This is a Christmas present for my friend and biggest fan Frust-sheep. Thank you for all the joy your reviews bring me! Enjoy and everyone have a Merry Christmas! This is going to be 4 chapters, this is the first.

Chapter 1

The man most commonly and now most famously, known as Jason Bourne awoke with a start and sat straight up out of bed. His skull suddenly felt like it had been torn in half and he reached up in complete agony. As an agent for the CIA he had been trained to withstand pain and torture, but this level of pain was incredible. It hit him so unexpectedly that he almost lost bowel and bladder control.

He panted for several moments and was suddenly aware that he wasn't alone. Turning he saw that a fully dressed woman was in bed with him, he was fully dressed as well including his shoes.

The woman brushed her recently cut and dyed hair from her face and dashed his assumption that she was Marie Kreutz. He remembered that his lover of three years was dead and swallowed hard, realizing that he was suddenly very thirsty. He remembered the sight of Marie's body floating away from him in the warm waters of the Ganges. It had hovered almost spirit like in front of him and Jason suddenly had to bottle those intense emotions or else he would lose control.

One thing was for certain, he thought as he shivered; he wasn't in India. He then saw the woman shiver as well, just as he saw her breath as she exhaled into the cold dawn air. The woman sleeping next to him was named Nicky Parsons. She was his former CIA coworker who had also been stationed in Paris with him so many years ago. She tightened herself into a smaller fetal ball in a vain attempt to keep warm. She wasn't really 'small' at five foot eight but she was very slight of frame which always made her look deceptively tiny.

He saw her breath as she exhaled again and realized with a start that he didn't know where he was. He remembered having to run from the CIA and that he had put Nicky on a bus in Spain and then he left to go to New York. He remembered meeting Hirsch, then he jumped from the roof as he was shot, and he fell fourteen floors into the Hudson River.

He suddenly stood and rushed to the window and looked at the sky line: Manhattan… He looked back at his sleeping co-worker who was now stirring as well. She had once hinted that they had been more to each other than just colleagues. 'It was very difficult for me… …with you,' had been her exact words, which were ambiguous to say the least. It had been her warm brown eyes had told the real story, they had been in love and she still was. He couldn't remember how he got… here… He surveyed the room; it looked like a cheap hotel. It was undoubtedly a 'by the hour' place by the lack of heat.

Nicky had stirred and was sitting on the edge of the bed. Her eyes were sunken and she looked thinner than usual. She hadn't been eating or sleeping correctly for quite some time. With gloved hands she rubbed her face trying to regain focus. He wondered when was the last time she had slept at all, much less well. He had a million questions but didn't want to bombard her all at once.

Bourne had been injured and lost his memory before, it having been complete amnesia the first time. This seemed to be a short term loss at the very least. He had left her in Spain and now here she was in New York and he couldn't remember anything after jumping off the building and landing in the Hudson.

He looked back out the window at the street in time to see a man in a black coat and newsboy hat run across just a cab ran the light, causing a cabbie to lay on his horn and swear at the innocent pedestrian. "We have to go, now!"

She rushed to his side, but stood opposite him in order to not stand in front of the window. "Shit…" she murmured.

He looked at the window sill, the window was painted shut. "That's not an agent, he is an asset. He isn't blindly following a lead… he knows we're here! Out! Now…!"

She grabbed her backpack bolted to the door and flung it open. Jason was on her heels and barked, "Go up!" She flung open the ancient fire door to the stairway, a relic to the golden age of compartmentalization and she bound up the stairs two at a time with Jason hot on her heels.

After three flights they reached the top and it was pad locked. He started to say, "Back down…" but they both heard the screeching of a door opening five floors below them. He looked at Nicky who had just inserted lock pick tools into the pad lock. He cocked his head listening to the man taking two stairs at a time up two flights and got off on their old floor. "Come on… No time…"

The lock popped open and she smiled in a very Mona Lisa way and he realized that he had never seen her smile, not that he could remember anyway. In her defense the majority of the times he had seen her since he had lost his memory had been down the barrel of a gun. She pulled the padlock off and started to replace it on the opened hatch, "take it. He might not know it was locked…" She grabbed it and threw the door open and shut it behind them.

