A/N – blame facebook (I think?) for this. Somewhere I got to talking to someone about ridiculous ideas, and this was born. Each chapter is a really light crossover – bonus points to anyone that can get them all.
Save me. She was surprised to see Maura's number pop up with a text message, and she smirked slightly to herself. Maura had been talking all day about a date with this handsome, charming pilot that she had met on some chartered flight to somewhere for some conference. She wasn't quite entirely sure where Maura had gone, or what she had done, other than it being sciency, and she came back talking about this Glenn who had been her pilot on the flight back.
The whole day had been Glenn this, and Glenn that, and going on and on until she wanted to gag herself with a spoon for just how much Maura seemed to be looking forward to this date. So to get a text message from Maura, no more than fifteen minutes after Maura had left, she had to smirk slightly.
What's wrong? She replies, already turning on the police scanner, listening to the codes that echo out over it, searching for something, anything, she could sink her teeth into.
Giovanni is more subtle than Glenn. She couldn't help the giggle that came out of her mouth, and part of her felt sad for her friend, being stuck out at dinner at someplace fancy with a man who may have seemed wonderful when stuck on a two hour flight with someone in a somewhat professional manner but who was an absolute ass when on a date.
That bad? She hears Frankie respond to a dead body call at a retirement home, and dials her brothers number. It's two seconds to explain the situation to her brother, and he laughs, but agrees.
His apartment looks like something out of a pornographic film from the 70's.
Wait, you're already in his apartment? And how do you know what 70's porn looks like?
No, but he's showing me pictures. I think I'm supposed to be impressed. She stashes the question that didn't get answered – just how Maura knew what the interior design choices of decades old adult entertainment, and holds down the dial button on her phone. "Doctor Isles." She smirks at just how relieved Maura sounds on the other end of the line.
"C'mon, we've got a dead body." It's funny, how much Maura has rubbed off on her. She's gotten good at telling little half-truths. Things that weren't lies, but that weren't the whole truth. She knew that Maura would feel obligated to stay through dinner for anything that wasn't work related, she knew that her friend wouldn't just walk out on a date, even if it was the worst one ever. She gives the address, and heads there herself.
She sees Frankie standing there laughing at her as she walks in to the small apartment. She has to admit, it is a little ridiculous. She hadn't been on a call like this in years, ever since she was a rookie. It was procedure, she knew, to have an officer go out, even in the most routine cases just to make sure there wasn't anything more going on. Besides, cops could break down doors for funeral home employees.
She sees Maura's look of confusion as the ME gets out of a cab and joins them. "Jane?" she questions, looking around. There was no crime scene tape, Jane and Frankie were the only two police officers there, nothing to suggest that this was a crime scene. Jane can't help but think it's cute the way that Maura dropped to one knee to give a cursory examination of the corpse. "Jane, this woman is -" There was a pause as a wallet was fished out of a purse, revealing an ID. "-one hundred and two. There is no sign of any sort of trauma, I couldn't say for sure without an autopsy, and you know how I am about guessing but-I'm very much inclined to say we're not dealing with a homicide."
"That's cause we're not." Jane said in her most duh voice possible.
"You said we had a case."
"I said we had a dead body. We have – a dead body." There was a confused tilt to Maura's head, and she couldn't help the laugh. "You wanted a way out of your terrible date. I gave you one. He's not going to know any different." Maura paused, and then smiled, laughing.
"Thank you."
"So was he really that bad?" She asks as they turn around to walk back out of the apartment.
"Everything out of his mouth was either misogynstic, sexual or both." She grinned as Maura frowned. She wanted to sympathize, she really did, but the way Maura had been talking this guy up, Jane had to admit it was funny that things had backfired so badly. "And he was flirting – well propositioning, really – the waitress." She tried to fake looking scandalized, and failed.
"So he hit on the waitress, showed you pictures of his totally swinging bachelor pad - I've had worse."
"It had lime green shag carpeting. And a heart shaped bed with zebra print sheets. The pictures were traumatizing enough. Could you imagine if I had actually gone home with him?" Maura seemed absolutely horrified at the very idea. Jane, on the other hand, was dissapointed that her friend hadn't gotten her own copies of these pictures to share the horror around.
"Bow-chicka-wow-wow." Was her only sarcastic response, earning her a half-hearted glare from Maura.
"He asked if I'd ever had sexual relations with a corpse." Jane couldn't help it, she doubled over with laughter. "And he had this terrible verbal tic."
"You really know how to pick 'em." She gasped, as soon as she was able to breathe again. "A zombie, a perverted pilot-I'm afraid to see who you go out with next." She ignored the pang of something that she felt, writing it off as indigestion. They walked, laughing and arm in arm to Jane's car, ignoring Frankie's protests that he didn't want to have to stay all alone with a stiff while waiting on the guys from the funeral home.