"Blair."
Chuck's voice echoed through the church. Though soft spoken, the word carried enough emotion to render those assembled into silence.
Blair's eyes jerked away from Louis' at her name; only one person would interrupt this day. Her eyes swept over the pews, past Nate, Dorota, her mother; over Lily and Rufus and Harold and Cyrus. Her eyes sought Chuck, and finally she found him, standing just near the wide church doors. He was dressed head to toe in black, as though it were a funeral he had just crashed instead of her day.
All the faces that filled the distance between her and Chuck faded away as their eyes locked. She could detect the anguish in his eyes, the pleading in the curve of his lips, the grief in the crease of his forehead. Tears misted over her vision; she alone knew what every slight tic in his expression meant. Their connection brought with it the twisted joyous heartache she had grown accustomed to and yet was still unfamiliar with. It cut deeper this time; this ceremony signalled the end.
Vaguely, she heard Father Smythe clear his throat; felt Louis squeeze her hand. Behind her, Serena's whispered, "B?" went unrecognised as Blair and Chuck continued their silent, impassioned stare.
Her mouth was dry, and already she struggled to swallow around the sticky lump in her throat. She watched him slowly move down the aisle towards her, past the bouquets of peonies that adorned each pew. Her skin grew warm; it was suddenly very stuffy inside the church. Her dress felt tight and heavy, and her hands grew uncomfortable in Louis' grasp.
"Don't go through with this, Blair." Chuck's voice was insistent, steady, and betrayed his despair. "You don't belong with him. You belong with me."
Blair had heard those words a thousand times, in hundreds of situations. Their love was epic, but it was a Shakespearian tragedy. No matter how they might feel, they could never make their lives come together the way they wanted. There was too much history, too many complications, and too much hurt on both sides.
Blair dragged her eyes away from Chuck, breaking their connection. Her gaze dropped to her hands, where they linked with Louis'. Her throat constricted with guilt over both the men she loved. She wondered how Louis felt, watching his bride to be and her soul mate sharing this intense connection in front of him. She didn't want to hurt him. She wanted to make him happy in the way he made her, the way in which Chuck, try as he might, never could. Her confliction and guilt turned her stomach, bile rushing up her throat. Her insides seized with a desire to rush off and purge her body of this awful feeling in a way she hadn't needed in so long. It was a comforting impulse, repulsively familiar. She struggled to swallow, to regain some control. She had fought so hard to make this day perfect, and here after only a few words from Chuck she was rethinking everything. She needed him to leave. Lifting her gaze, her eyes locked on the person just over Louis' shoulder and beseeched him to intervene.
Dan met her gaze unfalteringly, reading her expression. She wondered at the kind of sadness that lined his face, but he gave her no time to ponder it as he left his post. Her eyes followed his movement, her stomach unclenching and the bile retreating. He moved between her and Chuck, blocking her view of her troubled love.
"Let it go, Chuck," Dan said, his voice strong.
"Get out of my way, Humphrey," Chuck commanded.
Blair watched as Chuck made to move around the best man, but Dan placed a firm hand on his arm. "No. Don't make this day any harder."
She couldn't see Dan's face, but as she watched Chuck face Dan and slowly nod with acceptance, she wished she could. There was a kind of resilience in his tone that intrigued her. She had never heard Dan sound so strong before.
Without another word or even a glance, the two almost friends moved down the aisle and out the church doors. As they swung to a heavy close, Blair allowed herself a deep, calming breath and returned her gaze to Louis. His eyes were full of concern and devotion as he released her hand and reached out to gently cup her face.
"Are you all right?" he asked gently with his lilting accented voice. His question was barely more than a whisper; it was for only her to hear.
Blair hesitated, her eyes darting towards the door that Chuck and Dan had just exited through. It felt strange for the ceremony to continue with neither one of them present. Both men carried significance in her life. Casting her eyes back to Louis, she gave an almost imperceptible nod, the corner of her lip curved upwards in a small smile.
Accepting her assurance, Louis reclasped his hands around hers. He turned to Father Smythe and nodded, his face alight with joy.