Bourne muttered, "Don't move. We'll leave foot prints in the snow, walk around the edge near the door where the snow has melted. He might not look. Okay good… go!" They ran to the edge and he shouted over the winter wind, "Fire escape, now! It is on the opposite side as our room… he won't see us."

She slid down the ladder and then started meandering down the fire escape at a staggering speed. She kicked the release for the ladder to drop to the street and she placed her hands and feet on the outside of the rungs and slid to the street. Bourne glared at her in wonder as she stared up at the roof, "…glad I grew up in Soho and hated dictatorial regimes!" She turned and ran from the alley to the street and glanced back to the alley, "Fuck!"

Bourne looked over his shoulder to see the asset at the far end of the alley glaring at them both from the opposite street. She held up her hand giving him the one fingered salute, "Bite me Nigel, you always were an asshole…"

"Please don't tap the glass Nicolette…" Bourne scolded, expecting a scathing rebuke but she let it pass. "I forgot you know them all, well some of them…" he said as Nicky spun and ran down the sidewalk.

She saw a bunch of girls about to get in a cab when Nicky suddenly screeched, "Oh my God! That's Ben Affleck!" while pointing and looking past them. No seasoned New Yorker would've fallen for that even though Affleck had just been proclaimed 'the sexiest man alive' by most of the newsstand rags, but these girls were college girls visiting during winter break from the look of their clothing. Jason jumped in and Nicky slammed the door after them screaming "Go, go, go!" to the cab driver.

He heard one of the girls exclaim, "That was Erika Christensen, that sow jacked our cab!"

As the cabbie yanked the wheel and tore into traffic as another girl shouted, "I hated you in Traffic!" not realizing the irony.

"We won't get far in this…" Bourne said looking over his shoulder.

In response Nicky grabbed a fist full of hundred dollar bills from her purse, "If you can get me to 42nd and Park in 7 minutes I'll give you a thousand dollars!"

Both men looked at her like she was crazy, "The paparazzi are chasing me…"

The cabby saw the wad of cash and spun back around, in answer he pounded on the accelerator. "I can't wait to see Spiderman!" the cabbie managed in a thick Turkish accent.

Jason braced himself and looked over and Nicky was counting out ten one hundred dollar bills as the car wove in and out of traffic, tore through yellow lights, and at one point crossed into the contra lane when there was an opening. Jason looked behind them and saw no evidence of pursuit.

"We should get out here…" he whispered. He looked over and she unfolded her fingers and he saw that she was holding a pad lock key and then coughed needlessly looking at the cab driver. Bourne nodded his understanding and she looked at the unit number on the key before stowing it in her pocket again.

The cab got within a block of their destination and Nicky barked, "This is good, pull over!" She held out the cash in a clutched fist, "Now I want you to actually drive to Newark to the airport. Put it in your log and you were never here. If you do this I will know and I will call you again for more work, do you understand?"

He nodded and took the cash and passed her his card, "Have a nice flight... How many bags and where are you going?"

"One backpack and Iceland… Thanks…" She jumped out and Bourne followed on her side and then they briskly walked down the sidewalk.

He cracked a smile, "That's a little different, but I guess you're the psychologist. You want him to spread the word but make it seem like you over did it? Iceland is a nice touch, out of the way but a major hub to move through on the cheap. You know that though… Ms. Logistics…"

She smiled again slightly and ducked under the awning of a closed store. She pulled out a different color beret and scarf and put them on as well as glasses she usually used to read. She looked in the glass door and then tucked her mangled hair under the beret. "That's good enough, we need to keep moving…" he said as she pulled out reading glasses and put them on.

