Hello! To start, this fic idea originated from re-watching GW and a weird fan art pic from a website that shall remain nameless. The pic was the five pilots dressed as girls in female Sanc Kingdom uniforms, and Wufei looked absolutely pissed. The thought got stuck in my head, and poof, here's a weird fic concept. While some pairings may seem implied, I do not intend to pair anyone up. This is pure humor, no romance (no real romance anyway, just jokes). On that note, I don't want to hear any complaints regarding proper couples in the GW universe. Also, while I try to keep in character, everyone has different opinions on OOC, and I apologize if that happens. I did not create this show or own any of it, so it won't be perfect. If you don't like it, don't read it. Reviews with constructive criticism are welcome. Thanks.

THE MISSION

The year is After Colony 197. War has subsided. Peace has begun to settle into the Earth Sphere. However, not everyone desires peace, and small revolts flare up on both the colonies and Earth. A peacekeeping group, the Preventers, continues to put out such fires before they go out of control. This story focuses on one such revolt that was quelled by five of the Preventers' members in the most unusual way.

AFTER NOON: PREVENTERS BRIEFING ROOM: LOCATION UNKNOWN

"A terrorist hiding in the St. Gabriel Institute?" Trowa Barton flips through a small stack of papers as he addresses his superior, Sally Po.

"Yes. I figure transferring in a few students will attract far less attention than several new faculty members being hired in the middle of a term. The five of you-"

"Hey~!" Duo Maxwell leans his elbow on Heero Yuy's shoulder, "Isn't that where Relena used to go to school back in the day?" Heero glares at Duo's elbow, then shoves Duo off.

"That's the other problem. The Vice Foreign Minister, Relena Darlian, has recently decided to finish her schooling, and is now attending that school as well." Sally sighs as she continues, "This will be a very delicate mission and the need to be discreet is most important, Maxwell."

Duo throws his arms in air, "Sure single me out. Personally, I think Wufei would have more trouble fitting in than I would."

Chang Wufei raises an eyebrow at Duo, "Oh really? I don't discuss confidential matters loudly while ordering at a drive-through window..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize your request for me to pick up your contacts was relevant to our mission."

Sally massages her temples, "Anyway, I contacted Howard down on Earth, and he has acquired a house you boys can live in during the mission. It is located fairly close to the Darlian estate, so it will be easier to watch over the minister until we can root out the terrorist. Are there any questions?"

Quatre R Winner, who has been listening to discussion quietly, raises his hand, "What should we do if we actually encounter the terrorist, Miss Sally?"

"We'll need to confirm any evidence we receive here at headquarters before we can arrest any suspects. If you find the terrorist, monitor him or her until we send additional orders. Anything else?" After confirming everyone was ready, "Good. Dismissed."

THE NEXT EVENING: A QUAINT COTTAGE NEAR THE DARLIAN ESTATE

The front door is pushed wide open with a slam. Duo, with his hand still on the door, loudly exclaims, "Finally! Hey Howard, buddy! You home?"

Wufei pushes pass Duo, and enters the house, "Not even one day, and you've already thrown discretion out the window."

Everyone gets inside as Howard comes out of the kitchen, holding a tray with a pitcher and some glasses. The pitcher seems to contain milk. "Oh hey, you guys are just in time to try out my latest experiment!" Howard sets the tray down on the coffee table.

Heero points at the pitcher, "I thought you were an engineer, not a chemist."

Howard shrugs, "Everyone's got to have a hobby." Howard stars pouring the 'milk' into glasses.

"Um, you want us to drink that?" Quatre looks at the glass Howard has offered him, trying to hide his nervous expression.

"What is it?" Trowa carefully sniffs the contents of his glass.

"Oh, just a vitamin supplement I made up. I'm sick of taking all those stupid pills. It supposed give the same effects only it's in a milk form. The desired effect is to make the body stronger..."

"Stronger?" Wufei glares at the glass and then downs it one gulp. He shrugs, "Well, the effects are certainly not immediate. I don't feel any stronger."

Quatre continues to stare down into his glass, "Is it... safe?"

"Don't worry about it, Quatre!" Duo shows Quatre his empty glass, "I just downed two glasses and I'm not dead yet!"

