Disclaimer: CATS The Musical isn't mine. All poems and lyrics copyrighted to T. S Eliot.
Author's Note: I sent this in for a contest entry, but there was no update. So I decided to upload this anyway. Some of you might recognize this as my first CATS fic.
Another of my fics, 'Insomnia', is part of this arc.
Enjoy...
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Every day, I watch you. You haven't been the same since Jennyanydots went up to the Heaviside Layer; your glass-green eyes have dulled and lost that sparkle she loved so much, and I haven't seen you looking happy in ages, or even you smiling. It worries me, Skimbleshanks. You used to be so jovial, so cheerful. The kittens all knew you as a friendly uncle to them. But now they're often depressed, too, because you are.
Everyone thought you were happy for Jenny when she went up to Heaviside last year. It is an honour, after all, and it's filled with wonders. But I know otherwise. You were devastated. I heard you sobbing that night, when the Ball was over. I know that you loved her ever since the four of us - Asparagus, me, you, and Jenny - were just kittens. She loved you too, Skimble. She loved you more than any words can say. You two were the perfect couple.
Me and Asparagus were happy too, for a while. But then he was wounded fatally during a battle with a Pollicle. Munkustrap and Alonzo brought him over, and I remember that you and Jenny looked after him. But no one could bring him back. Asparagus was torn away from me just like that. I felt the same way you feel right now when that happened. I thought I would go crazy. He had been my mate, we were connected with a bond, and that bond had been severed so quickly and unexpectedly. It hurt, Skimble. It hurt to move, to breathe, to live.
That was such a long time ago, and I've accepted his death. But I haven't taken a mate since.
We were young at the time. Given time, hearts will heal, but there would be always a scar left. I still feel a pang in my heart when I think about Asparagus, and it's not uncommon for anyone to find me weeping in my bed, remembering him.
You... however... you cannot be like that. I know it, and you do as well. You don't have much time left, Skimble; Jenny went last year, and it'll only be a year or two before you leave the tribe. There isn't much time left.
No time for you to heal.
I can see that you are already dying inside. For the first time in your life, you look every year of your age. You need Jenny with you, I know that her absence in your life is slowly destroying your heart. You, too, had to watch your mate leave this world. Same as me.
I walk outside my hut, sit on the ground and curl up, watching you. The stars are bright above me, and everyone's out here enjoying the sight. Except you. I guess that stars no longer look bright to you, not with Jenny gone.
I believe that when you are born into this world, there is only one person destined to be with you. Your true mate, your 'first'. I can see now that Jenny was your true mate, and Asparagus was mine. But our 'true mates' are not invincible as we so often believe. They are only mortals. They can die as easily as we can, and we have to accept that.
Some cats do take more than one mate, that's a fact. The mate after your true mate will be a 'second'. They'll never be like your true mate. Never. But they can be close enough.
Oh, dear Bastet... How can I ever explain what I feel towards you, Skimble? Recently my feelings of sympathy and understanding towards you have turned into something else more deeper. I think I know what it is...
...but I'm too afraid to say it.
I'm afraid that I will ruin your love for Jenny. I'm afraid that by saying what I feel, I will defile my memories of Asparagus. There's so much I want to say, and so many reasons why I cannot do so.
I know that I will never be anything more than a mere friend to you, Skimble. I know that you'll only be happy once more when you are reunited with Jenny. She was your one and only and always will be.
But Skimble... one day, you have to let go.
I've been hurt before, and as a result have a scarred mind. You are hurt now. Together, I believe that we can heal each other, if only slightly. Looking at you, my heart urges me to tell you my feelings quickly before it is too late.
But my lack of confidence and my own fear always stops me.
Oh, why is it that something so easy as saying a simple 'I love you'...
... so difficult? Why?
The cats are all going back into their huts now. I should, too, but I'm going to stay out here, watching you in your hut. I long to warm your heart, to wrap you in an embrace. I want to see you smile again. I want to watch the stars with you. I'll never be another Jenny, but nevertheless, I can't help looking up to the stars and wishing.
I wish you'd let me be your second.
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I'll try to update 'Of Mice and Cats' as soon as possible. Hope you all had a lovely Christmas!