"Aw, crap!" - Myself when I found out a hellish substitute was back for
a second day
* * * * *
Digi-Paintball
A Fanfic by Tuxedo Jack
* * * * *
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill. I ain't gonna say it any more.
* * * * *
NOTE: THIS IS NOT DAKARI. I SWEAR.
* * * * *
"All right, team!" Izzy stood in front of the group of the other
eleven Digidestined, waving a paintball gun at them. Several other people
were there, but they... well, I'll mention them when I need to. Needless
to say, he wore heavy armor and a blast helmet. "We're going in for a
paintball tournament."
"My hair!" Mimi said, running her hands over her newly-dyed brown
hair. "It'll get ruined by the paint!"
"Whose idea was this, anyway?" Davis said, sulking at the back.
"Mine," Kari replied in a sultry voice. "We can get out into the
field and hide in some bushes and..."
Davis's nose suddenly began to bleed, and Kari grabbed onto T.K.
to avoid the gusher. "Davis? What happened?"
"Gued." Davis pinched his nose as Izzy continued.
"We'll be using these standard-issue semiauto paintball guns. Tai
and Matt paid for their rental..."
Kari grinned. "Got mine!" She held up what looked to be a normal
gun... except she and T.K. had modified theirs... T.K. smiled as well and
loaded in a clip.
"Wear the armor, folks. These things hurt like hell if you get hit
above or below the belt, but the armor minimizes the damage and pain."
Izzy patted his armor. "Needless to say, you men want to protect the family
jewels."
All the guys covered their special regions.
"You ladies aren't exempt, either."
Mimi smiled inwardly as she drew out a small 50x sniper's scope and
attached it to her weapon. Jun did likewise, and so did Kari and T.K..
Davis preferred something else... his little silencer.
"We'll be pairing off into teams for this. I used my computer to
determine random teams... and the results here are..."
Every prayed to God that they'd get back with who they wanted. Matt,
meanwhile, was running away from Jun, but he stopped to hear the teams.
"Joe and Mimi... Tai and Sora..."
Tai and his girlfriend cocked their weapons and grinned.
"Cody, go with Davis..."
Cody frowned. He was stuck with that joker Davis, the one who'd do
more damage to himself than the other teams.
"T.K. and Kari..."
The pair grinned and slipped off.
"Yolei and Ken..."
The two lovebirds attached tanks of ammo to their weapons.
"Izzy and Michael. Izzy and Michael? The hell?"
Michael smiled. "Looks like we're a team, old man! Let's get going!"
"Wait, there's still two people left... guess it's Matt and Jun as the
last team."
Matt fell to his knees and sobbed. "There is no God. THERE IS NO GOD!!!!"
Jun dashed over and glomped him. "Ooh, Matt! Maybe we can get lost
somewhere and..." She trailed off as Matt dashed off into the woods. "Matt!
Wait for me!" She ran after him, loading her paintball gun with triangular
pellets.
Izzy sighed, grabbed Michael, and began to walk into the forest.
* * * * *
Yolei and Ken sat deep in the woods, camouflage paint and grass on their
armor and faces. Ken swiveled his head back and forth, looking for targets.
"This is ludicrous. We'll never find anyone in here."
"Just wait a few minutes, Ken," she replied. "They'll come over here."
Just then, the pair heard rustling in the brush near them. Their guns
snapped up, Ken using his handmade infrared scope to try to find the
intruders...
Davis and Michael burst into a clearing, their breathing heavy and in
gasps. "Dammit, Davis, you've nearly gotten us hit five times! We'll be
eliminated within minutes if you don't stop running!"
"Shut _UP_, Izzy!" Michael fired off a five-round burst into the trees,
sending birds screaming away and leaving the inhabitants of the leaves in
chaos. Two quick pops sounded, and a purple blotch of paint landed on
Michael's chest, while a deep blue ball exploded on Izzy's.
"I told you so, Davis!" Izzy stormed off, cursing Michael with all
his might.
Yolei and Ken exchanged high-fives... and then two paintballs
flew past them, an orange one and then a red - and they dove for cover,
firing in wild arcs until their first clips ran out. Meanwhile, Tai
and Sora sat up in a tree not five hundred feet away. Sora trained the
sniper paintball gun on Yolei's back... and then rolled it back. "Not gonna
get her now," Sora whispered to Tai. "We'd better get the others before
they get us."
"Jun and Matt at eight o' clock," Tai breathed in a whisper over
the rustling of the leaves. Sora aimed carefully... and was promptly
smashed in the back by three paintballs at once. She fell out of the tree,
screaming all the way.
"SORA!" Tai dove after her, managing to shield her from the impact
with the ground with his body. At the same time, Yolei's gun went off by
sheer accident, and the five paintballs that it loosed knocked Tai back
a good three feet.
