The Reality of Love
Sirius licked his lips as he watched the rain pelting down onto the cobblestone street in London. He pulled his cloak tighter about his body as he glanced around nervously, in case someone he knew arrived or saw him. His heart was racing, pounding in his chest uncontrollably. It only quickened when he noticed her.
Across the road a familiar figure strode from around the corner, a black trench coat wrapped tightly around her against the biting wind. A wisp of her auburn hair escaped her hood, and it blew behind her violently in the strong wind.
A smile spread across Sirius' face as he watched her beautiful, thin figure striding confidentially down the footpath. Her heels no doubt clicking in perfect beat. A warmth spread through Sirius as he thought about her, rubbing his hand over his stubble ridden cheek with a small chuckle as he remembered her words,
"I wish you'd get rid of this stubble Sirius- it's so prickly," she had said with a pouting sulk as she lay on the bed sheets naked, her supple white skin so perfect and bare. Sirius knew her body by memory, his hands had caressed her curves hundreds of times, and his lips touched the softest skin on her body, as the pair had embraced heatedly, lovingly, perfectly.
She pulled open a door to a large muggle hotel, slinking inside after glancing around quickly. Sirius had slipped from behind the pole and begun to walk across the street, towards the hotel door. The glorious visions and memories of him and her quickly vanishing with a sickening jolt as the realisation of why he was there returned to him, and the knowledge that other hands caressed her body when she was not with him making him sick to the core.
As he entered the foyer of the grand hotel nostalgia washed over him. It had been here that they had run into each other the day that had changed everything. He still remembered it as though it was yesterday.
He had decided that a muggle hotel was the last place his family would look for him. So he had changed some galleons into muggle money and walked into the hotel intent on booking a room to stay in until he knew how to avoid his horrid family.
He had been looking around nervously when he had seen her, a vision of beauty with her porcelain skin and auburn hair. Her green eyes smiling out at the world as she walked by in a green summer dress tied about her, tiny waist. Sirius had not been able to tear his eyes off her. She had always been beautiful, but seeing her here out of school, with no-one else around and his heart had suddenly belonged to her. Unable to allow her to pass by him, he had made a move towards her,
"Lily," he had stated with a husky voice still raw from the tears and screaming of the past few weeks. Her eyes had stared into his bruised face full of compassion,
"Sirius, what happened?" she had asked, rushing forward and gently stroking his swollen eye,
"My family," he had muttered uncomfortably, lowering his gaze from her beautiful clear face with shame. Her manicured hand had slipped under his manly chin and lifted his face,
"Where's James?" She had asked gently, her eyes soft and loving
"I don't want him to know, please you must not tell him," Sirius had replied, and although she seemed to dislike the notion she had agreed.
"I'm here to avoid my sister," Lily had revealed all of a sudden, her own eyes full of emotion, "she hates me so much because of what I am," she had paused her green eyes filling with tears, "the things she said, the things she did-" Lily sniffed and Sirius felt that he loved her in that moment, as she raised her watery eyes to his own and stated, "how can family be so cruel?" Sirius had shrugged. Before leaning forward and gently wiping away the tears that were slowly slipping down Lily's face with his thumb. The pain that they shared was what drove them together. Their lust was their addiction, their love the salvation from the pain of their lives.
That night they had feasted in a muggle restaurant around the corner, and gotten drunk of muggle alcohol. With drunken clearness they had given into their feelings and their relationship had begun that night, and although he knew that it was 'wrong' Sirius had never felt the least bit guilty.
"Sirius," the sound of his own name caused fear to race through Sirius' as he whirled around in horror. Terrified at the thought that someone had seen him following Lily into the hotel. His brown eyes searched frantically, his heart in his throat. "It is you, how are you?" Sirius relaxed as Arthur Weasley came into view,
"Good Arthur," he stated with a weak smile, hoping that Arthur had not seen Lily enter moments earlier.
"I'm just admiring the muggle architecture and technology; it is fascinating what they do without magic," Arthur had then pointed at the corner of the room where a line of muggles were walking up to a strange square machine, "that is called an automatic telling machine, muggles put a plastic card into it, type in a special code, and then it gives them money as though it were in the bank! Isn't that fascinating?" Sirius nodded with a fake smile, but Arthur was not fooled. "So, young Sirius, what are you doing here in the muggle part of London?" Sirius' face blanched with fear,
"I'm just meeting up with a friend, it's an old tradition we have," he stated smoothly, but horror enveloped his soul at Arthur's response,
"Ahh yes of course, I saw James come in just before! Headed over to the bar I believe, well carry on I must be home to Molly, cheerio!" Sirius managed a vague nod as his head began to swim. James was there... Sweat poured down Sirius' face as he tried to calm his erratic heart. Timidly he glanced over towards the bar, and edged towards it slowly.
Sirius peeked in and saw James and Lily in a heated argument. Sirius felt as though he would vomit. Words drifted over to him, and they made his nausea worse.
"How can you do this Lily? Let him touch you? I'll kill him, friend or not!" James snarled angrily,
"Don't you dare James, he'll kill you!" she let out a gasp and a sniff before continuing with, "I'm so sorry, it just isn't that simple," Sirius raised a shaky hand to his face, dabbing at the sweat before he walked into the bar.