"It's just milk." Heero has tried half, then finishes it.

"That's the idea. It's supposed to just taste like milk. I got the taste right, now I just need a way to figure out if the supplements are working." Howard pauses, thinking. Then, he just shrugs, "Ah well, I'll get to it soon enough."

Trowa puts a hand on Quatre's shoulder, "It seems harmless enough." Trowa drinks his.

Quatre sighs and tries the drink to be polite, "It really does seem like just plain milk."

Duo heads for the kitchen, "I hope you have food to go with this; I'm starving!"

Quatre carefully puts the glass back on the tray, "I guess it's perfectly normal..."

MORNING: SAME LOCATION

Wufei trudges down the hall, half-asleep. He pushes his glasses up his nose, and opens the bathroom door. Heero comes out of his room, only slightly more alert than Wufei, "Worst sleep I've had in my life..." Heero mumbles as he passes Wufei in the hall. Wufei replies with an agreeable grunt and shuts the door. Heero continues down to the kitchen.

Howard is at the counter with his back turned, pouring a cup of coffee. He puts his mug down, and starts to turn with the coffee pot still in hand, "Geez, it's about time you kids got up. How do you take your-" Howard looks at Heero, then freezes in shock, "Whoa..."

Heero, slightly annoyed by Howard's strange behavior, glares, "How do I take my 'whoa'? Is that another weird drink of yours?"

"Uh, well... Heero you're..." Howard tries to form the right words.

Suddenly, a loud crash comes from upstairs; followed by a shrill scream, "No! This can't be! It's got to be some kind of disgusting nightmare!"

Placing the pot back on the counter, Howard points at Heero, "You're a babe!"

Confused and irritated, Heero hardens his glare, "What?"

The door to kitchen flies open, and Duo enters, tapping Heero on the shoulder, "Mornin', Pal!" Duo stops next to Heero and looks down Heero's loose tank top, "Huh. Pretty small..." Duo taps Heero again, then goes over to the fridge.

Heero, still confused and now even more irate, looks down at his chest, and sees... breasts. He stares for a minute, then touches them. He begins to look down further when the door is thrown open again, this time knocking him to the floor. Wufei points to Howard, fury burning in his eyes, "You! What injustice is this? You did this, didn't you?"

Howard shrugs, "I'm just as confused as you are, man, err woman."

Heero, reaching the edge of his patience, gets up, brushes himself off, then glares at Wufei. The glare suddenly turns to a blush, and Heero turns away, "Wufei, you're..."

Wufei wrings his tank top with his hands, "I'm a damned woman! I know!"

Heero continues to divert his gaze as Duo turns from the fridge and points an orange juice carton at Wufei, "Actually Wu-man, I think Heero was gonna say 'you're not wearin' a shirt'."

Wufei glances at his blue tank top in his hands, then quickly throws it over himself, "Gyah, you damned pervert! Don't look at me!" Wufei crosses his arms over his chest. Then looks Duo over. He's dressed normally, and doesn't look much different, "Damn you! You had more of that accursed milk than all of us put together! Why are you still a man?"

Duo slams the carton on the kitchen table, "You can't tell! Mine are like twice the size of yours!" He smooths out his baggy black shirt to show off his figure, "I'm even hotter than Hilde now! God, just because I don't make a big freakin' stink about it..."

"How can you not? Where is your pride as a man! You disgust me, Maxwell!"

As Duo and Wufei continue bickering, Trowa comes into the kitchen in only a towel. He's pulling at it to cover all he can. "I don't suppose anyone can find a store around here; my clothes are too tight and everyone here is smaller than me."

Wufei sharply turns to face Trowa, "This happens to us, and that is your biggest problem?"

"Well, yes. I'm not going to parade around naked. I'll have plenty of time to deal with this predicament once I have some clothes that fit." Trowa notices Duo and Heero's stares and glares at them.

Duo scratches the back of his head and chuckles nervously, "Don't take it personally, Trowa. It's not every day I see a pretty lady wet and clad only in a tiny towel!" Duo wolf-whistles at Trowa; Heero punches Duo hard in the shoulder, "Ow! Damn it, Heero! What was that for?"

