The Long And Short Of it
Shepard stood, on top of a worktop in the kitchen of the Normandy. Gardner had hidden the sweet treats that she oh so loved in a high up cupboard, which annoyed her immensely. Being short had been hell for her, all throughout her career.
She was teased, and not in the fun, intriguing way. In the nasty, insulting, patronizing way. As if she hadn't looked into a full length mirror and saw how small she was, or been measured with some measuring tape.
Still...for Gardner to hide the treats simply because the moment he had to leave the kitchen, the cupboard was ransacked, was still a bitter blow for her. She hated space food, and would give anything for Earth food. Joker, with his damn ginger nut fetish, Thane, with his love of squirty cream, although he'd never admit it, Miranda and her crackers, about as bland and tasteless as the woman herself. That thought made Shepard laugh, and she almost fell off the worktop. She steadied herself and grabbed her chocolate and caramel covered, biscuit bar, closed the cupboard door...and then nearly fell off when she heard a husky laugh. She frowned and glared at the still chuckling man.
"Trying to kill me? Death by falling off of something. Yeah, that will go down well at the Council, wouldn't it?"
Zaeed kept on laughing, until Shepard's glare turned fierce.
"You're going to fall off".
She equaled his dry sense of humor.
"I will do if you keep on talking to me. Right, woah!"
She almost fell...but the merc just stood there. She huffed.
"Oh come on. I know you can be a cold-hearted bastard sometimes, but were you really going to let me hit my head on the floor?"
Zaeed walked closer.
"Nah, couldn't have the great Commander Shepard dying like that, could we? I'd have caught you".
He walked closer and stared up at this now squinting woman.
"My eyes are up here. That is my arse you are staring at and I do not appreciate that".
Zaeed smirked.
"Well I appreciate it, just saying".
Shepard spun around and sat down. When her feet touched the ground, she stood and walked around him.
"Got any booze?"
He turned and his smirk was still there.
"You don't mess around, do you?"
Shepard looked glum, and the merc knew he shouldn't have said that.
"Listen, Shepard, I shouldn't have...".
She cut him off.
"It's okay. Besides, there isn't any time to mess around".
He agreed, and walked off to his cargo room.
Zaeed returned a few minutes later to see Shepard, sat down and smoking. He didn't bother with trying to hide his shocked noise.
"There is no way in hell that you smoke, no way".
She smiled and took another drag.
"Of course not, I am far too good for that. I am trying my best not to cough, and let that fact slip". She sighed. "I always have, I just don't need to all the time. This is the first cig I have had in, what, two years, and we know why that is. Sorry. See? I really do need a drink, I'm getting sad".
Zaeed sat next to her and gave her the bottle of whiskey he had brought. She found two plastic cups and let him fill them with the amber poison.
Shepard looked at him and waved her hand.
"Just keep on pouring until you think it will make me happier. I don't care if I end up paralytic, the mood I am in right about now".
The merc frowned, and it puckered his scarred cheek.
"I do".
Now she frowned.
"You do? What the fuck does that mean?"
His frown vanished and he laughed.
"It's MY whiskey, you daft bitch, and no one wants to see you paralytic. Don't do that to yourself.".
"It's Kaitlin. Call me that. Bit sick of 'Commander' this, and 'Commander' that. As if anyone gives a fuck about what I do, half the time".
Zaeed's frown was back.
"You are starting to sound like me, hell, act like me. You're worrying me, and I know it won't be just me that is worried. The turian will be too".
"You are the only one who knows that I have another side, other than, the Commander. I am not allowed to show that to anyone, the human, feeling side. The council made that pretty clear. It's just that, er, this is going to be long winded. You sure you are up for listening?"
The merc nodded, although, when he acquired the want to actually acknowledge anyone else's feelings was a mystery to him.
"Okay then. Here goes".
"I, and you guys work our arses off to save people, take down bad people, and, well, things, and yet people expect me to be everywhere at once. When I don't save someone, or people, or I cannot stop something or someone from doing something bad, I am the bad one. The stupid one, who should be able to save everyone, stop criminals and save the day, everywhere, at the same time. How in the hell am I supposed to do that? I am one woman".
Zaeed knew, personally the insults that Kaitlin received. She was right. People were always willing to call her a failure, call her out on being unable to do something, simply because she wasn't there, or didn't get there in time.
