Word Count: 687
Characters/Pairings: Tsunemori Akane, Kogami Shinya, sprinkles of the rest of Division 1 and others; Shinkane!
Timeline/Spoilers: set during the movie; no real spoilers – just me trying to explain why their reunion felt so cold and impersonal, references the psycho pass after story post-season 1 where Ko gives her a call
Summary: Maybe he put her up on too high of a pedestal, and maybe she saw more good in him than there really was. ; shinkane drabbles
Notes: I have a 1sentence fic (it's called my 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars) for this pair based on 50 different prompts, and I had ideas to continue some of those one-liners. So I was debating whether to just add chapters to that fic or create a standalone. In the end, I decided to just start a collection of shinkane drabbles; they will mostly be based on my one-sentence pieces, which I will have at the end of each chapter, but I may have some new ideas as I continue on with this. No promises about updating regularly, though I do have a few chapters planned/written already that I will space out and publish. My previous psycho pass fic was one of my most well-received pieces, and I'm grateful for all the nice things you guys had to say! This is also a space for me to practice writing (semi-)longer pieces. Hopefully, this collection won't disappoint.
P.S. Title comes from No Light, No Light by Florence + the Machine!
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Though she once spoke optimistically of their eventual reunion, Akane's once bright-eyed outlook had dimmed considerably over time. (Four years of no contact and nothing but hallucinated glimpses driving one on could do that to a person.)
Their first meeting after so long felt detached and impersonal. Kogami donned a familiar mask, not allowing himself the chance to yield to her warmth again, knowing that this brief interlude would be just that.
A similar strain of thought had been flitting through her mind. She had prepared herself for a hardened criminal, a terrorist, but was somehow unsurprised to find him largely the same as she left him. (Perhaps that hopefulness of hers hadn't been completely snuffed out.) She throws hard words (and even harder punches), but in the end, he's still the Kogami-san she knew – perhaps a little more world weary and at loss with himself, but undoubtedly the same.
Of course, she can discern straight away that he's keeping himself at a distance, if only for her sake. And they're both holding back, really, not wanting to taint the other with their sins. But it hurts that their long-awaited encounter should transpire under such circumstances. They were not ordinary people, and she was starting to doubt if they ever would be (ever could be). A touch of doubt that began to shroud all aspects of their relationship. He said it himself, that he had worked under her for a "short time only," and the time elapsed since then far outspanned their mere months together. Had he really called her Akane that final time? Had there ever been a special warmth inside this man reserved just for her? Were her hallucinations just that – her own selfish projections of who she wanted Kogami Shinya to be? Did she ever even know him well enough to judge?
But then there were minute, blink-and-you'll-miss-them moments that gave her glimpses of the man she so desperately sought. Engaged in full body combat with the clear intent to suppress him and take him into custody, he did not hesitate in tossing her body to the floor and immediately shielding it with his own once he sensed an oncoming explosion. In the car, he gruffly handed her his own jacket, eyes somehow saddened at the lack of sputtering, embarrassed protests he had come to associate with her. And even in his home base, he offered, or rather ordered her to take his bed, setting up his row of chairs without even waiting for a reply. (It somehow amused her that after all he'd been through and seen, he could still play the part of the gentleman.)
Conversation between them flowed readily, without the impediments of societal and workplace hierarchy – on equal footing for the first time, if you could call it that.
Some of his last few words to her are, "Come try to catch me again," with far too cocky a grin stretched across his features, considering their life-and-death situation. She meets his gaze with unshed tears in her eyes, whispering out an unconvincing, "Sure." Last they spoke, he'd been resigned to his fate, warning her to not be shocked if she happened upon his lifeless body one day, and she had been the one with the conviction that they would certainly find one another again.
At their true final meeting, there is little need for words; they had long since mastered the art of silent communications. An understanding passes between them, as they rise to meet eye to eye on that helicopter pad. It is the acknowledgement that they weren't ready, not just yet. He still had to figure out his own path and what he intended to do, while she was busy crafting a world that could one day welcome him back. Only then could they meet once more, as ordinary people.
…And maybe they were both wrong. Maybe he put her up on too high of a pedestal, and maybe she saw more good in him than there really was. Both were only human after all, subject to their personal whims and delusions alike. And humanity was inherently flawed.
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#04 – Wonder
Sometimes, she wonders if the man built up in her mind over the years might still contain any trace of the original.
A/N: Not terribly thrilled with how this turned out (particularly the ending), but that's what practice is for. Please leave a review and share your thoughts!