A/N: Yay for my first multi-chapter fic! This one has been on the making for a looooooooooong time. Seriously - I've started in like... February. Anyway, this week I rewrote about 50% of what I had written because it just wasn't working the way I had it. It's not quite finished, though. It should have around 3 chapters + epilogue by the end of it and I have 2.5 chapters + epilogue finished. Hopefully I will be able to finish that half chapter without delaying things - stuff is mostly outlined for it...
This fic belongs to my usual 'Jellal has joined the guild' universe. You can find the fics of this Universe listed in my profile, so technically this is a sequel to 'The Rollercoaster', etc and prequel of 'Under the Starry Sky', 'Wonder', 'Giants', 'Mavis the Friendly Ghost', among others.
Also, the plant names are totally made up!
I hope you guys like it :D
June x794
When all things were considered, the conclusion that was reached was that it was all Wendy's fault.
"Wendy!" the elderly healer shouted as her eyes scanned a couple of jars full of herbs in her hands. She had just fetched them from the shelves of her workspace and reached an alarming conclusion. One was nearly full, the other one was nearly empty, both containing similar-looking herbs… She frowned. That wasn't right.
The fifteen-year-old Dragon Slayer nearly jumped out of her skin as she heard her tutor calling her, immediately getting to her feet and going to her, followed by the ever-present Carla. "Yes, Porlyusica-san."
"What happened to all the herbs in this jar?" she asked her, showing her the nearly empty jar.
The young girl frowned. "I made them into syrup and gave it to the girls like you told me to."
Porlyusica stared. "What girls?"
"You know: Lucy, Erza, Levy, Juvia and Lisanna."
There was a silent pause. "I asked you to give them the Barbwort, not the Tazelvain."
"But isn't that Barbwort you're holding?"
"No, this is Barbwort," Porlyusica corrected her, showing her the other jar – the full one. "The nearly empty jar is Tazelvain."
Wendy's eyes widened. "But I thought Barbwort was purple and Tazelvain was red!"
"Usually they are, but there are certain kinds of Tazelvain growing around Magnolia that look purple as well. By the gods, girl! Can't you read the labels?!"
"I can read, but… well…"
"What, Wendy?!" the woman barked.
"Your handwriting is unreadable sometimes!" Carla said for her. "Honestly, some things you write look like just random squiggly lines! Nobody could decipher those words!"
"Then why didn't you ask?!"
Wendy looked down, ashamed. "I didn't want to bother you. You've been such a kind, patient teacher. Everyone said otherwise but you're making a real effort to be nice to me, so I wanted to be… proactive. I read everywhere that you could tell Barbwort apart from Tazelvain by the color, so I didn't think I needed to bother you with that."
"You should have bothered me with that. I am your teacher – I am here to be bothered! And now, it looks like you gave Tazelvain to everyone!"
Wendy looked like she might cry. "Oh… god, did I make anybody sick? Oh, no! This is bad. I'll make a horrible healer!"
"Wendy, calm yourself down," Carla soothed the girl.
Porlyusica sighed. If it were anybody else, she would have torn them a new one. But she had a soft spot for the young Dragon Slayer… "Calm down, you didn't kill anybody."
The blue-haired girl sighed in relief. "Thank God!"
"Don't start throwing the fireworks just yet, girl. Remember what Barbwort is for?"
Wendy looked thoughtful for a moment. And then, she blanched. "No… please, no…"
"What is it?" Carla enquired. "What's going on?"
The Dragon Slayer sobbed. "I've just gotten a bunch of girls pregnant!"
"What?!" Lucy asked in disbelief. "You want us to do what?"
"I want you to pee into those cups and then wait for a few minutes."
"Why would we ever do that?" Levy inquired.
"Because I say so!" Porlyusica shouted. There were four humans too many in her house and she wanted to get it over with. Couldn't they just comply?
Lisanna cleared her throat. "Porlyusica, I think it's not unreasonable for us to question as to why you want a sample of our bodily fluids," she argued. "I'm sure you'd see that too if you thought for a moment."
