A/N: Don't own One Piece. Don't own Hangover either. Comma's are my enemies. Sorry I had to take the initial one down but after intensive reading I realised it was all but ready. Grrr. En-fucking-joy!
"Sanji-kuuun."
"..."
"Uuuuhn."
"..."
"OH SANJI-KUN!"
"..."
"MORE SANJI-KUN!"
"Shhh.."
"SANJI!"
"Just a little further..."
"SANJI! SANJI!"
"Baby..."
"YOU FUCKING GAY BOY!"
"Eh?!"
"WAKE THE FUCK UP!"
Two pairs of eyelids shot open at the sudden reality of his dream. The first thing that came into his vision was a green blur.
Green.
Focusing, his eyes recognised the face attached to the stupid green blur.
Don't fucking tell me.
Looking at the green with bewildered eyes, Sanji finally attained his full vision, allowing his aching eyes to gulp in a heavy HD view of a drenched in sweat Zoro. Clarity.
Oh, he is so fucked.
Imitating a move that his captain was rather famous for, Sanji reared back his arm, pumping all the blood from his body..
Mostly from his dick.
FROM HIS WHOLE BODY.
Sanji rocketed a punch that was promptly delivered to the shit faced swordsman in front of him.
Swiftly dodging it, even though he was hangover'd rather severely, Zoro simply ducked the feeble punch which was redirected to an unsuspecting victim behind him
Fist meets nose.
A rather long nose.
A feeble punch for Zoro, was a Mike Tyson's uppercut for another. And so the poor long-nosed youth was kindly introduced to the hand that made his breakfast, lunch and supper.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!?"
"ASK THE SHIT HEAD IN FRONT OF YOU!"
"HOLY SHIT SOMEONE! SOMEONE COVER SANJI'S FACE!"
"WHAT? WHY?!"
"DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOUR EYEBROWS CAN DO TO A HANGOVER'D MAN!"
Exhaling from the come back before, Sanji realised that it wasn't worth it to continue playing this stupid two-player game and replied in an irritated murmur, "Fucking bastard." Looking around, he finally noticed his surroundings.
Watching the chef investigate the 4x4 metre piece of shit you call a room, the two fellow crew mates readied themselves for yet another fit.
Within these 3 seconds of scanning, Sanji noticed a few things about his surroundings.
Stained wall. Stained wall. Another stained wall. A stained wall with half a human protruding. A beaten down bed. No covers. More stains. Dirty floor. Smelly floor. I slept on this floor. Fan. Not helping. Marimo sweating. Fridge. A fridge for an anorexic midget. A pot plant. Probably the only thing providing them with oxygen. Windows? Shut. Dirty. Keep them shut. Clothes? Not mine. Wait.. Nope not at all. Polar bear. Alright, okay. Holy shit! They can't survive in this environment! Windows! Oh. Oh right. Polar bear... Cowboy hat? Orange. Looks familiar...
After the three excruciating seconds were up, Sanji finally concluded that this was not the Sunny.
This isn't.
Thousand Sunny.
It's not.
Where? Where the fuck am I.
Somebody.
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE!?"
The two young males in front of him exhaled in relief, so he didn't know either. This didn't mean he wasn't going to put the blame on them anyway.
"We.. We don't know." Ussop answered, blankly staring at the stained white ceiling.
He got up only to grab his throbbing head which was seething in pain. "What's wrong?"
"Urgh." Fighting it, Ussop stood up anyway and painfully limped to the window, staring out through the dirt encrusted glass. Well, he tried to.
"We woke up here with a hangover from hell."
Sanji turned to face the swordsman to see if he had any useful input to say.
Nope.
Oi! I didn't even get the chance to-
Shut up tennis ball!
Zoro ignored the mental thoughts argument and joined Ussop by standing up and shuffling to the nearest wall to lean on.
"I just know we were with Luffy last night and he's nowhere to be seen. This island... I don't even remember coming here."
Sanji sighed and unconsciously reached for his pocket to pull out a cigarette but his hands seemed to slip right passed his bare chest and land on his wrapped up lap. Hmmm.
"Put some fucking clothes on! Jeez, it's disgusting."
So the swordsman was right. He wasn't imagining it. He was naked. Holding back the urge to scream for his clothes whereabouts he realised it must've been the mistaken pile on the floor.
