Ryuusuke stumbled out of his room into the vacant hallway upstairs. He'd been very, very foolish.
Normally he didn't move to do such things. But he had been so pissed and he'd just let himself go. He had figured that if his father didn't want him alive, then who would? He figured no one would care what he did to himself. He figured he would drown out all of his problems in alcohol and drugs. And now he's paying dearly.
Very dearly.
When he reached the bathroom, he immediately vomited all of his stomach contents. He left himself choking and gasping for air and damnit, he couldn't breathe. His hands clawed at the side of the toilet bowl before he was finally able to drag in a ragged breath that left him gasping.
Why had he done such things?
Normally Ryuusuke kept his drinking to a minimum. To only one bottle of vodka a week, if that. Sometimes he could go two weeks without even a shot, other times he cursed having to put a limit on himself, but only knowing it was for the best.
This time, however, he had gone way past his limit. He had blown straight through three bottles, and then in his drunken state, had gone through one or two more. Possibly even more, seeing as he couldn't remember. And it was He felt absolutely horrid now, and wished that he could honestly die.
He hated drinking, he really did, but after using it as an outlet for his troubles for so long, it became a disgusting habit he wished he'd never got into.
And then there came the matter of drugs. He hated how they made him feel after he came down from the high, but he never stopped because of how he felt when he was going through withdrawal.
After his highs, he would always feel claustrophobic and cold. Like the walls were closing on him. His reactions would be severely slowed. His pupils would be dilated, and his eyes would look horrible, by their bloodshot tint adding to the yellow of his almost invisible by then irises. He would also feel extremely tired, but then, he would never be able to sleep. Not at all.
And his withdrawals, oh the withdrawals…
They were horrible. He would be restless, and he would ache like he was hit by a truck. He would also be constantly sick, and he would dry heave when he had nothing left to throw up. He would have freezing cold flashes, but right after he would have such an intense hot flash, he felt like he was burning.
He would then have muscle cramps and loss of appetite, and only after having multiple panic attacks, and getting sick one more, would he finally end up taking more.
Each time he tried. He tried so hard… But each time he would fall, and he wouldn't get back up.
Then, randomly, the question, 'Why would his father want him dead' always rose to Ryuusuke's mind. And honestly, he had no clue.
His father had hated him since he could remember.
It had started out with just verbal insults, the occasional slap on the back of the hand and everything seemed okay… in a way. But then his father had started getting angrier as he reached his teenage years, always putting him down, and hurting him.
Though, once he turned twenty. Once he stopped aging… Once his healing abilities were top notch… Oh that's when it really started.
He was constantly being hit or slashed, and he was constantly covered in bandages, covered in open wounds. Yet, he always told himself; "But he has to love you… Love you because he hasn't killed you yet" And now he knows that that was a horrible reason to feel loved.
But back to his current predicament, he was now sprawled out on his bathroom floor- thankful it was spared of his sickness, breathing heavily. He felt like crap, like he wanted to curl up and die. When he thought about it, the route didn't seem that bad.
But wait.
He shouldn't think like that, he should think of the few others that would care if he were to… leave. He had to think of those who… cared. Yeah.
He had to think of Akane, because she was his best friend. Sure, she had been mean to him at the start, but it was because she had problems of her own, and for that he respected her. Just as Ryuusuke tried to be there for her most of the time, she herself was there for him. It was a friendship that was stronger than any of his past 'friendships' and it was one he placed complete trust in. He trusted the girl with his life, and for that, he was glad they had met.
He also had to think of Mephisto. Mephisto Pheles, the man who had saved him at one point. Mephisto Pheles, his boyfriend of quite a few years. Last but not least, Mephisto, the person who meant the world to him. He certainly had to think of his boyfriend, because he didn't want to hurt him in anyway, even if it were to be emotional, or even physical, on the lowest of scales, he didn't want to lay any harm on the man at all.