The older woman didn't respond but, instead, Wendy let out a sob. "It's my fault!" she wailed.
"Wendy!" Carla admonished.
"But it is!" she insisted. "I mixed up some herbs and screwed up your anti-conceptional syrup, so you could all be pregnant right now!"
"What?!" Levy shouted.
"Gray-sama's baby…" Juvia mumbled, her eyes sparkling with… excitement?
"It must be pregnancy season," Lisanna mumbled under her breath. "Mira-nee does know where to aim."
"What?" Carla said, frowning at her mumbling.
"Nothing!"
"I'm sorry!" Wendy shouted, burying her face in her hands and sobbing.
Porlyusica sighed. "No use crying over spilled milk," she told the girl, far more sympathetic than she would have been with anybody else. "Look, Wendy did mix up some herbs that look quite similar. The good news is that those plants do belong to the same general family, so both of them can somewhat reduce your fertility, although the one Wendy gave you by mistake is considerably less effective than the one you should have been given. The only thing we can do now is seeing if you are indeed up the duff, so to speak, and take it from there."
Lisanna cleared her throat. "I think I can save you the trouble and assure you there is absolutely no way I can be with child right now," she said. "I… er… I haven't been…" she paused, coughing "with anyone recently." Or ever, for that matter, but that was a whole other story. The only reason why she took the syrup was to ease her monthly cramps.
"I don't think I am either," Lucy announced.
Although Lisanna's admission hadn't surprised anybody – seeing as she wasn't seeing anyone – Lucy's had every girl in the house doing a double-take.
"What? You and Natsu are always going at it!" Levy shouted. "I saw you changing the other day – your boobs are covered with bite marks!"
"Levy-chan!"
Juvia glared. "Juvia knew it. Love-rival doesn't lay with Natsu-san because she actually wants Juvia's Gray-sama. Love-rival!"
"No! It's nothing like that!" Lucy said, lifting her hands up as if to show she carried no arms. "It's just that… well, I don't think it should be just the girl's job to, well, handle protection. So, I make Natsu always… er, wear his own too. It's only fair. Plus, he's used my syrup with pancakes more than once," she added, rolling her eyes. "He likes it because it's spicy."
Most or the girls 'ew-ed' while Lisanna just sighed. "Sounds like something Natsu would do."
"That little fire-breathing idiot," Porlyusica mumbled. "But making him wear his own protection is smart. I guess there is hope for some humans…" She turned to Levy and Juvia. "I don't suppose you two are in the same situation." They shook their heads. "Typical. Learn from the blonde one."
"I have a name! It's Lucy!"
Porlyusica ignored her and, just then, Erza unceremoniously burst into the house. "I apologize for my lateness. I was told you needed me here."
The older woman handed her a cup. "Pee into that."
"Where can I find the bathroom?"
The pink-haired woman pointed at a door and Erza made her way to it without a question.
"What? She doesn't ask questions?" Lucy asked.
"She's not a pest unless she knows she's actually sick or injured and slides into denial mode," Porlyusica said, turning to Levy and Juvia. "Now, the two of you – either pee in this cup or risk getting a surprise in a few weeks. Your choice – I am washing my hands from this right now. So is Wendy."
"Juvia will take the test!" the water mage announced, sounding excited. "Juvia must know if she needs start researching for names and planning the nursery, and…"
"I'm sorry," Lucy interrupted her. "Is it me or you are actually hoping that you're pregnant?"
The blue-haired girl gaped. "Juvia would never do such a thing! She would never get pregnant on purpose against Gray-sama's wishes to trap him like Love-rival is implying!"
"I never said anything about that!"
"However, an accident would be fair ga… er, not necessarily a tragedy, Juvia means," she said, looking quite hopeful.
"For me, it would be," Levy stated. "Have you seen the size of my hips and Gajeel's head? I don't think I'm ready to push his big-headed spawn out of me yet! Maybe in a few years…"
"A few years?!" Porlyusica called. "How old do you think you are, girl? Your hipbones have gotten as big as they're ever going to get!"