While the chef geared up, the other two decided to slowly open the shut doors of their brain and tread carefully and ever so gently over their now sensitive membranes, making sure they wouldn't wake up the sleeping migraine.
They both stared at the fourth visitor. It's a shame. It looked like he was only halfway.
Ahaha.
Not funny.
Doesn't even make sense.
"Who's.. That?"
Noticing the two pigeons for crew mates, Sanji looked up at the body.
"Ain't that Luffy?"
"Definitely not."
Sanji examined.
"Pull him out dumbass."
"I ain't touching it! You do it!"
It was too late for Zoro. His battle against his now wide awake migraine had commenced as he sauntered towards the body and pulled it by the drooping legs. It easily popped out with no resistance or stretching. Not rubber. Not Luffy. Stupid cook.
Dropping it to the floor, the three examined it.
Pause.
No.
Anyone but him.
Aokiji.
Ao-fucking-kiji.
The three Strawhats towered over the unconscious Admiral, stunned as if a poacher had shot a tranquilizer up their asses.
Instinctively, Zoro clutched the side of his abdomen, hoping that his three closest friends would be there, waiting to be sheathed but tragically, it seemed they went awol on him this time.
Shit. Where the hell are my swords?
Zoro did a split second glance around the room and to his dismay, found nothing.
He went straight back to staring, exactly what the other two stunned figures were doing.
A good few seconds went by and no movement came from the lifeless body.
"Is.. He dead?"
"Don't be stupid. Ofcourse not."
"Sure looks like it."
Confidently, Sanji tapped the side of the white suede leg and immediately jumped back after doing so.
The other two safely distanced themselves...
They waited...
Closely watching...
To see his reaction...
This was life or death...
"Uhmm... Excuse me?"
All three Strawhats jumped in unison with the main star, Ussop, letting out the chorus of their fright.
The noise came from the corner of the room.
From the huge wildlife that they somehow had forgotten about.
How do you forget about the fucking polar bear? Seriously.
Never mind that, he spoke!
This realisation all swiftly happened within the jump all three men initiated after their scare.
3..
2..
1..
"WHAT THE HECK!"
"YOU GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!"
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!"
"MY HEART!"
"IT SPOKE!"
"OMG MY HEART!"
"NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID ASS HEART!"
"YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE ONE!"
"DON'T CARE, YOU GAY COOK!"
"SAYS THE GUY THAT WANTS TO SCREW PUSSY-EYES MIHAWK!"
Before Zoro could even rip apart at Sanji, the now, yet again, forgotten-about bear had summoned up the courage to speak up and started to apologise profusely.
Without a pause, there was silence apart from the bear who was still proving his innocence.
Realising their outbursts, the three-man crew promptly told the bear to shut the hell up and darted their eyes to the lifeless Admiral. Still lifeless. Relief.
"Oi. Bear."
"Heh?"
"Tell us everything you know. Last night. Now."
The bear was silent for a few moments, building up the tension in the air to the point where you could take Zoro's swords and slice a nice, fat piece of it and spread some butter over the edges before serving it with a nice ass cup of tea.
Shut up.
Why.
Cause you ain't Sanji.
"Oi, bea-"
"All I can remember was that we met you and your Strawhat captain and right after, green hair started going berserk causing swirly to respond and nose followed shortly after. I don't know about your cap'tn'. I woke up here, before you guys."
The three took a while to let it sink in.
"Great. So this is all your fault." Ussop said, directing it to Zoro and Sanji's direction.
The two would've initiated a full-out argument about whose fault it really was but it seemed all the shouting was taking a toll on their heads and without hesitation, Sanji asked, "Where are we?"
"Las Vegapunk."
"The hell?"
"An island made by the genius himself. Vegapunk. It's the worlds biggest gambling and entertainment island. With the newest technology. Any pirates dream destination."
"Shit. I'm guessing we got pretty fucked last night."
"But, I don't remember anchoring here?"
"No one anchors. This island is strictly VIP. Only World Nobles and relevant people may enjoy."
"Then how.."
"Pirates are friends with everyone. You must've gotten a lift with someone."
"A lift?"
"Yeah. The only way to get here are underwater vessels. They're really fast. Can get you here in seconds. The island you were last closest to probably had tunnels nearby."