He followed her into grand central terminal which seemed full to capacity, even more so than usual. He followed closely as she wove through the tourists and sightseers like the native New Yorker she was and into the subway and she got on the first train going north. They rode for ten minutes before switching trains and followed suit three more times.

Suddenly Jason doubled over in agony as he felt like a piece of molten metal was in his skull. "Ahggg," he gasped involuntarily. He saw Nicky look around, she knew he must be in trouble to show pain, but it wasn't just the pain but it was the overt suddenness of the onset. It was as though he had been shot. He couldn't breathe and felt the sudden need to projectile vomit, which he fought.

Bourne was still trying to regain composer as the train stopped and Nicky moved to get off the train. He saw a miscreant change course to intercept Nicky as they got off the 3rd train but couldn't offer much more than a hushed warning, "Pickpocket on your left…"

She clutched her purse in both hands and the ruffian switched course to an old Chinese woman ahead of Nicky. Bourne moved swiftly and swept his legs and moved to pull backward on his jacket collar but he missed with both attacks. Bourne blinked twice in shock and then launched into another flurry of blows, intending to arm bar him in a jujitsu lock and force him to the ground. When Bourne reached out to grab his arm Bourne's hand reached right through him! Jason swung a volley of jabs; all passed through the man's face as he bumped into the elderly woman and removed her coin purse from her coat pocket.

Jason staggered backward in shock and walked through a pillar. His head once again burned with white hot intensity. "Ma'am… Ma'am!" he heard Nicky bellow. He forced his eyes open and saw that Nicky had the man on his knees and his face was contorted in anguish as Nicky applied more pressure to the man's wrist which was locked behind his back. "Ma'am, you dropped your wallet… the nice man was returning it…"

The woman looked afraid and didn't seem to understand until Nicky nodded and stared at his other hand. The ancient Chinese woman finally saw her purse and snatched it from him and then struck him swiftly with her umbrella several times while screaming at him in Mandarin.

"Problem…?" a voice asked from behind Nicky, she had gathered the attention of a transit cop.

Bourne cautioned, "You need to get out of here, you can't have him report this."

Nicky blinked at the cop, "No problem officer… This nice man just slipped and I was helping him up… right?" she asked the hood whom she still held in an arm bar who nodded rapidly.

"Both of you step over here…" he motioned against the wall as he grabbed the man's other arm.

"Great," muttered Bourne as he tried to determine if he was dreaming or hallucinating.

"Are you sure you don't want to press charges?"

"No officer, I think he learned his lesson…"

"That was pretty impressive. I was following him. I figured he was up to no good. I saw everything…" he eyes flashed for a split second to Nicky's left hand which was gloved.

She didn't miss the glance either and nervously pulled her glove off and held up her hand, showing the lack of a wedding band. "Cold hands…" she murmured as she blushed nervously.

"Here," he held out his hand. She took his hand and he rubbed his hands on hers as Nicky looked at his naked ring finger.

"Wow, you have warm hands…" she fawned as both Bourne and the crook rolled their eyes incredulously.

"You," he eyed the thug, "this is your lucky day. Get out of here…" he advised and the man retreated.

"Yeah, only because you're looking to get lucky…" Bourne fumed as Nicky bit her lip in a clear sign of anticipation of that very thing. "Great, now I know I'm not dreaming… Male inadequacy was never a weak point of mine…"

The lawman continued, "…so, you already have plans tonight?"

"Tonight, yes… but I might be able to fit you in later…"

Jason huffed, "That totally sounded like a 'size does matter' inquiry Parsons…" to which she smirked."Wait… can you hear me…?" He thought for a moment, "Your hair is sticking out on the left side and looks horrible…" he tried as a test. She reached up and tucked it in.

The policeman pulled out his card and gave it to her, "Well, I'd love it if you could…"

"Oh my God…! Seriously Nicky? You do remember there are people trying to kill you right? Take the card and go…" She smiled coyly and took the card before leaving. It wasn't until later that she realized that she hadn't even told him her name.