Father Smythe cleared his throat loudly. "If the theatrics are at an end," he said lightly, gaining a few snickers from the crowd, "I'd like the groom to proceed with his vows."
Louis traced his thumb reassuringly across the back of her hand. Whether he was trying to reassure her or himself, Blair was unsure. He drew in a deep breath and fixed a serious look at her. Something similar to butterflies kicked up in her stomach; although she had read the vows already, it was entirely different to be hearing them. She drew support from knowing Serena was right behind her, but as her eyes drifted to the spot over Louis' shoulder, she wished Dan had returned.
"In the film Sabrina, Audrey Hepburn said 'I have learnt how to live, how to be in the world and of the world, and not just to stand aside and watch and I will never, never again run away from life or from love, either.'"
Blair had watched Sabrina many a time, and whispered the quote along with Louis as he spoke. It was amazing how it struck a peace within her to have the words of Audrey, who so inspired her, in her wedding vows. It showed just how well Louis knew and understood her, even if he may not know the extent of her fascination with the famed actress. She smiled brightly at the Prince, who beamed back at her, his eyes brimming with love.
"While it may sound a bit strange, I feel the same way as Sabrina. And it's because of you, Blair Waldorf. You have taught me how to live, how to enjoy everything the world has to offer. You have brought out this side of me I never thought existed. Before you, I did not truly know how to live. I was expected to be a certain kind of person. But the truth is, that person was someone I didn't actually like that much."
Blair's vision clouded with happy tears at his words. She heard a sniff behind her; she could count on Serena to be in tune with her feelings. She was so glad to have her oldest and dearest friend present to hear these beautiful words with her.
Louis gazed at her lovingly. "In return I offer you my deepest gratitude, and a promise to always love you. In sickness and health, and every other traditional vow, but mostly I promise that even if you lose everything else, you'll still have me."
'You'll still have me.' Those last four words reverberated through Blair's mind. Her lips pulled down in a thoughtful frown, her eyes once again drifting over Louis' shoulder.
'And what if I lose everything?' Blair remembered herself asking, many months ago, in a place that felt more like home than her own penthouse.
'You'll still have me,' Dan had promised, taking her into his arms. She remembered the gentle kiss he had placed upon her hair, so light she had barely felt it. She had felt so safe curled against him like that, with his arm around her and a mug of her favourite tea in her hands. They had stayed locked in their embrace for an insurmountable amount of time, until she had regained her composure and excused herself to the bathroom. When she returned, Dan was still sitting on the couch. He had smiled at her and suggested they watch a movie.
'How about Sabrina?' He had asked.
She had smiled and nodded, settling back onto the couch beside him. She sipped her tea as he pressed play on the laptop; he had put it in before he had even asked.
'So you finally admit to liking it then, Humphrey?'
Dan had given her an unreadable expression, his eyes filled with some unnamed emotion. 'I've come to understand how she sees things.'
Blair's lips parted in surprise at the memory. Surely Dan couldn't have written her vows? He was a good writer, that was undeniable, but why would he have penned them for Louis? She scanned her memory, mentally sifting through every Humphrey related encounter before this day. She reanalysed every situation, every word from a new angle, every expression with new eyes.
'You don't think it would matter that my baby is another man's child?'
'It wouldn't to me.'
"Blair?" she distantly heard Louis ask in a concerned voice.
'You look perfect."
"Miss Waldorf?" Father Smythe inquired. "It's your turn to say your vows."
"You're the star of Dan's book,' Serena told her in her mind.
"B?" Serena asked, now standing before her and gazing worriedly into her vacant eyes. "Are you okay?"
Blair withdrew from her memories, her eyes wide. She took in her best friend's words, but couldn't form a response to her question. She wasn't sure of the answer. She drew her surprised gaze back to Louis, who at least had the decency to look ashamed. "You didn't write them," she stated. It was intended as a question, but she couldn't form the correct inflection. She already knew.
Louis gave no answer, no denial or admission, but his eyes filled with the apologies she knew he would make if given the chance. She didn't want to give him that chance.
Without a word, she stepped away from the man she was supposed to marry.
"Blair, where are you going?" Serena called after her, but Blair couldn't answer. She swept down the aisle, past her parents and friends, leaving a buzz of chatter in her wake.
