Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, but I would've be a writing prodigy if I did

Bear with me if there are any spelling or grammar errors, you don't need to review about the way I said the instead of their, but I would like reviews on how amazing or crappy this story is so far. And next chapt is EPOV, yay eddie! Haha enjoy ;)

BPOV

There's a possibility that it was all a nightmare. That if I were to mention it to my mother she would tell me people aren't like that. That my heart was never broken like that. But every time I'm able to get that falsely through my head, real memories start to flood in and hit me again. Trying to forget about reality is equally as hard as trying to forget my name is Bella Swan.

After a year I realized that getting those feelings to calm down wouldn't happen by inhabiting the everyday places that weaved themselves through that boy's life and mine. Arizona, constant heat, the high school, and even my mother will have to be left behind to make it possible for my mind to function again. Unfortunately though, the only other place left for me to stay was with Charlie, my dad. I tried to argue about it, reminding them that I'm going to college in less that a year and I don't need to move to that underwater city Forks, however no one seemed to care. Their minds were made up that I would go to college in Washington so I could live in a new climate also near a parent. I overheard that apparently my sanity shouldn't be trusted to make decisions concerning MY life. I hate psychologists.

Sitting in the bed of my old Chevy pickup truck getting soaked through to the bone but being too numb to care was how I spent my first welcome home day with Charlie. Staring at the stupid green crap surrounding me. It wasn't his fault; he was out fishing and would be worried if he knew what I was doing out here, but he didn't need to know.

Everyone on earth who I have talked to thinks that I'm being overwhelming and dragging out the drama just to get more attention, but none of them understand. I am completely over the boy who 'broke' my heart while also breaking several others simultaneously; he wasn't that great of a catch I realized. But it's the fact that he broke several peoples hearts WHILE they were all breaking someone else's, and that every person out of the whole fiasco…. Wasn't surprised. It really made you realize that no one can be fully trusted. The real depression started to kick in when I grasped the fatal fact that no one out there will ever love me enough to stay with me. It would either be because I have no interesting qualities whatsoever, or that they're too much of a scumbag to stick to one girl. I learned my lesson and now know how to pick out the scumbags, but you can't find Mr. fantasy in a crowd of 'everyone out there', when he doesn't exist. Other marriages that last always have a spark because each spouse has something to offer; being funny, good looks, overly compassionate, or some other talent. I have nothing unique or special to offer therefore I will become a lonesome cat lady who lives on her own.

See, it's hard to put a smile on your face and a jump to your step when you already have your life planned out like that.

Once I thought over the reason I couldn't function anymore, it made me blatantly realize that moving to Forks wouldn't help in a million years. Well too late to turn this plan around though. I start school in a few days. Why do I need to go to college anyways? I asked myself rhetorically. What are they going to teach me that's so important for a future cat lady to know?

I smirked at myself silently at my little joke, well if you could call it one of those…

As I was being all pitiful as usual, some kid came jogging down the street on the edge of the thick forest perimeter. The only reason he caught my eye was because he was running in this cold weather through the rain, and that just because it was partially dark outside didn't mean I missed his magnificent body structure showing through his soaked t-shirt (so maybe he wasn't just a 'kid') or the distinctive color of his dripping wet bronze hair. Even though I know there's not a soul out there for me doesn't mean I can't take in little details of beauty and glue them together to make some imaginative figure that belongs to me. Whimsy fantasies like that are what help keep me moving.

After a few hours passed and I realized Charlie was coming home soon I ran inside to get dinner and myself ready. Depressed teenager or not, I was still the only one in this house who knew how to cook.

After everything was prepared the front door around the corner from the kitchen loudly opened with Charlie clomping through "Uh, hey, Bells… I'm glad you're uh, cooking dinner….." I'm no mind reader but to me that sounded like code for "hey suicidal teenager of mine, I'm glad you didn't spend the day sitting in the rain wanting to be taken for dead! Oh and you made my favorite meal, bonus!"

"Yeah hey, Dad. How was fishing?"

"Well you know… it was fishing... And is that lasagna?"

"That's great. Yeah it's lasagna." I said all of this in a monotone voice, which probably was one of the things that made him uncomfortable to talk.

Our whole awkward you-were-forced-to-move-here-it's-the-first-time-I've-seen-you-in-years-since-then-you've-turned-to-a-teenage-zombie-leading-back-to-the-reason-you-were-sent-here tension during dinner only seemed to last about 57 thousand times longer than what the actual time was.