Levy's lips trembled. "I'm going to die…" she mumbled under her breath.
At that moment, Erza left the bathroom and handed Porlyusica the cup full of… pee. "Do you require my presence here? I saw a child crying over a cat stuck on a tree on my way here. I promised her I would come back as soon as possible to help her freeing it."
"Go on, then. Be sure to come back in ten to fifteen minutes," the healer told her.
Erza nodded and walked out.
"Does she even know what the pee was for?" Lucy asked, sounding incredibly frustrated. "For all she knows, you could be trying to clone her."
Everybody shrugged and, after Porlyusica yelled at Juvia and Levy to get a move on, all four were kicked out of the house and told to wait outside for the results.
While Levy spent the whole time pacing fearfully, Juvia was floating around in her dream world, mumbling the words Gray-sama and Ur-chan under her breath, apparently having already decided on a name for the hypothetical baby.
After the ten minutes passed, there was still no sign of the results and the girls were getting antsy.
"We could try peeking through the window," Levy suggested. "She's probably just making us suffer for kicks. The standard urine-based pregnancy test is very quick and easy to do. You just drop a powdered herb into a cup of pee and wait a few seconds. If it turns red, you're knocked up!"
"You talk as if you've done it before," Lisanna teased her.
Levy blushed. "I read about it in a book!"
"But the window is so far up…" Lucy sighed before turning to the water mage in the group. "Juvia, you can turn your body into water and use it to boost yourself up. I've seen you do it before."
The other woman covered her belly protectively. "Juvia doesn't think she should turn into water right now. It might hurt the baby."
"You don't even know if you're pregnant yet!"
"Juvia will not risk Gray-sama's potential child!" Juvia replied stubbornly.
The blonde sighed.
"I can give you a boost, princess," a male voice offered from nearby. All the girls turned around only to find Loke standing nearby, smiling charmingly.
"Where did you come from?!" Lucy demanded.
"I sensed you needed my services," he said seductively. "I will gladly provide you with the extra height you need."
"You just want to look up my skirt, you perverted lion!" his master accused.
"I would never…"
"Lisanna can turn into a bird and fly up there," Levy suggested.
"Oh, that's right!" the white-haired girl confirmed. "I'll take care of this one, Loke."
Loke pouted, dejectedly. "Can't blame a guy for trying," he mumbled before disappearing back into the Celestial world.
"Pervert," Lucy mumbled.
With him gone, Lisanna used her powers to grow a pair of wings and rose up several feet from the ground until she could peak through the window.
"Well? Can you see anything?" Levy asked.
"Give me a second," Lisanna replied at first, observing for a few more seconds. "Oh, I see the cups. One is red!"
Juvia let out a squeal of excitement while Levy paled.
"Is there any way to see who it belongs to?" Lucy asked, wrapping her arms around Levy's shoulders.
"There's something written on the side of the cups. I can't see what it is but wait." She paused and fully turned herself into some sort of bird of prey. Probably an eagle, considering they were known for their spectacular eyesight. Then, seconds later, she turned back into her winged human form, coming back down to the ground.
"Well?" Lucy urged her.
"The most I could see was an 'L' written on the side of the red cup," she told them.
It was enough. Only one of them had a name starting with an L. As such, Levy went very limp all of a sudden and would have toppled to the ground, were it not for Lucy holding her up. "Levy-chan!"
"I'm going to die! They're going to have to break my pelvis to get Gajeel's big-headed baby out! I need more time to grow!" she said dramatically.
But Juvia's reaction still managed to top hers. She fell on her knees dramatically and the sky thundered over them before it started to rain. "No! Juvia is barren! Barren! No!"
As the rain soaked them through, Porlyusica opened the door of her house and looked out, annoyed, as Wendy peaked from behind her, looking slightly fearful. "What the hell is all this noise for?!"
"They're just taking in the news a little badly," Lisanna said.
"What news? I haven't said anything yet."
