Straightjacket Feeling, a lost fanfic

A/N: Okay… I love this song and thought it would be good to write a song fiction on it. Well, here you go.

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

He had gone with her to the end. From when they were rescued, to running away from the cops. But he always put her through hell. He had helped her so much, and she was grateful for that. She had thought she loved him, but she didn't.

Sure, she was alone now, she stood alone just like that song by Godsmack called 'I Stand Alone'. She was alone. She couldn't run to the other anymore. That person she wanted was over a million miles away. And that tore her inside.

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

She drove away, running. The cops were heading to her little shack she called a house for about four months. She had gotten used to that house and really liked it. But she had to go. She had to run. Run Katie, run away. Her voice in her head was telling her to give up and the other voice in her head was saying to run.

So she listened to the louder one. To run. Run away. Run away just like she did with him. She was always in contact with him. She never stopped talking to him in letters or phone calls. Because she still loved him slightly. Or she didn't.

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

She was fine on her own. The first six years of running herself was all she had to talk to. Unless she wanted to talk to the ants that crawled on the kitchen floors of the old houses she stayed in. She talked to herself, comforted herself. She was herself, only herself.

She could stand the cold by herself, and she could stand the heat. But yet, even with millions of people around her, she always felt alone because herself was all she needed. No one else, nothing more. She cried by herself, she talked to herself. She continued to run because she didn't think she could stand being in prison with a bunch of other people, a bunch of people around her, holding the same past as she had, only no girl was just like her. No girl should be like her.

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

She could let go of him if she wanted. She could let go of everyone if she wanted. But she was still holding on, not wanting to let go of the comfort of someone else with her. Someone else that stood with her, a past similar to her. She didn't want to be alone, yet she was always alone, she was all she had. She was the one thing she had.

She was the person that held her up high yet held her so down low. She was the only person like her. She was the only person with the horrid past of her own. Because she was all she had. She was fine without anyone because she didn't need anyone by her side. She just preferred it. Preferred the company.

And when that memory slips away
There'll be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

She was forgetting, forgetting everything that happened on the island was going away, slipping away. Blood dripped down her arm as she ran still. Everything was slipping away, everything was fading. She was running, yet she wasn't moving. She was running, going as fast as she could, her legs carrying her as best they could.

She fell down, her eyes losing view. And then a person lifted her up and set her down on a seat. When she opened her eyes there was the one person that she thought she'd never see the day after he left her running away. Sawyer. She smiled and then closed her eyes, giving into the darkness.

Sure, he helped her that one day that she needed it truly. But he had his own life, his own running to do. No one would ever stay with her, no matter how hard she tried to remember, her memories faded, leaving her eyes, her thoughts. She ran. And the only person she remembered was the one person that called, that wrote.

Yet she was alone. This feeling she had was her own, the kind she had since she started to run. This straightjacket feeling.

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