"Whoops..." Tai leapt up, and finding that none of the balls Yolei
had shot had exploded, fired back, hitting both Ken and Yolei square in
the chests. They sighed, stood up, and left to go make out in Ken's new
Mazda Miata. (It was a plot contrivance. Shut up.)
Sora stood and handed Tai her weapon. "I'm out, so see what you can
do with this." She then seductively added, "I'll be at the stream...
skinny-dipping. See you there." She walked off, wriggling her hips
suggestively.
Needless to say, poor Tai got a nosebleed.
Mimi and Joe were out stalking. The arena had a huge city-like area
in the center, and they were eagerly - well, Joe, anyway; Mimi was watching
her back - hiking towards the tallest building. They doubted that they'd
find anyone there... but just then, Davis ran across the street. Joe snapped
up his gun, as did Mimi... they both fired at the fleeing Davis...
And then Cody stepped in behind them, shooting a modified paintball
gun at an approximate rate of five hundred pellets a minute. His body shook
as the pellets flew from him, slamming into Joe and Mimi a few seconds later,
and eliminating the elder Digidestined.
"Not bad, Davis," Cody said quietly as Joe and Mimi stalked off.
"Maybe you're useful after all."
"Let's go, C-man, five teams left and we're fully loaded!" The two
walked off through the buildings, ready and waiting for the next challengers.
T.K. and Kari were employing a different strategy... the make-out
attack. For every ball T.K. shot, Kari would kiss him once. As of Joe and
Mimi's elimination, he'd shot about fifty bullets.
"Hello..." Kari said as Tai walked by. "Big brother! If he sees us,
we're dead!"
"Never fear, Kari," T.K. said as he carefully aimed his weapon.
"This should do it." T.K. fired three shots directly at Tai's knee... all
of which missed, and Tai took the opportunity to return fire. He missed as
well, and both hunkered down into the bunkers that they'd created.
Meanwhile...
Davis and Cody wandered in. Seeing the pair firing at each other,
they took the liberty of employing the previous strategem: blowing both
teams away at once. Cody took out Tai, while Davis went after T.K. and
Kari.
"T.C.!?! Suck this!" Davis aimed... but Kari threw herself in front
of T.K., and Davis screamed. "I can't do it!" Davis said.
"That'll be your undoing," T.K. said, and fired a burst at Davis.
Three of the four bullets that T.K. fired exploded onto Davis's armor,
staining it a bright white, and Kari's burst, which shortly followed T.K.'s,
ripped into the armor and stained it purple.
Davis stalked off, completely furious...
"Please don't let her find me, please don't let her find me..." Matt
thought as he fled through the underbrush. Unfortunately for him, (and
fortunately for Jun,) he slammed into a tree and knocked himself out.
Collapsing to the ground, his last thought was that he'd have to watch
where he's going...
"Matt! I found you!" Jun squealed as she rushed over and glomped
him again. "Looks like we're the last two in the game!"
Matt then woke up, having only been paralyzed for a moment. He took
one look around and screamed in pure terror. "AAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
He then lay down and held a hand to his chest. "Oh, dear God... Jun's found
me... I'm dead... this has got to be hell..."
"Nope," Jun replied, a grin as big as Matt's bulging eyes on her
face. "You and I are here, and it looks like the only two left are us!
How about a celebratory kiss, huh?" She puckered up...
Matt sighed, and moved forward. However (poor Matt), when he was
in range of her arms, she enveloped him in a rather passionate embrace.
Matt made a little _eep_ sound, and tried to pull away... but Jun was far
stronger than she looked. Matt found that out the hard way.
She pulled him down to the jungle's underbrush...
"Oh... my... God..." Kari said as she looked through the sniper
scope on her gun. "Jun and Matt... making out... on the grass?"
"You've got to be kidding," T.K. said as he looked through his
scope. "Holy SHIT!" He turnd to Kari. "Let's end that disgusting scene."
The pair took aim and fired one shot each at Matt and Jun. Matt and Jun
grinned, turned, and fired a pair of pellets at T.K. and Kari. The younger
Digidestined's shots missed, but the makers-out's rang true, and T.K. and
Kari were eliminated, leaving Matt and Jun the winners of the contest.
* * * * *
Six hours later...
"Damn, are they _ever_ gonna come out of that forest?"
* * * * *
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Okay, I know this sucks, but I had to write something... I was in a
meeting with the Smithsonian scholars and I thought, "What if Mimi and Jun
were trying to kill each other over Matt?" Needless to say, the idea
morphed into this wretched steaming pile of Digi-crap.
This is gonna have to hold you for a while, as Episode 16 of Mystery
Sailor Moon Theater 3000 is definitely going to take at least a month
to finish. Please R&R this, and any C&C can be sent to Tuxedojack@juno.com.
