Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction here.
AN: As much as I adore all of God's creatures and all the wonderful gifts they endow upon this world, what I dearly hate most of all is excrement. This story below can probably relate to that.
It was a perfect day in Central. The sun was up in the sky, bright and shining; the birds chirped; the children played games on the streets, frantic parents warning them to avoid getting turned into roadkill from the passing cars; the vendors in their small shops that lined Central's busy streets shouted off their products while soldiers, alchemists, civilians and tourists walked to and fro, here to there and everywhere.
All in all, it was a lovely day in the bustling capital of Amestris.
And, it was in this lovely day in this bustling capital of Amestris in this wonderful world, that Edward Elric, also known as the feared FullMetal Alchemist, strolled down the road towards the Central Military Headquarters.
Short, long blond hair in a pony tail, clad in black and a scarlet cape draped over his shoulders, he was a sight to behold. Behind him, walking tall and intimidating , was his brother, Alphonse Elric, who was, as of this timeline in said anime series, nothing more than a soul sealed in a blood symbol inside a large statue.
However, that is not the point of our story, dear readers. What moment was of the greatest criticalness was that of young Edward and his mortal enemy that was obliviousness.
For you see, as dear Edward was walking down the street, talking quite loudly to his brother, a stray animal, be it a cat or a dog or even a runaway chimpanzee, had chosen to release its earlier consumption in the middle of the street, after of which it had probably ran away or hid or gotten slammed by the fast cars. But I digress, on chimpanzees of such things.
You see, Edward Elric has been known for many things. Great things, if I say so myself. He has been known for his bravery, his courage, his desire for justice, his goal to attain self-redemption, his temper and, most of all, his extreme obliviousness for little things like watching where he's walking.
And it was in that exact moment, when Edward's right foot raised, black boot poised to step down, did the remains of that stray animal lay in its direct path.
Then, with an odd squishing sound and an explosion of obnoxious smell, did Edward Elric realize he had stepped on shit.
It was then, after that horrible moment, Edward was the center of jokes in the office as he had, due to his great pride, refused to turn round and changed boots, and thus the eyewatering smell permeated around him wherever he went.
Thus, my dear readers, whether you are alive or dead, be wary of where you may step. Stepping on the excrements of an animal is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Now, I do hope you were not consuming something that has a brown color or is aqueous or anything that may be in appearance akin to what our lovely Edward had unfortunately stepped on.
AN: This was quite fun to write, if I do say so myself. My Literature professor asked us to write, if we do write, in a way that would break the fourth barrier, so to speak; or write in a way that we do not separate ourselves from the story, and in bits of bits, slowly insert the writer and reader in it. Frankly, I had no idea what that shit was supposed to mean. I just wrote it like the way my grandmother told us stories. Go figure.
P.S. I do not support roadkill or any form of animal cruelty. I am a fervent member of PETA and what I wrote above that may have any regard to animal cruelty, I have done so only for entertainment purposes only. I love animals, thank you. If you would send me a Siberian Husky in lieu of a review, I would be more than happy to accept. *smiles suggestively*