Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Da!Da!Da! is property of Mika Kawamura (I wish it were mine!)

I pulled the glass door a bit harder than required. It screamed loud, a few people around threw a disgusted look at me. They must love silence. Well they love silence because they haven't got any chance to live with silence, haha! Well who cares for their gaze? Atleast not from today, not anymore.

Hastily I passed the passage and came out of the building. Have a lot to do in short time, and I don't even have a proper plan. Well, first to call Santa.

-yo! Kanata! Where have you been all the time? It's a week since you left..

- well I was with Yuri.

I tried to keep my voice so normal as am saying about a eat out at kfc.

"Yuri? Who the hell is that? Even the last time you said you are going to meet that person.. Hey Kanata! Have you called Miyu? "

Santa is on a rage. Quite normal. Talking about meeting a woman with your best friend who is not even..ahem!

I answered, "No, why? " in the same tone.

"You are asking 'why'?" Santa must be very angry this time, as can be presumed from his voice. "Kanata, what happened to you? Why are you doing this? "

I cut the call. The news would spread in it's way. I made the start well. Now..

I made an anonymous 'TenMinutesMail' disposable email account, and sent a few attachments to Nozumu's email.

Done enough damage. Switched off the phone. This satisfaction is making me thirsty. How about a bar.. no, no. If I get drunk I wouldn't be able to hold myself, call her and cry it all out.. Stop Kanata. Wait for the time.

I decided to walk out of the town, but it wouldn't be possible. Am not in that condition. So I went for a bus to Northern gate and rest was a walking to my little rented cottage. Birds, blue sky, white clouds, her...

#######################

"I'm home." greeted I. It's like standing a tornado, I am feeling in myself. But I have to do it. It's not worthy to live with a lie.

A few heads came out. Nozumu, Santa, Chris, Nanami, Aya..

"Wow, Hi everyone there! Where's Miyu? " I said in a broken voice, a little drink was necessary for today, I can't stand it in normal state.

Nobody even smiled at me. I looked at those rock steady faces, and teased Santa "Whoa! Has everyone failed some exam? What's it? " I whispered at his ear.

"You are drunk." Santa got the smell.

"Nothing surprising." Aya commented.

"What happened?" I sounded so ignorant. "Why you are so on rage? By the way" I shook my head, "It's good you all are here, I've some important to say.."

"About Yuri?" a new voice came. I know whose it is. I know it in my vains.

I just jumped, "How do YOU know? " and gave a glare at Santa.

"Look at me! " Miyu's voice was never so deep before, hell, God, give me strength..

"Why are you looking at Santa? Answer me, Kanata! AM ASKING YOU!"

she screamed, jumped forward, threw some photos to me and cried : "what is it all? WHAT IS? "

Pictures of me, cuddled with a girl.. intimate..

She held my collar, her face a breath away from me, and tears, " Just tell me, these are fake! Just say it! I want nothing more, just tell me it's a prank, it's all photoshopped, it's all a lie..."

I bit my lips. No, no, don't look at her eyes, don't get the scent of her skin..

Damn I know I can't hold it for long. I just shook her off my body, and screamed, "Yes! Yes! All these are true! I love Yuri! I don't want to waste my life with you, silly girl! Just stop roaming around me shamelessly and go find someone else! Live and let live! "

It seemed like a hurricane went through the room. Everyone was dumbstruck. Miyu's face.. a white paper it is..

As the last nail, I added, with a cruel smile, "Well don't worry, you would get our marriage invitation card pretty soon.."

Quickly I moved back as I saw Miyu falling down. Everybody is running towards her. Sudden shock, poor girl.. No need to stay here anymore.

######################

Today I got a little late. When I woke up it was already past 7. Now in this jam. Ugh. The sun.. the vehicle horns, the sunlight, the breeze.. everything is so sickening. Damn I want to go back to Heiomachi. Control, Kanata, control. You can't leave this place, past is past. You have got your life destined now with your new lover. You can't leave so dearest a lover. She is waiting for your hug. She is coming to embrace you.. to..

"May I come in?" I asked, as wiping the traces of sweat from my forehead.

"Oh, Saionji. sit down.."

She smiled. Does she do that with everyone? How can she? She knows their condition.. perhaps a try to keep up the will of people like me. Just May be.

"Sorry I am late.." I said, looking at her desk.

"Nevermind. Is everything OK?"

That same question. "Do you still think everything to be OK?"

She stopped at doing her work, looked at me with full eyes. I looked at her, too.

"I believe." She sighed, "Why you are all negative always? That adds to your-"

"Yuri" I stopped her, "What my calendar says.."

"What! You are keeping track of my mouth-word? Are you crazy, Saionji?"

I was indifferent, "Take the truth easily. That's my way of seeing life. Anyway, you are a busy person. Take whatever tests you need."

"Saionji" she came forward, "You need to be here."

"And I'm." I shrugged.

"Not like that.."

