Chapter One
Hikaru's secret
I know what I did was wrong. I know that when he fell asleep, I should have kept my hands to myself. But of course, being my usual stupid self, I couldn't keep myself under control. As his eyes were closed I crawled myself onto him. Felt his skin through the tips of fingers, feeling sensations I haven't felt in a long time. Pecked his lips with my own. Touched his hair, felt his heart beat, and tasted the inside of his mouth.
I hated myself when I was done. When I rolled back on my side and closed my eyes, not to fall asleep, but to mentally beat myself up over what I had just done. Kaoru can never find out, I must always be quiet. Always soft. Almost invisible. But when I'm with him, I don't want it to be soft. I want to give him my all. I want to eat him up; all the way to the core.
Smoke filled the room as I puffed on my eighth cigarette. I opened the window a bit more to let the room air out. I hated nights like these. Usually I can go on for awhile, but very often I need a recharge. I need to touch him. Then when I'm done I'm so overpowered with guilt I smoke the whole night away.
"Hikaru?" Kaoru sits up in bed. Damn, he must have smelled the smoke, I flicked the cigerette out the window.
"Go back to sleep." I said.
"Come to sleep with me."
Why does he say things like that? I ruffle my hair and get back into bed, warm under the covers. Kaoru wraps his arm around my cheast.
"This time you can't leave me." He whispered.
My eyes went wide, but I made sure my "downstairs" stayed in place. I stayed up until his breath went heavy. I wonder what he dreams about? I get out of bed and stretch. Then I looked down back at him. If only he knew how crazy he made me feel. I bent down and kissed him gently on his lips. Then before I could do anything else I left the room and followed the stairs to the second floor.
Oh, so this was where my legs were taking me. Dad's office. Except, it wasn't really an office. It was more of a room with a desk, computer, and cabinets beyond cabinets of alchol. I looked around before choosing one that looked interesting. I took it down and unscrewed it. I gulped the burning liquid down my throat, sending tingles throught my body.
It's not like I'm a heavy alcholic. I mean, I've been up here before, once with Kaoru. Others by myself. I can't help myself. Drinking this calms my nerves and helps me not think of Kaoru. But I always put the bottle back after taking a few sips. Always.
MORNING
I need a new pack of cigerettes. I didn't sleep a wink last night, smoking away all my cancer sticks. I sigh as Kaoru enters the kitchen, taking down a box of cereal.
"Good morning to you too." He smirked.
"Sorry." I put my hand against my pounding head, "Splitting headache."
"Ah." Kaoru muffled through a handful of coco puffs.
I took a few, opened my mouth, then decided better of it. I threw them away.
"Are you going to be ok?" Kaoru asked, leaning closer to me, he puts his hand on my head, "Wow, you really are burning up."
I doubted it was from the headache. He was far too close for his own good. My heart began to pick up pace, but I quickly shoved away his hands.
"I'll be fine."
"If you say so. Come on, let's get to school."
"I'll be there in a sec, I forgot a book upstairs."
Kaoru left the house. I raced up the stairs and into dad's office. Pulled out the same bottle that smelled so good, and took a few swigs. Then, without even thinking clearly, I poured some into a dark water bottle. I know what your thinking; I shouldn't do this. But it's just a one time thing. Then I was on my way out the door.