Lily's eyes widened with horror as she noticed Sirius standing behind James, tears rolling down her beautiful face, streaking it with make-up. She mouthed the words, go away, but Sirius would not back down.
James frowned and glanced over his shoulder and noticed Sirius. The colour drained from his face as he stared at his best friend standing before him, hands clenched and jaw locked in determination.
"Sirius, what are you doing here?" James asked with a stutter, fear evident in his eyes. Sirius took pleasure at the squirming,
"I'm here to find the scumbag that is fucking my girl," Sirius stated, his tone cold and harsh. Lily turned away and slumped onto a chair with large wracking sobs, but neither man looked at her.
"Oh, are you now," James asked, trying to act as though it was not he that was holding Lily in the moments of her infidelity. He was acting as though it was not him who had bedded her for weeks behind his best friends back. Acting like it was not he, James Potter, who was betraying his best friend in the worst possible way. "Any idea who the bastard is?" James asked with a nervous giggle that betrayed his inner fears. Sirius shook his head in disgust.
"Yeah, I do actually. Some dirty, conniving, back-stabbing man-whore who has always had to be better than I was, he always had to outdo me in everything. Quidditch, rule-breaking, family 'dilemmas' though he had none of those that were real, and all the while I let it go. I shrugged it off. But now he's gone and taken the one good thing from my life. My fiancée," Sirius paused, he was shaking with anger now, barely able to control his anger and despair, "but the bastard can have her and I hope they both rot in hell for what they have done. I never want to see either of them again," Sirius snapped the last bit with a growl before turning and walking from the bar, out of the hotel and into the street.
"Padfoot! Padfoot, wait! Let me explain!" James yelled as he sprinted after his friend, desperate to try and fix what had been done.
White rage overwhelmed Sirius as he felt his ex-friends hand clasp onto his shoulder, and he quickly cast it off,
"Don't you dare touch me," Sirius snarled as he tried to keep walking.
"Just listen will you! Let me explain!" James pleaded. Sirius stopped and looked down at James in disgust,
"Let you explain what James? You're lack of morals, you're lack of honour? I don't want to hear a word that comes out of that filthy mouth of yours again," Sirius snapped, unable to ignore his friend and the intense emotions in his body. James shook his head,
"It wasn't like that Sirius, I tried to ignore my feelings, I really did! They were just too strong," Sirius gave a chuckle of disgust,
"Oh forget it James, I really don't want to hear the details," James sucked his bottom lip and shook his head,
"It's partially your fault it all happened Padfoot! You know that right, if you paid Lily the attention she deserved then..." the sentence was cut short as Sirius' fist collided forcefully with James' jaw, knocking him to the ground.
Sirius stood looking down at the pitiful wretch lying in the rain on the ground, with blood gushing from the broken nose and running down his face. Sirius did not care that everyone had stopped to watch, he did not notice them, and all he saw was Lily, her face a mask of guilt and shame.
"Can you give her your heart, your body and your soul? Can you confess your love and your folly to her devote every ounce of your being to her?" Sirius snarled he knew that Lily could hear him; he knew that the words would hurt her but he no longer cared about her feelings. "Can you look up to me now and say that you've done nothing wrong? That you don't deserve this and so much more because of what you have done to me? SHE MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME JAMES! YOU KNEW THAT!" Sirius shouted, hot prickly tears of anger welling in his eyes, "Everything, and you had to ruin it didn't you? You don't think! You just do whatever you damn well please without any regards to how it affects others!"
"Sirius please, just stop this," it was Lily who spoke, and her words shattered into Sirius' broken world like blazing daggers intent to destroy the very essence of his being,
"Where did I go wrong Lil? What was wrong with loving you with my whole heart? I gave you everything, all that I could, but it wasn't enough for you was it? You had to have better, you had to have more. You're just as bad as he is," Sirius kicked at James numbly, not even cringing at the groan of agony from his feet, "you said you loved me, you wanted me, you even agreed to marry me Lily," a sudden thought hit Sirius like a four-tonne lorry, "was this going on when I proposed?" he demanded, his voice bitter. Lily looked away and lowered her gaze, before whispering a hollow,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know how to tell you," she raised her gaze and looked at him with pity, "you just looked so happy I couldn't turn you down," Sirius nodded and shook his head, running a hand over his face.
"But you still went behind my back and fucked James; did you think that I wouldn't find out? Did you think I was that stupid Lily?" She did not reply, instead she sunk to her knees and gently cradled James in her hands as she helped him to stand. The pair of them walked away, back towards the hotel, with Lily glancing over her shoulder one last time. I'm sorry, she mouthed to Sirius, before turning her head back and disappearing into the crowd.
Sirius stood on the pavement for a long time, his chest burning as he stared at the place where she had last stood, his beautiful auburn haired princess. He opened his hand to find that she had slipped the engagement ring into his palm. Without any feeling or emotion he let it drop to the ground, not caring where it fell. He was alone, a dejected heartbroken figure in a crowd of faceless people. Alone, and utterly broken.