"Somebody help me! Quinny's water just broke!"
"What!"
"Oh my god!"
"Why did Quinn just pee herself?"
"Brittany, now's not the time!"
"We have to get her to the hospital! But someone has to stay here."
"Mr Schue, I will!"
"Thanks, Rachel. Come on guys!"
I was lost in a sea of panic as the realisation of what was about to happen washed over me. I was about to have a baby. An actual baby. A tiny, pink baby was going to come out of me in a matter of hours; no longer the weeks and months I was clinging onto with dear life. As I was bundled into the car, my contractions started and suddenly I was pushed into a world of pain. Why did the creation of life have to suck so much? But then I felt hands slip into mine and grip tightly. I looked down, breathing harder and harder with every ounce of pain, to see Puck and Mercedes' hands in mine. I squeezed back and let a noise escape my lips. A noise of pain, of horror, of fear.
My mom and Mr Schuester were in the front seats, while everyone else followed behind us in other cars. My mom kept calling comforting words and for some reason I was willing to accept everything she said. I had been prepared to hate her, to tell her to leave, but I got... distracted. Now suddenly nothing mattered and her words were making it seem easier somehow.
The next number of hours went slowly but now they're just a distant memory to me. I screamed, I cried and I pushed harder than I'd ever pushed anything in my life, that's for sure, and then she was in my arms. It was eerie how much she looked like me. A little me, with a small nose and soft, velvety skin. She had Puck's eyes, though. It was strange to look at her and see how alike she was to the two of us. She had parts of us, but she would never know us in the way that we knew her. Well, not for a very long time, if ever. Though I couldn't help but smile as she looked at me with Puck's eyes, unknowing and confused at the world. And then she was gone.
The glee club came in to visit me, all still wearing their black and gold costumes, with looks of concern and sympathy for me. I wasn't sad at losing her. In fact, I didn't feel like her mother at all. I didn't feel anything. Just weariness. They all stood around me, smiling small, awkward smiles as they were unsure of what to say. But then Kurt sat beside me on my hospital bed and put his fingers into mine, rubbing small circles into the back of my hand with his thumb and suddenly I couldn't stop the tears. They rolled down my cheeks and my breath caught in my chest harshly. I couldn't stop. But nobody seemed to mind.
"Let it out, sweetie," Kurt whispered, pushing my hair out of my face with his other hand. "It's all over now."
Oh how I wish he could have been right. Sure, the 9 months of intense pregnancy and the actual giving birth part was, but the memories and regrets would never be over. They would always remain, like ghosts following me forever. And maybe that's why it hurt so much to hear Puck tell me that he had loved me, and that he still loved me. He was the ghost I'd never allow myself to get close to. It hurt far too much, because he reminded me of Beth.