After doing dishes I snuck upstairs (which was easy since Charlie loved the television) and grabbed pajamas and toiletries from my only suitcase. I was supposed to have unpacked and settled into my room while Charlie was gone, but I didn't feel like it and I don't think I ever will. I would just have to pack it all up again in a few days to leave for University of Washington. I'm still shocked I even got in since I sent my application in so late.

Snuggling into the small bed at the corner of the room I waited for sleep to overcome. Normally I would've cried or sulked in some other way however I've already done that so much in the past year it made me realize that doing so pointless now.

A few days later I was jumping clumsily out of my rusted truck onto the slippery ground, which was the worst idea possible for me. In front of all the 'cool' college kids who I would be with for a few years, my feet slid out in front of me with my butt smacking the concrete, leading to the back of my head smacking the truck. Ow! While I rubbed my head sitting on the ground with my bag half emptied of its contents I looked around to notice that everyone was glancing at me from their peripheral vision, trying to pretend they didn't see me fall because none of them wanted to help me. How considerate of them.

Dragging my one measly bag up to my room I started to get butterflies. Instead of spending some time to try and find a person to room with that I wouldn't hate, I decided to just take whatever I got. At the moment though I'm starting to wonder if that was such a good idea or not.

My hand was reaching out for the doorknob of my assigned room when suddenly it swung open almost giving me a heart attack. In front of me was standing an itty-bitty girl with jet-black hair in a disarray of pointy spikes.

"Um, hey. Do you know where," I looked down at the slip of paper I had gotten earlier, seeing the name, "Alice Cullen is?"

"That's my name don't wear it out!" she chirped with a bright smile. "So you must be Bella Swan? What a pleasure to meet you!" without letting me reply she jumped up and wrapped her little arms around me giving me a tight hug.

I hope she won't be too disappointed in her lethargic roommate.

"Come on lets get you settled in! Where are your parents?" she questioned.

"My mom couldn't fly out here from Phoenix and my dad had work today at the police station. What about your parents?" I retorted.

"Oh that's too bad! My parents were here earlier but they had to go see how my brothers were doing. Then they have to drive back home because my dad has a lot of work, he's a doctor."

By now we were walking in the small room with my suitcase. I looked around and saw that Alice had already decorated with lots and LOTS of colors.

"Okay, where do you guys live?" right now I was just trying to make small talk, which I suck at.

"Oh you've probably never heard of Forks, it's kind of an unpopular town"

"No I've heard of it, actually my dad is the police chief of Forks and for the past few days I've been staying with him there." Small world I guess.

"Oh my God! YOU'RE chief swan's daughter?!"

Crap. "Yeah, uh how much have you heard about me?" news travels really fast in such a small town, and everyone knows everything so that probably means that they've heard about the so called "depressed" state I'm in.

"Well I'm not going to lie. People said that you came to Washington because you were going into teen depression or whatever. That Isabella Swan was just another big city drama queen, however I have my doubts about what's been said. Once I get to know you I am sure that the rumors will be put down," All of this was stated with such confidence it blew me away. How could someone who's just now meeting me already come to those conclusions?

"Well…. Thanks, I guess, for giving me a second chance," it sounded more like a question rather than gratitude.

For a few hours we chatted about each other and got settled in and organized. Alice was such an enthusiastic person she even made me crack a smile once because her exuberant attitude was so contagious. Although it didn't last long since every time she talked about her perfect boyfriend it reminded me how I could never be her. The loving tone in her voice and extra spark in her eyes made it obvious at how much she was in love, making me even more envious even though I knew it was probably the iffy young age relationship. After a while she asked me if I wanted to come with her to see how her brothers were doing, and not wanting to decline the offer for some reason, I decided to come along. We walked across the campus to find where Emmett, the oldest sibling, was.

Alice knocked on his door while whispering to me not to be intimidated by him and just ignore the size. At first I was puzzled, but then it became clear when a massive guy looking more like a bodybuilder rather than a college student opened the door. It was hard not to be intimidated when he scooped up the tiny Alice crushing her to death, to the point where I was moving my hand to my cell to call the police, but then he put her down and she was laughing.

"Hey Alice, good to see you! Long time no see, kiddo!" he bellowed.

"Nice one, Em. It's been, what, 4 hours? What are you trying to bribe me for?" than she forgot about the joking and remembered something and she turned to me and said, "Oh yeah! Emmett this is my roommate! Bella Swan! Bella, this is my brother Emmett! He's actually a great guy but it takes years of practice to not be crushed so, Emmett, shake her hand and no hugs."

"Hello miss Bella Swan, how are you this fine evening?" he reached out his hand to me and while I shook it he smirked at his sister. "Is that civilized enough, Alice? And does it always mean that I want something from you when I say I'm glad to see you?"