Ja ne!
Tuxedo Jack
a second day
* * * * *
Digi-Paintball
A Fanfic by Tuxedo Jack
* * * * *
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill. I ain't gonna say it any more.
* * * * *
NOTE: THIS IS NOT DAKARI. I SWEAR.
* * * * *
"All right, team!" Izzy stood in front of the group of the other
eleven Digidestined, waving a paintball gun at them. Several other people
were there, but they... well, I'll mention them when I need to. Needless
to say, he wore heavy armor and a blast helmet. "We're going in for a
paintball tournament."
"My hair!" Mimi said, running her hands over her newly-dyed brown
hair. "It'll get ruined by the paint!"
"Whose idea was this, anyway?" Davis said, sulking at the back.
"Mine," Kari replied in a sultry voice. "We can get out into the
field and hide in some bushes and..."
Davis's nose suddenly began to bleed, and Kari grabbed onto T.K.
to avoid the gusher. "Davis? What happened?"
"Gued." Davis pinched his nose as Izzy continued.
"We'll be using these standard-issue semiauto paintball guns. Tai
and Matt paid for their rental..."
Kari grinned. "Got mine!" She held up what looked to be a normal
gun... except she and T.K. had modified theirs... T.K. smiled as well and
loaded in a clip.
"Wear the armor, folks. These things hurt like hell if you get hit
above or below the belt, but the armor minimizes the damage and pain."
Izzy patted his armor. "Needless to say, you men want to protect the family
jewels."
All the guys covered their special regions.
"You ladies aren't exempt, either."
Mimi smiled inwardly as she drew out a small 50x sniper's scope and
attached it to her weapon. Jun did likewise, and so did Kari and T.K..
Davis preferred something else... his little silencer.
"We'll be pairing off into teams for this. I used my computer to
determine random teams... and the results here are..."
Every prayed to God that they'd get back with who they wanted. Matt,
meanwhile, was running away from Jun, but he stopped to hear the teams.
"Joe and Mimi... Tai and Sora..."
Tai and his girlfriend cocked their weapons and grinned.
"Cody, go with Davis..."
Cody frowned. He was stuck with that joker Davis, the one who'd do
more damage to himself than the other teams.
"T.K. and Kari..."
The pair grinned and slipped off.
"Yolei and Ken..."
The two lovebirds attached tanks of ammo to their weapons.
"Izzy and Michael. Izzy and Michael? The hell?"
Michael smiled. "Looks like we're a team, old man! Let's get going!"
"Wait, there's still two people left... guess it's Matt and Jun as the
last team."
Matt fell to his knees and sobbed. "There is no God. THERE IS NO GOD!!!!"
Jun dashed over and glomped him. "Ooh, Matt! Maybe we can get lost
somewhere and..." She trailed off as Matt dashed off into the woods. "Matt!
Wait for me!" She ran after him, loading her paintball gun with triangular
pellets.
Izzy sighed, grabbed Michael, and began to walk into the forest.
* * * * *
Yolei and Ken sat deep in the woods, camouflage paint and grass on their
armor and faces. Ken swiveled his head back and forth, looking for targets.
"This is ludicrous. We'll never find anyone in here."
"Just wait a few minutes, Ken," she replied. "They'll come over here."
Just then, the pair heard rustling in the brush near them. Their guns
snapped up, Ken using his handmade infrared scope to try to find the
intruders...
Davis and Michael burst into a clearing, their breathing heavy and in
gasps. "Dammit, Davis, you've nearly gotten us hit five times! We'll be
eliminated within minutes if you don't stop running!"
"Shut _UP_, Izzy!" Michael fired off a five-round burst into the trees,
sending birds screaming away and leaving the inhabitants of the leaves in
chaos. Two quick pops sounded, and a purple blotch of paint landed on
Michael's chest, while a deep blue ball exploded on Izzy's.
"I told you so, Davis!" Izzy stormed off, cursing Michael with all
his might.
Yolei and Ken exchanged high-fives... and then two paintballs
flew past them, an orange one and then a red - and they dove for cover,
firing in wild arcs until their first clips ran out. Meanwhile, Tai
and Sora sat up in a tree not five hundred feet away. Sora trained the
sniper paintball gun on Yolei's back... and then rolled it back. "Not gonna
get her now," Sora whispered to Tai. "We'd better get the others before
they get us."
"Jun and Matt at eight o' clock," Tai breathed in a whisper over
the rustling of the leaves. Sora aimed carefully... and was promptly
smashed in the back by three paintballs at once. She fell out of the tree,
screaming all the way.
"SORA!" Tai dove after her, managing to shield her from the impact
with the ground with his body. At the same time, Yolei's gun went off by
sheer accident, and the five paintballs that it loosed knocked Tai back
a good three feet.