By the time she hit the stairs she was running, her beautiful Vera Wang gown clenched in her fists so she wouldn't trip. Glancing up and down the street she saw no cabs. Desperation seized her; she needed to get away before anyone followed her. Immediately she spotted the awaiting 'just married' car and on impulse she ran for it. It wouldn't be needed now anyway. She fired an address at the surprised driver, who accepted it without a word. She breathed a sigh of relief at the silence of the drive. It would give her the time to figure out what she was doing. However, she still didn't know by the time they arrived. Picking up her skirts again, she ran inside. There she found a note taped to the door, which sent her running back to the car and on another journey that thankfully extended her thinking time. Everything had happened so quickly, it was only just catching up to her. It overwhelmed her, and she began freaking out about what she had just walked away from. What she may be walking, or rather running, towards. Had she really not known, or had she simply been in severe denial? Blair couldn't be sure of her answer. She just had to see him.
Arriving at the airport, Blair leapt out of the cab without a word to the bewildered driver. She ran through the terminals, her peep toed heels killing her feet with all this activity. She ignored the people staring and pointing, her breath coming in heavy gasps. Arriving at his gate, she heard the overhead announcement declare his flight boarding and it was then she saw him.
She froze, her dress still clenched tightly in each hand. The note was crushed between her sweaty palm and the soft lace. She watched as he stood, sliding a book into his bag. The Stranger she noted. He slung the bag over his shoulder, looked up, and finally saw her.
They stood in silence. She could see him taking in her dishevelled appearance, from her wild, tangled hair to her wrinkled wedding gown. She saw his surprise turn into a slightly apprehensive understanding.
"I couldn't say no when he asked," Dan explained with prompting. "I just wanted to do whatever I could to make you happy."
A flutter stirred in her stomach; she was nervous. He took a few tentative steps towards her, sending her just calming heart racing again.
"Why did you try to leave without saying goodbye?" She evaded the previous issue, but with this question brought a new reaction. A tiny tremor of sadness underscored her words. It startled her. She hadn't been aware his leaving would bother her. Without even fully being conscious of what she was doing, she took a step forward. Closer to him.
Dan hesitated, running his hand through his tousled curls. He made them even more of a mess than they had been previously, and it sparked a desire in her to smooth them back into place. She squelched that desire down.
"Honestly? I couldn't watch you get married." He took another few steps towards her.
Blair's breath hitched at the implication; she took another step forward. "I didn't."
A flash of relief passed over his face. It was only there for a second, but she was sure she saw it. He made no response to her statement, only stepped forward again with a slight upward turn on his lips and a tiny flicker of hope in his eyes.
She knew what that hope meant, and it sent her heart racing even faster, and her stomach churning with a nervous longing. Taking another step forward, she realised they were within an arm's reach of one another. Close enough to reach out and touch him if she wanted.
A wave of shyness welled up inside her as she met his intense stare and asked the question that was burning on her tongue.
"Did you mean what you wrote?"
The sheer apprehension on his face was obvious, but she ignored it. She returned his gaze with her own intensity. She needed to know his answer, even though her hope of what his answer would be scared her.
"Yes," he finally admitted, his eyes not wavering from hers. "I meant it."
An immense lightness filled her at his admission. Just as she felt when she was reading his vows, she felt as though he were peering into her soul. It was frightening, this quiet, connected intensity, so different to how she felt towards both Chuck and Louis. This felt more grounded, more real. It instilled in her a calm, a safety. In the depths of his eyes, she realised how strong his feelings for her were. She also realised how deeply she cared for him, why it was he was always the one she turned to.
She offered him a whisper of a smile; it was too soon for anything more just yet. "Okay," she said simply, trusting him to understand.
The final boarding call sounded over the intercom system, and brought sadness to his expression.
Blair understood. She was reluctant for him to leave too.
'Here," he said, reaching into his pocket. He pressed something cold into her hand. "In case you need to escape."
Blair closed her hand around the key, and stepped forward as his arms opened to her. As she settled into his embrace, she realised how right it felt. It was natural. She sighed in contentment as he pressed a kiss on her hair. She had made the right choice.