The mercenary threw insults around all of the time, but he never really meant any of them. If he did, he would just shoot the person, rather than talk. But, when he and Vido had arguments, and there were many, they would almost always turn physical. Several people would need to pull the bloodied and bruised pair apart and drag them away from each other.
But Shepard didn't have the luxury of those options. She couldn't hit someone, or shout at them, even if she really wanted too, deep down inside. The merc doubted highly, that Kaitlin would ever hit or shout at someone though. Her light cough brought his wandering thoughts back to her.
"I am not saying that when we do a mission and we are successful, that we need fanfare, a party and unicorns for God's sake. But what I am saying is that, people only notice my flaws, my failures, not when I succeed. Rather, when we all succeed. I want people to know that I really am trying, but that I just cannot be everywhere at once. People will die, and I despise that. Sometimes, I feel like shit for that happening, but other times, I just think, there was nothing I could have done. But the relatives of those people won't think that, will they? They'll just think that I couldn't be bothered. Add to that all the bull I get about being short, that no one could ever take me seriously. Oh where is the rest of you, is a common one. Add that to what's going on and it makes me want to scream".
Kaitlin took a long drag from her cigarette, and then drank quite a lot of the whiskey. The burn felt like acid down her throat, but she felt like it would burn her anguish and suffering, so she did not care. She ate her biscuit in silence.
Zaeed went quiet, pulling out a cigarette himself. He lit it and took a drag.
He did feel bad for Kaitlin. He knew, first hand how hard she worked, tirelessly, in trying to save people's lives. And yet, it seemed that if Shepard saved many, instead of one, people would despise her, and ridicule her. It made no sense. Then again, nothing much made sense anymore, in the chaos that was space.
Zaeed noticed that his cup was still full, so he drank it all, down in one. Kaitlin crinkled her forehead.
"Wow, and I thought I looked like the alcoholic here. I guess I had better go".
A gruff sound stopped her.
"You work you arse off Shepard, and yet no one seems to care. Even the council, who are supposed to back you up don't give a fuck. But, you do everything you can, and the people who need to know, know that. There's always going to casualties Shepard, it isn't easy knowing that, but it is a fact. I am staying. I know I don't need to now, but I am. Thanks, for Zorya. I know many people died, because of my grudge, but it's not like I planned that. Know that. I may shit on other people's parades sometimes, but even I didn't want to kill all of those innocent people".
Kaitlin sipped some more whiskey, then thought, fuck it, and drank the whole lot. The burn wasn't as bad this time. She refilled her cup, and looked to Zaeed, who nodded, and so, she filled his.
"Ha, you won't call me Kaitlin. I haven't earned your respect. That's fine, your file did say that you didn't do well with authority, and so, I knew that I may not be able to get through to you. But, you proved me wrong. I am glad you are staying. And I am not mad at you for what happened on Zorya. I am just glad you got it out of your system, and so, can commit to this fully".
Zaeed grumbled.
"You make me sound soft".
Kaitlin looked at him, grinned and then laughed aloud.
"Goddamned bitch. Seriously, I have not gone soft".
"You named your gun though. Come on, that does make it appear that you have some kind of heart. I guess the ice encased around it isn't as thick as I first thought".
Zaeed stood up and paced, his boots thump reverberated off the floor.
"Fuck off. And that 'ice' is there for a reason".
Kaitlin finished her cigarette. She stood up, picked up her cup and went to walk to the elevator.
"You just need someone to warm it up. I have a blowtorch".
His eyes widened and he backed up.
"It doesn't need anything, or anyone".
Kaitlin walked away, slowly, almost tormenting him in the process.
"We are both stubborn Zaeed, but who will win out, hmm? Oh and by the way. I will win".
He walked off, in the direction of his room, growling as he went.
"Really? Try that out and I will make sure that the next to time you are in the kitchen, scavenging for treats, they won't be there. They'll be in my room. Because, I can reach".
He laughed and Kaitlin fumed. She stormed down the corridor but only caught him going inside his room. The room door closed before she got there and she could feel the anger building up inside her, it raged in her body, and boiled in her veins. She had to take a few, deep breaths, before deciding that he wasn't worth it.
The last thing he said though incensed her no end. She had to get away from his room.
"Maybe next time, Kaitlin".