"Whoops..." Tai leapt up, and finding that none of the balls Yolei
had shot had exploded, fired back, hitting both Ken and Yolei square in
the chests. They sighed, stood up, and left to go make out in Ken's new
Mazda Miata. (It was a plot contrivance. Shut up.)
Sora stood and handed Tai her weapon. "I'm out, so see what you can
do with this." She then seductively added, "I'll be at the stream...
skinny-dipping. See you there." She walked off, wriggling her hips
suggestively.
Needless to say, poor Tai got a nosebleed.
Mimi and Joe were out stalking. The arena had a huge city-like area
in the center, and they were eagerly - well, Joe, anyway; Mimi was watching
her back - hiking towards the tallest building. They doubted that they'd
find anyone there... but just then, Davis ran across the street. Joe snapped
up his gun, as did Mimi... they both fired at the fleeing Davis...
And then Cody stepped in behind them, shooting a modified paintball
gun at an approximate rate of five hundred pellets a minute. His body shook
as the pellets flew from him, slamming into Joe and Mimi a few seconds later,
and eliminating the elder Digidestined.
"Not bad, Davis," Cody said quietly as Joe and Mimi stalked off.
"Maybe you're useful after all."
"Let's go, C-man, five teams left and we're fully loaded!" The two
walked off through the buildings, ready and waiting for the next challengers.
T.K. and Kari were employing a different strategy... the make-out
attack. For every ball T.K. shot, Kari would kiss him once. As of Joe and
Mimi's elimination, he'd shot about fifty bullets.
"Hello..." Kari said as Tai walked by. "Big brother! If he sees us,
we're dead!"
"Never fear, Kari," T.K. said as he carefully aimed his weapon.
"This should do it." T.K. fired three shots directly at Tai's knee... all
of which missed, and Tai took the opportunity to return fire. He missed as
well, and both hunkered down into the bunkers that they'd created.
Meanwhile...
Davis and Cody wandered in. Seeing the pair firing at each other,
they took the liberty of employing the previous strategem: blowing both
teams away at once. Cody took out Tai, while Davis went after T.K. and
Kari.
"T.C.!?! Suck this!" Davis aimed... but Kari threw herself in front
of T.K., and Davis screamed. "I can't do it!" Davis said.
"That'll be your undoing," T.K. said, and fired a burst at Davis.
Three of the four bullets that T.K. fired exploded onto Davis's armor,
staining it a bright white, and Kari's burst, which shortly followed T.K.'s,
ripped into the armor and stained it purple.
Davis stalked off, completely furious...
"Please don't let her find me, please don't let her find me..." Matt
thought as he fled through the underbrush. Unfortunately for him, (and
fortunately for Jun,) he slammed into a tree and knocked himself out.
Collapsing to the ground, his last thought was that he'd have to watch
where he's going...
"Matt! I found you!" Jun squealed as she rushed over and glomped
him again. "Looks like we're the last two in the game!"
Matt then woke up, having only been paralyzed for a moment. He took
one look around and screamed in pure terror. "AAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
He then lay down and held a hand to his chest. "Oh, dear God... Jun's found
me... I'm dead... this has got to be hell..."
"Nope," Jun replied, a grin as big as Matt's bulging eyes on her
face. "You and I are here, and it looks like the only two left are us!
How about a celebratory kiss, huh?" She puckered up...
Matt sighed, and moved forward. However (poor Matt), when he was
in range of her arms, she enveloped him in a rather passionate embrace.
Matt made a little _eep_ sound, and tried to pull away... but Jun was far
stronger than she looked. Matt found that out the hard way.
She pulled him down to the jungle's underbrush...
"Oh... my... God..." Kari said as she looked through the sniper
scope on her gun. "Jun and Matt... making out... on the grass?"
"You've got to be kidding," T.K. said as he looked through his
scope. "Holy SHIT!" He turnd to Kari. "Let's end that disgusting scene."
The pair took aim and fired one shot each at Matt and Jun. Matt and Jun
grinned, turned, and fired a pair of pellets at T.K. and Kari. The younger
Digidestined's shots missed, but the makers-out's rang true, and T.K. and
Kari were eliminated, leaving Matt and Jun the winners of the contest.
* * * * *
Six hours later...
"Damn, are they _ever_ gonna come out of that forest?"
* * * * *
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Okay, I know this sucks, but I had to write something... I was in a
meeting with the Smithsonian scholars and I thought, "What if Mimi and Jun
were trying to kill each other over Matt?" Needless to say, the idea
morphed into this wretched steaming pile of Digi-crap.
This is gonna have to hold you for a while, as Episode 16 of Mystery
Sailor Moon Theater 3000 is definitely going to take at least a month
to finish. Please R&R this, and any C&C can be sent to Tuxedojack@juno.com.
Ja ne!
Tuxedo Jack