Disclaimer: la, la, la, I don't own FMA.
Thank you for all reads
Envy certainly didn't see it as associating or relating or helping (or anything of that sort) with the humans. Definitely not. But the others would if they found out. So naturally, they never would, at least if Envy had anything to do with it.
It was only an added part of the job, mostly. It couldn't hurt. It was good practice.
Being Gracia Hughes wasn't half bad. Of course, it was very unusual, being around so much affection. "I love you" was damn sure not anything Envy ever heard from the others. So, it was very important to remember to be careful. Too much surprise, one slip of the tongue, the smallest mistake in the transforming, and there would be an awful cost to pay. Envy didn't want to find out what that cost could be.
It was such a different environment in a human's body, and not just any human's form, but a specific human's body. Envy had always made sure to never get caught in the act and this would never be allowed to happen. Which was good, aside from the obvious reasons.
It was, if this was the right word, somewhat enjoyable to be other people. Being others was interesting and exotic and thrilling and excitingly forbidden and not just because it was.
Done up real pretty as one of Greed's women, drink down that thick cold liquor with your painted lips curled and wait for those words
"I want you"
over and over again, take them in like a happy surprise each time consume them with your taken on form's hungry eyes
hungry for everything in the world at that moment
It always had to be a secret, there was no telling what would happen if anything got out. And really, Envy thought, (it doesn't need to. My business is my business. Nobody cares unless I ruin something or it concerns them. So don't make either of those things be true). But when one line is crossed, it becomes hard not to cross them all. Envy had learned this the hard way. Envy had learned it was hard to learn from your own mistakes.
Done up real important looking as Mustang with your worn-in military coat and smile like the most contented person there is lean back in that desk and rule the world or come close to it come on lift up those eyes but better keep watch for steep areas
Lieutenant says, "you know, I'm not close to anyone the way I am to you"
And before you know it "I don't usually hear anything as nice as that" comes out of your taken-on throat and it can't come back in and more things after that and don't stop
And cross the line
There was a difference between it being for an assignment and doing it outside of orders to further an assignment. And, in the latter case, it usually wasn't just for working purposes. But nobody needed to know that.
It was like a guilty pleasure. There were just some things that could not possibly be obtained or heard in Envy's regular form, and if there were other forms to use, why not take the opportunity?
Envy knew it was wrong. And not the usual wrong, like what was usually done with pleasure and excitement, but truly wrong, in every sense it could be. Envy realized sometimes-most of the times- too late what was happening.
Envy liked Gracia Hughes's form. Healthy and pretty and it made Envy not want to look in a mirror, for some reason. That was maybe how to be sure a form was really good. It was the type of form all the humans gravitated towards. Natural beauty, some would say, or that was what Envy thought they would.
Envy looked at Gracia's reflection in the mirror. Something felt very strange. It was the ultimate guilty pleasure.
Turn around someone's behind you it is Hughes and you are prepared you'd better be warm knit sweater catching on a small crack in the mirror's frame as you turn around and don't just watch Maes Hughes tell his wife how he loves her
Just watching wasn't how spying through shapeshifting, and shapeshiting itself, was done. Either you were you or you were someone else. There was no in between.
Lines were crossed.
So Envy did what was necessary to the situation when situations came up. After all, there was no Envy in the situations, was there? All you had to do was look.
For a second as Maes Hughes's eyes look into his wife's Envy thinks (he really does know this time) but he doesn't. Which is strange, Envy is never this lucky.
Envy is lucky.
Some part of Envy's subconscious wants to taunt "can't you tell your own wife from ME?" But if he could, the transforming job wouldn't be very good.
Shapeshifting, as Envy knew, meant that you could be anyone or anything your mind told you to be. But Envy knew a lot of things.
And hears a lot of things as Gracia
"I love you, Gracia…"
And hearing that, combined with everything else, is more unusual than any unexpected part of being someone else. And part of it is terrifying, but Envy would never admit it. But the other part takes the whole thing in and can't get enough and loves it and ignores the obvious.
"Maes…"
Better do a good job as this one
His hands are around Gracia's waist.
Being others meant you could be anyone or anything your mind told you to be. Being others meant you were either you or someone else. There was no in between.
And Envy knew that it wasn't just about being others or work or assignments. And Envy didn't want to know.
Envy kept on hearing "I love you" over and over again and being a human was never quite like that before.
(If I were a human what would I be like) Envy didn't want to think.
Being others was a line waiting to be crossed.
Later on, Envy left the house and was glad that all the lights inside were off. (Very soon,) Envy thought (I won't ever have to be her again) and didn't know why it came as a relief, seeing how, even though Envy wasn't too in control of the situation things didn't go badly.
Envy didn't know why.
And Envy's mind repeated the words I love you, Gracia over and over again, eyes half closed, imagining things that would could should only ever be imagined. Or maybe they shouldn't even have been imagined. Envy was always easily distracted.
It was a line waiting to be crossed, Envy knew. There were some things that Envy didn't want to know.
(Guilty pleasure always was a strange expression)
That night, Envy ran past the mirror in the Hughes's house, and switched out of Gracia's form sooner than was necessary or even safe. But for some reason, Envy didn't want Gracia's form anymore.
Envy transformed back into the usual form, wondering if
Hughes's arms around Gracia's waist and words that only two people who love each other can say and Gracia's hands stroking Hughes's hair and guilt and things that Envy can't feel and panic and lines being crossed and in betweens where they should be and keeping your enemies close enough or too close for comfort and every emotion possible for Envy to feel
would fade and then vanish from Envy along with Gracia's form.
They didn't.