But to… kill him self… That would hurt him the most anything else would, and that was one of the thoughts that anchored him. Told him not to do it. Kept him sane.
Then, oh how could he forget. There was always Kichi, his friend of a year or two. Sure, the girl got his nerves… a lot. And sure… She did annoy him sometimes. And.. Damnit. Sure, she would tease him or make fun of him, but it was in between those awkward times that she would be a good friend. She was a shoulder to cry on, and friend to go to for comfort. Someone that cared, and for that he was also glad.
So in truth, he had three people keeping him in his reality. Sure, he had other… friends. Mostly friends of his friends, but they weren't the closest. It was these three that mattered, and It was these three that he would stay for.
Once again back to his current state, Ryuusuke took a deep breath as he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. His stomach felt like lurching at every move, but he tried his best to ignore it in favor of a more comfortable position. He glanced at the full sized mirror that covered the whole front of the door leading into the closet in the bathroom, frowning as he saw his reflection in it.
In all honesty, he looked like death warmed over, or that it was well on its way. His skin was paler than normal, making him look like he was half dead, his eyes were bloodshot, and his irises a dull yellow. He was breathing heavily, and he looked like how he felt.
Exhausted. Fatigued. Sick.
Gathering up strength from where he couldn't even fathom, he attempted standing up, only for his stomach to lurch again half way there, causing him to fall to his knees roughly before vomiting again. He groaned when he was finished, his eyes half lidded. He needed to somehow get downstairs.
Ryuusuke cursed as his hands shook, nearly dropping the glass of water in his hands. He couldn't hold anything still for his life. He put it back on the kitchen counter, and sluggishly moved towards the living room. He let out a raspy breath, letting out a light but still painful cough. He had just made it downstairs after laying on the bathroom floor for what felt like hours.
He groaned in pain as his head throbbed, being faced with a horrid hangover. He hissed as the phone started to ring. He shoved his body off the couch to go answer the phone, stumbling all the way. "H-hello?" he mumbled out.
"Ryuusuke? Were you sleeping?" he heard a voice question. "Hello?" the voice questioned again when Ryuusuke failed to answer.
"Amaimon? N-no… You k-know I don't… sleep." Ryuusuke grumbled, feeling fairly light headed from standing for so long. "What d-do you nee-… need?" he asked as his head pounded.
"No, not me. Mephisto said he would give me candy if I called to check upon you. You don't sound good. Do you want candy too?" he heard Amaimon ask innocently. With a twisted innocence.
The purple haired demon groaned again, feeling his stomach perform flips. "N-no candy. J-just… Uh… G-get Uhm… Mephisto. P-please." he rasped before regretfully hanging up on Amaimon.
He stood completely still for what felt like all of ten seconds before his sickly skin quickly took on a green tint, and he used unfathomable speed to run to the bathroom. Next thing he knew, once again he was vomiting.
"Ngh… N-never again…" he groaned to himself, hating himself for this, hating himself for the unnecessary shit he put himself through.
As he sat on his couch waiting for Mephisto to arrive- if Amaimon even told the older demon, Ryuusuke's thoughts swirled around his head. He formed a promise to himself as he sat there, and a promise that he would end up telling his friends and certainly his boyfriend as soon as he walked in the door.
His promise was that he would certainly try his hardest to stop his drug addiction, and that he would try with all of his might to stop his drinking addiction. Even though they couldn't kill him- since barely anything except for verses could take demons down, he was tired of living how he was.
He was tired of putting himself through things he didn't have to go through, and even more tired of how it made him feel. He would give anything to go back to the slightly normal life he had before his addictions appealed to him. He'd give absolutely anything.
And for that, he'd try.
He'd try and start a new life.
OnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnOnO
I don't own any of the Ao No Exorcist Characters.
Ao no Exorcist Characters (c) Kazue Kato
Ryuusuke Takawa (c) Myself
Akane Genshou and Kichi Kanagawa (c) My sisters