Writing this because I just started the Golden Lily and Adrian and Sydney need to be together.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, Bloodlines, or their characters.

I try to stay awake, but sleep pulls me down like a boat sinking into the ocean.

I'm in a garden.

Not this again.

Every time I dream, I dream of this. My spirit dreams with Rose. She's never really there. It's only memories, echoing inside my head.

Like many of the other dreams, I'm standing in Sonya Karp's flower garden. When Rose was on the run, she visited Sonya Karp, and her garden was the most beautiful place she could think of. Since I had let her pick the place that night, she thought of this. I had grinned and told her that I should let her pick more often.

Now, it haunts me.

But when I look around me once more, I realize the flowers aren't the same. Before, they were roses, which made this environment all the more painful.

Instead of roses, the flowers are now lilies.

Golden lilies.

I do a double take. I don't remember drinking before. I shake my head, and then look at the flower again. But they're still lilies.

What made them change? I ask myself, even though I already know what it is. Who it is.

I can't be with her. It's forbidden, even more forbidden than Rose and I's relationship. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. I mean, she's always around me, escorting Jill to and fro Clarence's house and she's beautiful. She doesn't think she is, but she is.

She wouldn't be a girl on my top-ten hotties, but not for the reason you think. I think it would degrade her to be on that list. She's much too sophisticated. She wouldn't get drunk and sleep with a boy she didn't know. And she's not hot. She's beautiful. There's a difference to me.

She doesn't think anybody notices what she does, but I do. She's addicted to coffee, and she barely eats anything. She's as skinny as a rail, and she thinks there is nothing wrong, but there is. It worries me. I've called her out on it once, but she blew it off with a frown and a snarky comment.

She didn't talk about it after that, but I think I know why she starves herself. She grew up knowing she would have to work with Moroi. Moroi are perfect. They're taller, fairer, and skinnier than humans. It's unnatural. Of course it is. After all, we're vampires. She was probably pushed to try to reach our average weight. Probably by her mom or dad.

I kind of know how she feels. My family pressured me to go to college. It didn't work out well. My dad was angry with me over that, so now I'm living with a senile old man on a minuscule allowance.

So, I walk through the garden slowly, looking around me as I go. There are no roses. Only lilies. I smile slightly.

And then I get shaken awake. What I assume is hair tickles my cheek. I take a deep breath and open my eyes to find wide golden eyes about a foot above my own. It's not Jill- Jill has emerald green eyes, just like Lissa, her sister.

"Sydney?" I ask groggily.

"Time to get up," she says, sounding a little annoyed. She kind of always sounds like that. "Jill wants to see you."

Once we're in the car, she starts grilling me.

"You were smiling in your sleep," she notes.

"It's a crime to be happy now, Sage?"

She rolls her eyes. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing," I say immediately.

She glances at me, looking suspicious of my answer. "Usually people who are lying answer a question within three seconds."

"I'm not lying!" I exclaim, hoping she can't tell that I'm lying.

She narrows her eyes. "Okay. I believe you." But it's clear she doesn't.

It's a good thing she's not Jill, because then she would be able to see that I was dreaming about her.