WARNING: READ BEFORE CONTINUING

This story was created for entertaining purposes. It won't be responsible of any offensive phrase, or you being a fujoshi who just watches Hetalia because of the yaoi and hates girls because they "interfere". You have been warned.

Hetalia is property of Hidekaz Himaruya

Hey! I'm _, (y/n), (n), or whatever you like to call me, and this time I bring you Gaytalia. I don't have any idea of why it's called like that, I just know it's about Hetalia and Hetalia is about countries. Since I don't have NFI 'bout this, I asked some friends of mine (I think they are called "Hetalian Fujoshis") to make me a guide, and with it I'll see with which one of the boys/countries I'll end up with.

Well, I'm already at the World Meeting, there is a three-boy group, and one of them is a really handsome tall and blond guy… I consult the guide. Germany, huh? Ah…? Next to him there is a note which says "Don't touch it, Italy has already reserved him". Italy…? Oh, that boy next to him. Really…? But there are a lot of pretty boys, they must be straight, right? Oh, well, better not think about it. Huh, I look to another corner and I find a long-haired blond guy, ohmigod HE'S PRETTY. France, the guide says. …? It has another note… "This one is hot for England, although sometimes 'things happen' with Canada… and Seychelles wants to take him away from him". Buff, I better look for another one. Aw, that back-haired shorty boy next to Italy is cute, I think it's Japan. "Keep out, the Greek and the Turkish are fighting for him, and I think the Korean, Canada, China, USA, Italy and the Taiwanese (WE HATE HER BECAUSE SHE INTERFERES IN OUR SACRED SHAOI) also have the hots for him". Wut? Oh my gosh, you can't touch anybody here… A blond blue eyed serious looking guy, with glasses, what could possibly go wrong with him? "It's guaranteed he IS gay and he will do the frick frack with Finland (HIMARUYA-SAMA GIVE US SUFIN)". Oh well, I think I'll be happy with that violet eyed lamppost wearing the scarf and holding a weird cane, Russia, I think. "This one wants to pick up the world (literally), especially China and Lithuania. Warning: he can end up with worse mental problems than the ones he already has". SHIT. Let's see, then if every guy is gay, the girls must be lesbians too! Yuri time~ Let's see, that girl with the bow… "Belarus wants to go out with his brother, Russia, Lithuania wants to go out with Belarus, although gossipers (yuri shippers plz) say she loves Ukraine. Anyways, I don't think you'd like to go out with her. Yuri is bad, BAD". Oh my god, IS THERE ANYONE WHO IS NOT IN LOVE? I know! I'm sure that little boy with big browns and the sailor uniform doesn't even know what a girl is. What if I become a shotacon? Let's see… Sealand. "Shotacons ship him with Latvia. They're soooo kawaii". … ok… ok… Oh! An albino guy. I've always wanted to go out with an albino guy. They look like vampires! As in Twilight! His name is… Prussia. Prussia? Does that country exist? Hm, well, I'll look for it in my map later, now I'll look for him in the guide. "He is hot for his brother Germany, his enemy Austria, sometimes he wants to fuck Italy, and once in a while he likes to do lolicon with Liechtenstein (WE HATE YOU DAMN YAOI ROBBER). On the other hand, some people say she loves Hungary (we forgive her since she is a fujoshi like us). There's a theory where he has threesomes with the Bad Friends Trio". Man, I just want to fu… I mean, have a shoujo-styled relationship with a country, why the fuck can't I?! I don't care who, someone go out with me… (no, I didn't steal that from a Len Kagamine song). Someone…

Someone…

Someone…

*4434324 years later* (read with the French accent of the Spongebob guy)*

_'s skeleton lies in the floor of the World Meeting. Her laments can still be hear (which make Alfred hide under Iggy's eyebrows).

Someone…

And that's how _-chan died alone in Hetalia's world and could never be one with Mother Russia. The end.