"We may have… peeked," Lucy mumbled. "There was an 'L' on the side of the cup with the positive result. I guess Levy is…"
The woman scoffed. "As if I would ever recall you girls by name."
Levy looked up hopefully, the rain no longer falling on her as Wendy had used her magic to create an air barrier over the girls to protect them from the falling rain. "So 'L' is not for me?"
"No. 'KS' is."
"What is that supposed to stand for?"
"Kid-Sized," the healer informed her as the rainfall started ceasing.
Levy was taken aback, looking offended. "I'm not that small!"
"You were just shouting that you needed more time to grow!" Carla pointed out.
"I was in shock!"
"So, who is 'L'?" Lucy asked. "Erza or Juvia?"
"Nobody is 'L'. It's 'LW', not 'L'. It stands for Loud Weirdo."
The sun shone brightly in the sky. "It's Juvia!" the girl in question shouted. "She must go and tell Gray-sama! But how…? Oh, Juvia knows! She will buy him a World's Best Dad T-shirt!"
Porlyusica cleared her throat. "Calm down, girl. It's not you either. You would be the 'Obsessive Nutjob', or 'ON'."
And so, Juvia slumped back down into despair, rain beginning to fall all over again.
"Wait," Lucy said. "So, if it's not Levy or Juvia, that leaves…"
Silence covered the immediate area around Porlyusica's house. Not even the birds dared to let out a chirp. It was only the sound of rain hitting the floor that they heard. It stayed like that for about a minute.
"What are you all standing in the rain for?" they heard a familiar voice enquiring. "You will catch a cold."
Everybody turned to the source with wide-eyes. There stood Erza carrying an umbrella she'd probably gotten out of her requip dimension. So blissfully unaware…
"Erza-san, why don't you come in?" Wendy said gently from the doorway. "We need to talk."
"Is there some sort of problem?" she inquired.
"Just go in," Lucy urged her. "You'll want to sit down for this."
"I'd rather not waste more time than necessary." Jellal was due back from a week-long job he'd taken with his team at any moment. One could say she'd missed him more than a little bit and was eager to… welcome him home. Intimately. "Whatever it is, you can tell me here."
Wendy looked nervous while all the other girls watched the scene with badly-disguised interest. "Erza-san… this really is a delicate matter…"
"You're pregnant," Porlyusica carelessly blurted out, causing some of the onlookers to whimper in sympathy for the pain of the verbal kick Erza had just received.
"I beg your pardon?" the knight asked, blinking rapidly.
"Did you really have to blurt it out like that?!" Lucy barked at the healer.
"Wouldn't have made her any less pregnant than she is," the pink-haired woman declared.
"You have horrid bedside manner!" the blonde accused.
Meanwhile, Erza stood, wide eyed. No one dared to approach her, fearful of the delayed reaction she might have. "Pregnant…" she mumbled.
"Yes, pregnant! Knocked up, expecting, in a family way, harboring a fugitive… The results of the test I made are very clear – you are gestating another useless human in your womb. Congratulations, I suppose."
Erza remained in mild shock for at least a minute until she cleared her throat and straightened her back, bizarrely restrained. "I see," she said.
Wendy couldn't take it anymore. "Erza-san, I am so sorry! So, so sorry!" she apologized miserably. "It's my fault but I swear I'll make it up to you! I'll babysit whenever you want to! No. I'll move in with you and Jellal-san to help you with the baby. Just please don't be angry at me. I didn't mean to mix up the herbs!"
The redhead blinked at the younger girl. The words came into her head through one ear and left through the other, leaving very little in the numbed-down brain in between.
"I will be on my way, then," Erza managed to say before turning on her heel and walking away without another word.
The other girls stared after her. "That was weird," Lucy commented. "Even by her standards."
"Do you think she's okay?" Lisanna asked, looking at the retreating woman.
"She's clearly in shock," Levy stated. "I mean, a baby… "
"Juvia wants a baby too," the forth woman moaned. "Ur-chan…"
The other three women sighed. Well, better Erza than them…
To be continued...