"For Edward I wouldn't be suspicious but that was almost the same exact thing you told me when you wanted me to introduce you to Rose, do your round of dishes, not telling mom about why that speeding ticket happened, and not sending that picture of you dressed as a very feminine female to the year book in senior year." She had a wicked grin on her face making me wonder if she sent that picture in or not.

He had a defeated expression, "okay we'll talk about this later. Do you guys want to go crash Eddie's place? Aggravating Edward brings me some of the most joyful moments in my life." Emmett was jumping up and down like a massive two year old about to bring down the building.

Suddenly Alice started to join in on the bouncing, making them both look like kids in a candy shop. "YES! Come on, Bella, lets go! This is going to be sooo much fun! Bothering Edward has become a tradition between Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and I. His reactions are so funny!" she started to giggle as she pulled me and we followed Emmett.

Turns out going to Edward's takes longer than going to Emmett's, so by the time we got there I was out of breath and dirty from falling on the ground multiple times. If I weren't that clumsy than I would've blamed Alice for pulling me along so quickly.

My face felt empty of any expression as usual, until after Emmett yanking the door open and I was pulled in to see the bronze haired boy who was running in the rain from a few days ago. I was aware of the astounded look on my face now but I couldn't quite focus on bringing myself to look empty again. The striking man sitting on the bed only an arm's length away was none other than the Mr. fantasy that's been starring in my fantasized lives for the past few days. What made this feel even more unreal was that the man on the bed had the same insignificant features as my pretend man that I hadn't even noticed on the jogger. Such as the eyes, they were bottle green full of life and sparks! The man in my imaginings had those eyes because I was sick of blue, brown, and hazel eyes. Those colors all reminded me of saddening reminders. So my only getaway color was that distinctive green. Not only that but-

"Bella!! Hey, yeah, I'm talking to you! Edward? Okay am I missing something here? Em, why are they all in there own little dream world suddenly?" Alice's frustration broke into my thoughts and I forced my appearance back into my trademark vacant one.

"Oh sorry, Alice. I thought I had to sneeze…" I thought of that excuse a long time ago for whenever people thought I acted a little strange, and even though it is random it's never let me down.

"Ah. I see…" until now apparently. She was giving me a look that read like a giant billboard saying "we are going to discuss that reaction of yours later. Don't think I'm going to forget!" it was just a guess though.

"Yo, Eddie you goin' all goo-goo eyes on Bella here?" Emmett blatantly asked, making me go from pale to cherry red.

"Uh, oh no, man. I'm fine. I was just, err, wondering where my roommate went so I could introduce you guys, I guess." His excuse didn't seem as well planned out as mine.

"Sure whatever Eddie." Emmett simply brushed it off.

"What did I say about calling me that?! Edward is my name and I don't go by any nickname! Especially 'Eddie'! That's one of the worst ones, yet no matter how many times I tell you or everyone else, each one of you call me that! Why on earth do you immature buffoons get so much pleasure from that?" Edward seemed to finish his little rampage and I saw why they had so much fun bugging him.

"Edward we get on your nerves because you act like that every time we do something so small," Alice giggled trying to sympathize for him but couldn't help herself I guess, "and besides, Eddie, your buffoon of a sister has to keep you humble."

A seemingly defeated look came to him and he smile to her and Emmett, "I guess I should thank you guys than. So other than to drive me mad, why did you guys come here?"

"To help you settle in some more and introduce you to Bella, my roommate! Edward, Bella," she turned to me, "and, Bella, Edward!"

"Hello nice to meet you, I am very sorry about whom you were put with to share a room with for a whole entire year. I wish you the best of luck to surviving," he smiled a genuine smile to me as he got up and shook my hand. It was the least I could do to close my mouth.

"Um thank you," I mumbled.

"Well you guys have nothing exciting to offer, you dull people, so I'm going to Rose's place," Emmett announced.

"You know what, you're right. I'm going too see Jasper. Bella, you want to come?"

I didn't want to go see the love struck couple at the moment so I replied with, "No thanks, I think I might just go back to our room, go to bed or something." It was clearly a lame excuse but she didn't say anything about it.

I walked back to the dorm and as soon as I stepped in my body fell onto the bed and took a deep, deep breath.

What's going to happen? That was the body of the man I pretended to fall in love with, if that even made sense. What if he really is the real thing? "No. He's not. What am I even thinking?" no one can ever be the one because no matter what they look like or seem to be, no one is ever going to stay. Ever.

Even though I knew crying never helps, tears started to slip down my cheeks and wet my face. Rolling over and digging my face into my pillow didn't help. They came even harder then, knowing I would never find anyone out there for just me. Not even Mr. fantasy.

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