While I adore these characters, they do not belong to me. They belong to the brilliant Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
Breaking Apart
It's been 2 months since the battle with the newborns and I've barely been able to get a full night of sleep since. I lay awake at night constantly thinking about everything that's happened since I made the decision to move to Forks and live with Charlie. When I do sleep I still have the recurring nightmares about James and Victoria. Things between me and Edward haven't been the same since Italy. While I was able to escape before the Volturi realized I was what stopped Edward from signing his own death sentence, I can't help but worry my luck is going to run out and they'll learn of my knowledge of Vampires.
After the battle with the newborns I went back to Jacob's house to make sure he'd be okay and since the Volturi were coming, Edward didn't protest. I don't know why I was so adamant on leaving with Jacob that day. While I felt as if I needed to be with him, I could've stayed so the Volturi would force Edward into making me a Vampire. That's what I wanted right, an eternity with Edward? I wasn't so sure if I was okay with having that future forced upon me anymore.
Everything with me and Jacob had changed after Edward abandoned me in the forest. The best decision I made was driving out to La Push and asking Jake to work on those bikes with me. I have to admit I wouldn't have minded if he dragged out the rebuilding. I felt a connection with him that kept me returning every day. When he started to ignore me once the bikes were finished, I thought I was literally going to fall apart. My heart couldn't handle another rejection. After I went to see him and he told me to leave and never come back, I felt even more drawn to him like the world had completely stopped once he looked into my eyes. I could tell he felt the same way and yet he still insisted I leave.
Once I put together the pieces after he showed up at my house that same night, I officially hated Sam. How could he order Jacob not to tell me something so important? So what if Jake was a werewolf? I knew he could handle himself around me and it's not as if I hadn't been with a monster. I had to go to La Push to see him and tell him that I knew. Jake fought for me and after our walk on the beach, I felt so relieved. That was short lived when I found out Victoria was after me but that fight ended when Edward killed her on the mountain months later.
I felt bad leaving Jacob to go save Edward that night but I couldn't live with myself knowing he killed himself because I just had to throw myself off a cliff to hear his voice. None of this made any sense. I felt a connection to Jacob and yet I couldn't let Edward go. I'll admit that once I came back to Forks, I purposely avoided Jacob. I knew he was pissed at me and I just couldn't face him, I was being a coward. I had been such a horrible person and yet he still wanted to protect me through everything. If it wasn't for him and his pack, we would've never survived the newborn attack. Jake risked his life and was extremely injured during it all and still he vowed to wait for me until my heart stopped beating, maybe even after. I should've admitted my feelings to him then, told him I loved him too but that would've been selfish because I wasn't yet willing to break up with Edward. However, I have been laying here questioning why I agreed to marry Edward when clearly Jake also held a huge piece of my heart.
I finally realized what it is I need to do. I may not want to be without Edward but I know I could survive without him. I need Jake, I feel empty when I'm away from him. I don't ever want to be without him. It can't happen. He's like the oxygen that keeps me breathing and my heart beating.
I looked over at my alarm clock, it was already 8am. I could hear Charlie getting ready for work and I wasn't going to waste another day lying in bed contemplating my life and poor decisions. I grabbed a towel from the back of my bedroom door and took a quick shower. I found myself blow drying my hair and picking out a cute dress Alice had bought me with a matching pair of Tory Burch flats. I don't know what came over me but I wanted to look hot. I even curled my hair and did my makeup. I've always been called beautiful but that was plain Bella who wore jeans with a flannel shirt and converse. That wasn't hot, it was just comfortable.
I grabbed my keys, walked down the stairs and went directly into the kitchen where Charlie was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. I grabbed a granola bar and made myself some chocolate milk before sitting down across from him. He had been unaware I was even there until I sat down. He looked up at me and nearly spit out his coffee.
"What's the occasion Bells, did I forget something?" he asked, placing his coffee on the table. He had a suspicious look on his face and I knew he thought it had something to do with Edward.
"No. I just wanted to try something different today. Do you not like it?" I asked. I put the last piece of my granola bar in my mouth and chugged down my chocolate milk as I stood up. As I grabbed my keys he replied, "I love it Bells, it's nice to see you coming into your own."
I walked towards the front door and Charlie followed behind me. We both grabbed our jackets and walked out the front door. As I went to open the door to my truck, Charlie asked, "Where are you off to today?" I wasn't sure if I should tell him because he might make the wrong assumption but I wasn't big on lying to my father so I told him the truth, "La Push, I want to spend the weekend with Jake." Of course a big smile lit up his face. I think he knew exactly what was happening but he wouldn't say it. "Make sure you check in with me if you decide to spend the night" He said as he got into his cruiser.
I didn't know if I would spend the night or if Jake was going to forgive me for my mistakes. I took one last look at my reflection in my rearview mirror, "I hope Jake likes the new Bella" I said to myself and I put my truck in reverse. I drove straight to La Push, my hands shaking the entire time. I was nervous and excited to see what would come of my carefully thought out decision.