight was staring off into space, slowly bringing his lips into his mouth. Detective Adam Ruzek was pacing back and forth, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, occasionally loudly sipping the hot drink, trying to bring some noise into the otherwise silent room. Officers Kevin Atwater and Kim Burgess were standing stock still, side by side, waiting for their next assignments. Detective Alvin Olinsky was sitting off in the corner, repeatedly stroking his goatee. Her partner, Detective Jay Halstead was sanding closest to the swinging doors leading to the emergency ward, practically jumping down the throat of any doctor that went in or came out.
Her eyes then settled on Antonio's wife, Laura , and his kids, Eva, and Diego. Laura was doing a great job being strong for her kids. They had stopped crying and had now proceeded to recess into their own ways of coping; Eva was on her phone playing a game or texting, something to keep her mind busy. Diego on the other hand, who was growing to be a spitting image of his father every time she saw him, was sitting quietly, hands clasped tightly in his lap, staring down at the floor.
It wasn't that long ago that she had seen Antonio sitting in the same position, anxiously waiting for news on whether or not anyone had a trace on Pulpo's accomplices and whether or not his son was ok. It had hurt her to the core to see a good friend that distraught, that scared…that powerless. She would do anything to get Diego back for her friend, but for more reasons than people would think.
Diego was about the same age as him; the little boy who was gunned down outside a convenient store. And she just let it happen.
Not a day had gone by where she couldn't picture his body lying on the ground, where she couldn't smell the blood, where she couldn't see the look of anguish etched onto his face. She sure as hell knew she'd never forget the feeling that it was all her fault. She was the last one to see the kid alive when she caught him stealing a candy bar.
For days, weeks even she had gone on and on about what it was that she could've done differently to save him. When she heard Diego was kidnapped, she knew that she was getting her chance to make up for her hesitation, for her…mistake. But, she wasn't going to make that mistake again, not with someone who she felt was like a member of her own small family.
Then it was personal. She wanted, no, she needed to get Diego back to his family. It was why she had ignored Voight's directions and climbed onto that bus. It was why she was so shaken up afterwards. She was the last line of defense between Diego being found dead or alive and that whole time, she was terrified. One wrong move and he and many other citizens of Chicago could be gravely injured or even killed.
And she wasn't going to be responsible for more than one death without thinking things through. Luckily, it didn't come down to that, but she couldn't help but worry. While she had managed to keep her voice steady when talking to the bus driver, stalling Diego and his abductor from leaving the bus, the rest of her body was shaking. And when she heard that gunshot…
For a brief moment she thought she would be looking at Diego lying lifeless on the floor, or worse, lifeless against her. She could feel the heat of his body pressed into her side as Diego clung to her. It took moments for her to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach as the blood pumped through her veins to look Diego over, thankful to see him alive. Thankful to see him in Antonio's arms with a soft cry of, "Daddy."
Her co-workers had her back and she knew that Voight would do anything he could to make sure she and Diego were safe and sound. With all their efforts, Antonio was able to reunite his family. Ever since, she would keep an eye out for him whenever he came around the precinct as he followed his dad around.
"Hey," she said before she could stop herself, peering in Diego's direction. He kept his eyes on the floor for a moment before slowly lifting his head to look over at her. Erin got out of her seat and moved to sit down next to him. "Your dad's going to be ok."
"How do you know?" he asked, looking up at her, brown eyes wide and filled with worry, wet with fresh tears that threatened to fall. "He's been in there forever."
"Because your dad is one of the strongest men I've ever met in my entire life," Erin replied, lifting a hand to run her fingers through his hair. She leaned closer towards him as if she was divulging in a secret as she lowered her voice. "Even Voight thinks so."
"Really?" Diego asked, blinking up at her. "Voight thinks that?" He pressed his lips together, looking over in the older man's direction. "He scares me sometimes."
"Between you and me, he scares a lot of the guys on the street, too," Erin replied. "All those guys bring in, he has them shaking in their boots and crying for their moms." Diego let out a small laugh, his lips pulling back to reveal a set of slightly buck teeth.
"Nuh-uh," he said, shaking his head back and forth. "I don't believe you."
"Trust me," Erin replied. "They're especially terrified when your dad's involved. When he heard you were missing..."
She trailed off when Diego's smile faded, and his gaze instantly shifted back into his lap. She could feel him tense beneath her fingers and she removed her hand from his head. She clenched her teeth together, mentally kicking herself.
Of course he'd still be scared, Erin! Pulpo was the reason he was taken in the first place and now he's the reason his dad got shot, she thought to herself. She could feel Diego's gaze back on her and she put a smile on her face. "Your father would do anything to get you back," she said to him, "just like he's doing everything he can to get back to you, and your sister, and your mom right now."
"Are you going to catch the guy who did this?" Diego asked.
"Of course we are," Erin replied, giving him a small smile. "Pulpo hurt one of our own on more than one occasion; he's not going to get away with this. Chicago is a great place to live, but she can be a real bitch sometimes."
Diego gasped, his eyes widening as his hands flew up to cover his mouth. He used his free hand to point a finger at her. Erin cringed for a second time before lifting her eyes towards Laura, mouthing an apology. The woman's lips twitched upwards into a brief smile before she looked back down at the magazine in her lap.
"Sorry," Erin apologized. "What I was trying to say was, Chicago is a witness to this crime as well and she always helps us out."
"Thanks, Lindsay," Diego said quietly.
"You can call me, Erin," Lindsay replied with a wink. "We'll catch Pulpo, don't you worry. I'll make sure of it."
Those bangers that had shot and killed the kid from the convenience story may have gotten away, but she wasn't going to let that happen with Pulpo. That would be her biggest mistake yet.
A/N: After seeing the Lindseride scene with this past week's episode, I wondered if her uneasiness and fear (and the shaking hand) had any collation to the kid from the convenience store who was killed. So, that's where this idea came from.