Wow. This bear was useful.
"And you are?"
"Bepo. First mate of the Heart Pirates!"
The bear..
Bepo.
I mean Bepo, proceeded to stand up and salute his imaginary crew. What honour.
Standing up though, caused three long pieces of metal to crash down on to the floor but with the bears good reflexes, he managed to catch them in mid fall.
"My swords!" Zoro suddenly appeared next to the bears-
Bepo.
-Bepo's side, causing him to have a mini heart attack and drop the swords which Zoro proceeded to catch.
"Gomennasai!"
A sudden grey cloud somehow appeared above Bepo's fluffy head, leaving a gloomy atmosphere in the room. Ofcourse, not being used to it, the three amigos-
What? No. -the three crew mates ignored it.
"We better vacate before he wakes up." Finally Ussop said something that made sense.
"Bear, you're coming with us, you seem useful."
"Its Bepo." Bepo reminded them, he had no choice but to join them in this meaningless adventure, besides, he needed to find his crew too.
All four pirates stared at their surroundings, looking for any evidence that might give them a clue about the night before, nothing but an orange cowboy hat and an unconcious Admiral seemed out-of-place.
Walking towards the hat, Zoro picked it up and turned to the other three. Without even mentioning anything, Sanji commented on it. "Looks familiar doesn't it."
Staring more intently at the hat, it became more and more familiar.
Ussop squinted at it. Where the hell have I seen that before? Images of a shadowed figure crowded his mind. Flames. Cheeky smile. Luffy's laugh? Who in the world.. Come on! Think harder!
Before he knew it, Ussop was now in the foetal position trying to claw out who the hell it was in his exhausted brain. The three others watched, slightly worried about their crew mate.
"Oi-"
REALISATION!
Finally colour flooded his youthful brain and a face quickly filled in the shadowed figure.
"Luffy!"
"Luffy?"
"His cool ass brother!"
"Brother?"
Sanji stroked his hairy chin, deep in thought before his eyes suddenly lit up in discovery. "Ace, wasn't it?!"
"Ace?"
"Don't you remember him, Marimo?"
"..."
Sanji let out an irritated sigh.
"Who cares."
"I wonder why he was with us..."
"Ace?"
The three flinched in shock only to realise it was the silenced bear who spoke up again.
"You couldn't mean... Fire Fist?"
"Does it matter?"
"Well.."
The three stared at him, waiting to hear a good enough answer.
"Not at all."
A wonderfully synchronised sigh followed and Zoro tossed the hat at the bear. Bepo. Yeah, yeah.
"Matches you."
Bepo looked completely dumbfounded until realising he was too, wearing a bright orange jump suit.
"So now we know, Luffy must be with him."
"I wouldn't bet on it." Bepo commented, tightening his clutch on the hat. "A Whitebeard commander in Las Vegapunk could literally spell out disaster. My crew always envied how the Whitebeards let loose. They probably screwed with your cap'tn even more."
Fear flooded into the green-haired first mates eyes.
Haha!
You could've said Zoro!
Ussop professionally rubbed his temples, about to say something but then started to enjoy his mini massage that felt as if his fingers took the form of a greek goddess who carefully drew out the pounding agony in his head.
Sanji furrowed his eyes at his weird crew mate and then reached into his pocket, something had been irritated his thigh for quite a while now. Not expecting anything, his fingers brushed against something unfamiliar.
"Oi! Check your pockets! There might be clues!"
All three started rummaging through their pockets and pulled out what had been lurking in there.
Bepo stated he had nothing at all in his.
Sanji opened his fist first. Lipstick. 3 tubes of lipstick and a note. A note?
'Call me xxx'
Sanji blushed, at least he got some 'ass' last night.
Zoro rolled his eyes and stared at the palm of his hand.
Oh. My.
Sanji opened his already gaping mouth, about to scream with laughter.
Zoro just stood there.
What.
Yeah? How was it?! Guess you'll have to wait and find out what was in Mr. Bushido's haaand...
I hope I don't confuse you guys between the characters real thoughts and those silly little in between moments, I tried to italic the thoughts that are part of the story but it's really hard idk but on another note...
THANKS FOR READING YOU KIND MOTHERFUCKERS
And yes, hangover'd is a real word according to me.
-frenchy