I took a few seconds, then shook my head up and down. I agreed to get admitted. Am I seeing any hope? I doubt. A human mind is truly unpredictable, even if it's your own. It wants to live, desperately. That's humorous.

###############################

Water. Water. No am not that much thirsty in throat, but I need water. Hell my body is burning. Every inch of my body is burning. Am watching so many spots.. yellow.. red.. blue.. violet.. they are dancing before my eyes. Hell my brain wants to quit. Doctor.. Yuri.. stop this. Decrease the rate. I can't stand this. What happened to my voice? Or my ears has gone deaf?

Poison. Poison is entering into my cells. Am blackening out. So many things coming into mind. Am calling up scenes at home. Santa. Miyu. Miyu where are you? I need you.. so much.. now...

I don't know when I got unconscious. When I woke up, I saw Yuri's face.

"Morning."she greeted, "How are you feeling now?"

"Not bad." Answered I, "Now I know how a boiling egg feels in the pan!"

Yuri could not but laugh at the joke. She looks like a jasmine when she laughs. I kept watching. I have to tell her.. I don't want to leave with any burden on my mind. But not now..

#################################

6 months later.

I was getting ready to go out, just a last check on mail.. Yes I do a job again, but nothing heavy. It's just to keep mind busy. I have enough money to pass the rest days, I think. I don't know why I entered into my old account no longer in use after that day.

A mail from ...? Am I seeing right?

With trembling fingers, I clicked on the thumbnail.

INVITATION CARD

MIZUKI YAMAMURA WEDS MIYU KOZUKI

Even after all these time, it felt like a bomb. It seemed someone with a sharp pencil is pressing deep on my left chest. Hard, harder..

I closed the lid of laptop, and lied down, breathing deep in and out. Cool. Whatever happened, happened for good.

I opened my cap. Good that am not left with any hair anymore; thanks to Chemo. Otherwise I would must have pulled a few.

#################################

23rd. 23rd. 23rd.

It kept ringing in my head, for next two days, no matter whatever I do. But today it got out of all limits.

"Saionji, what's 23rd? Your birthday, huh?" Yuri asked, winking, "And if am not wrong, Miyu is the special girl.."

Ashamed, I understood I was chanting that word in half conscious during yesterday's Chemo.

Fine. I can tell her now.

"I want to tell you something." I said seriously, "Can you give me twenty minutes?"

##################################

I started the car, feeling much relieved.

I told her everything. Every bit of the story. The day I knew I had cancer in pretty bad stage. The day they reconfirmed it. Then I consulted her, and the hospital; when the plan grew in my mind. How I couldn't leave Miyu a doomed life with a doomed me.. how I planned to get rid of her.. To make her hate me.. to make her stop every slightest feeling for me..

"I used your name, as it only came that time in my mind.."

"You used my name?! My photos ?" she asked, in a rage, though she had tears in her eyes.

"No, no.. just the name. Like A,B,C or anything... those photos were from some adult sites.."

"This is the cutest..saddest.. and yes, STUPIDEST story I've ever heard!" She could maintain to say. "You don't have a heart, because.. because.. you have a damn heart!"

Now sitting on gear, I smiled reminding her last words. She wanted to call everyone to tell the what happened actually. I stopped her somehow and made her promise she won't tell anyone.

Why am I not driving home?

Where are you going, damn heart?

My car entered Heiomachi.

No! No! I am not going!

The car stopped near the church.

I can't go in. Noway. Everybody knows me.. No.. if I get in the last row..

When I entered, the ceremony was already started, I saw my old friends.. Santa, Nozumu, Aya, Nanami.. there's Mikan.. Miss Mizuno..

And that white gown? Miyu?

I stood among the persons, who are almost like me- 'happened-to-visit' or not invited, few are church employees, I think? Even if someone sees, it's not too easy to recognize: A handsome Kanata is all changed into a distressed old bald man, lol.

The main event started. The priest started, "Dear children of God, you have come today to pledge your love before God.."

God! Why am I here? I have broken all the chains on my own hand, and am back, on the very day, just for what? To see her? And increase the pain?

No. Am here to experience the inevitable. This's going to make me even more tolerant..

"Will you love and honour each other in marriage all the days of your life?"

..more stronger..

"...Are you willing to accept with love the children God may send you, and bring them up in accordance with the law of Christ and his Church?"

DO WATCH, KANTATA. I whispered to myself. This is the end of the story you made. Congrats.

"May the Lord bless this ring, which will be the sign of your love and fidelity.." Priest's words.. I bet I heard them..

"Now you can kiss.."

People around me are giving a suspicious look. Am not crying, but are my facial expressions being too bad?

I didn't watch the kissing, when everyone stood up, clapped, said Amen, I just came out. So many memories.. in the Cinderella story, the wedding.. kiss.. and then, when Mikan brought us two here and made us wear wedding dresses..

I dreamt a dream which I was not worthy of. Everyone has a fairy tale, but everyone is not a prince.

Love it? Hate it? Either way, please leave a review! They help a lot the writer!