Bourne numbly followed her out of the subway station contemplating his predicament. "So, I'm dead…? I don't remember getting out of the river… because I never did," he said hauntingly. He saw her looking at the card blushing again and smiling brightly. Having enough of the subject he snapped, "What was that with Captain America back there? I just remembered you telling me you like Latin and Italian men? Damn, I'm not even cold yet!"

The light on the street corner changed but she didn't move with the rest of the crowd. He looked over and her face was pale and she was trembling on the verge of breaking down in hysteria. "Hey I'm sorry… I didn't mean it. You can't lose it now. You have to be strong like me… Set your jaw. I said clench your jaw, it helps." She did and took a deep breath and held it.

"Look, there is a hotdog guy over there… you need to eat something. We are right by the park, buy something and grab a bench. She did as he asked and Jason was surprised that the vendor didn't make her pay, he just smiled and told her to keep her chin up and that it would all be over in a week? Jason lustfully watched her eat, "I wouldn't have taken you for a 'kraut kinda girl…" She ate the dog ravenously and Jason could swear he could almost feel his stomach growl. Her face was a mess when she was done and she dutifully wiped it and threw her trash away as she left the park.

She walked with a firm determination for several long blocks. Her pace was fast and her shoulders square. "There's the businesswoman we know and love..." They went to a café where she sat inside near a window and was more interested in what was going on outside than her cappuccino.

He finally saw she was watching one building more than the others. "There? You need to go in there?" He squinted trying to read the sign and suddenly he was in front of the building without walking. He looked at the sign; it was a moving and storage company. He looked in every direction and saw no sign of surveillance. He thought about going to the café and was there again. "Okay there is nothing overt, but we should do a walk by then later a drive by before coming back later."

He followed her over to 41st and backtracked a block until they reached a storage facility. They hailed a cab and then drove around the area for awhile. "Okay, we are good on the outside. Once you go in you need to get in and out as fast as you can, in less than five minutes if possible…"

She entered without difficulty and then walked to a desolate section of the storage facility, obviously in a section for long time tenants. Bourne took notice of the dust on the high grade pad lock before she started opening it. "I didn't like the look of the guy at the desk; he stared at you too long… He might be dropping the dime on you, hurry…"

She rolled up the door and he saw it was a fairly large unit that was filled to overflowing by things covered with sheets. She picked up a flashlight near the door and checked the batteries. She then lifted one of the sheets that was covering an antique table and crawled under it, lowering the sheet behind her. Bourne followed her as she crawled through a tiny maze in the furniture until she reached the back corner of the unit.

"You know this was pretty smart. I wouldn't have thought about doing this, putting the important things in the back. I just remembered that my brother and I used to build sheet forts when we were kids… hell I just remembered that I have a brother," he laughed. "We'd hang string across the room and put sheets over them to make ceilings and walls." They arrived at their destination and he saw she had a queen sized mattress lying on the ground that was fully made. "You aren't going to stay here are you?" She grabbed a backpack and checked the contents then did the same with a laptop bag. She took a few items from the back pack she was wearing and left the old one there.

She reached under the pillow and pulled out a holstered pistol and checked the magazine. She stared at the gun in her small hands and he said gently, "You know you will need it, I'm sorry Nicolette…" She shoved it and some spare clips in the backpack and turned to leave, but then stopped abruptly.

She picked up a dusty picture frame that was by the mattress and wiped it off. It was a picture of them both at a costume party, a company party from the looks of it. He recognized Alexander Conklin doubled over in the background in laughter as was everyone else. Bourne was dressed as Snoopy and was on all fours being choked by his leash as she was yanking him across the room. She was dressed as Charlie Brown. He saw her bald head and he remembered, "You had cancer…" he said slowly."Breast cancer… They told you a week before this was taken that it was terminal… the mastectomy and the chemotherapy didn't work. Later Conklin pulled in a careers worth of favors to get you in an experimental drug program, it saved your life." She giggled looking at the picture and suddenly he got the joke, "a dog and his master… an asset and his handler. It's the only picture of us together; I never would pose for any, it was too big of a risk to you," he mumbled guiltily. "You should take it; you can never come back here Nicky. Not ever."

She stuffed it into her bag, made her way out of the unit, and locked it behind her. Instead of going the way they came she went the other direction, turned the corner and walked to the end of the hall to the fire door. She popped the cover off of the exit alarm wiring and then put it back. "You disabled it already. That a girl."

She was grinning as she stepped into the alleyway and into the glaring sunlight and made her way across the street and back down to the cafe. She bought a prepaid cell phone from a corner store on the way and a hot chocolate from the café.

Bourne was staring out the window watching the building and looked over when he heard typing, Nicky was surfing beauty salons. He shook his head but let her dalliance pass, he had bullied her enough and was willing to give her a moment of peace. Nicky dialed a number and said, "Yes, I'd like to set an appointment today, uh-huh yeah, I know… but thought you might have some cancellations. Two? Great are they with the same girl? Great I'll take them both, the others for my mom…" Bourne's head jerk around at that. "No, it's okay that they aren't back to back. Better actually, I'll take the first one at 10. It's Constance. The 4 o'clock is for my mom Pamela Landy…"

He leaned closer as if he could be overheard, "Pam? You're going to contact Pam?"

"Okay, thanks a lot. Oh, who is it with? Betty? Okay, I'll make it worth her while… Thanks, you too…!"

She had been holding the phone to her opposite ear, when she lowered it he saw that it was hooked to her computer and she quickly hit the call button on a computer program that was running. He hadn't seen that program before, but understood what she was doing, "You're ghosting the phone number in case they check it out. Clever girl…" he said which made her smile.

He heard the computer dial a number; it was on speaker this time. It rang five times and she was about to hang up as someone picked up on the other end. "Pamela Landy…"

Nicky intoned in her best high school girl voice, "ye-ah, Mrs. Lindy… this is Nicole at Beauty Before Bills calling to remind you of your appointment tonight at 4 o'clock for a Full Monty…"

There was a brief silence where Bourne wondered if Pam was going to ignorantly miss the ruse before she finally answered, "I'm glad you called, I forgot that was today. That was with my usual girl right?"

"Let me check…" Nicky waited fifteen seconds. "Yes, you are down for Betty and she is working today."

"Thanks, I'll be there…" and the line went dead. Nicky unplugged the phone from the laptop and pulled the battery from the phone.

She was almost done packing up the rest of her gear when Bourne muttered, "Damn, I knew it…" Her head jerked up in time to see Nigel Ward, the asset from earlier get out of a van and walk towards the storage building. "The desk clerk sold you out."

"Do you have a tracer? You should wire the van…" She grabbed a small black box from the laptop bag and headed for the door. She tossed the phone in the trash and walked across the street. "What are you waiting for?" he asked at her hesitation as she peered at the van apprehensively. "Oh, there is no one in it. They work alone… they always work alone…" at which she quickly approached the van and stuck the magnetic box under the rear panel.

She quickly walked in the other direction at a rapid pace, "Okay you can slow down a bit, you look suspicious…" He turned to look at her and she was gone, she had stopped entirely in front of a church. She suddenly turned to go in, "What now…" He went to follow her and saw a sign on the door for midnight mass.

He found her inside the door lighting candles and mumbling a name each time, some were for her relatives others for names that sounded familiar. He knew Danny Zorn's name as well as Conklin's. The last one she lit went unnamed.

"Midnight mass… it's Christmas Eve, that's why everyone is being nice…" He listened as the choir started to practice silent night. Finally she said very softly, "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this. I should've gone with him in Paris. It should have been me… Merry Christmas Marie…" she turned and left in stubborn resoluteness leaving a stunned Bourne staring at the last candle.

The Manipulated pic I am using for the cover art was created Frust-sheep and inspired me to write this (I thought he looked ghost-like with the light all around him).