"You're just making things worse." Heero leans against the counter, "We have less than 24 hours until we begin our undercover mission. We need to alter our stories to fit our little problem. It shouldn't be too hard. I'll go get started." Heero pushes himself off the counter and exits the kitchen.

"I just noticed somethin'," Duo looks around, "Quatre's usually awake way earlier than the rest of us. Maybe's he's not taking this too well."

"Please," Wufei snorts, "I have a feeling he'd be thrilled over the change..."

"What could possibly give you that idea?" Quatre stands at the door with his hands on his hips. He's wearing his usual outfit, but appears to be rather uncomfortable in it. "Is it my shirts? Because, I'm really sick of that story!"

Duo leans close to Wufei's ear, "Whoa, bitchy..."

Trowa turns to Quatre, "Are you okay?"

Quatre growls, "Do I look okay? Not only am I a girl, I'm... I'm..." Quatre looks at the floor and says softly, "On a period..."

"You're on the rag?" Duo laughs, "Sucks to be you!"

Quatre walks up to Duo and smacks him, "I'm in no mood for your bullshit this morning, got it?"

Duo rubs his face, taken aback by Quatre's new attitude. Trowa puts a hand on Quatre's shoulder, "Duo, stop the jokes. Quatre, I'm sure we'll figure out a solution soon. This isn't the worst thing that's happened to us."

"Speak for yourself." Wufei mutters as he slumps into a seat at the kitchen table.

Quatre fidgets uncomfortably, and looks over at Duo again. Duo puts his hands in the air in mock surrender, and steps back. Quatre grabs Duo by the arm and starts to drag him out the door. "You're coming to the drugstore with me!"

"Huh? What for?" Duo tries to get away, but Quatre's grip is solid.

"I'm not going to buy feminine napkins alone!"

"Fem- wha-? Oh-no... No way! Hilde made me pick those things up for her once, and it was humiliating. Never mind that she sent me back after I got the wrong ones. I can never go into that store again. Besides, how the Hell do you know what to get anyway? Don't tell me Wu-man's right about you; I've got a hundred dollars on the line that you're perfectly straight-" Quatre twists Duo's arm, "Shit! What's with the violence?"

"Duo... I have toilet paper in my pants, and my patience is wearing thin. I have twenty-nine older sisters. I shared a bathroom with over half of them in my lifetime. Where," Quatre gives Duo's arm another twist, "do," twist, "you," another twist, "think," yet another twist, "I," again, "get it," and once more, "from?"

"Okay, okay! Let's just get this over with..." Duo lets Quatre tow him out of the house.

AFTERNOON: SAME LOCATION

"You could have at least changed our names, Yuy!" Wufei slams a sheet of papers onto the kitchen table.

Heero gives Wufei a blank stare, "I did not believe that was important."

"For once, I agree with Wufei. Relena, at the very least, is going to take one look at us and laugh her ass off! Did you even think about that, Heero?" Duo slams his head down onto the table and mutters incoherently into it.

Heero stares, blinks once, then continues, "I managed to get our uniforms delivered immediately, and I acquired some research material to help us blend in," Heero rummages through a bag and places some magazines onto the table.

Wufei stares at the magazines with disgust. "You have got to be kidding me. You call this smut research?"

Quatre flips through one, "They're not that bad. Some of the articles are pretty decent." Wufei raises an eyebrow at Quatre, and Quatre gives out a frustrated sigh, "My sisters leave them in the bathroom, and they pass the time when- Ugh, do I have to explain everything to you people!"

Duo continues to mutter at the table, "Five to seven days, might as well be eternity..."

Trowa pokes Duo in the shoulder, "I said stop it. If we stay like this for a month, we're all going to have Quatre's problem."

Duo keeps his head down, "Well, aren't we a little ray of sunshine..."

Trowa sighs, "Arguing is going to get us nowhere." Trowa picks up a magazine and looks at Heero, "Where are the uniforms?"

Heero points toward the inside door, "Living room."

Trowa gets up and heads for the door to the living room, "I'm getting dressed, then I'm going to the mall to purchase some appropriate attire. I suggest the rest of you do the same." Trowa goes into the other room.

"We have sixteen hours before we begin our mission. We should prepare." Heero begins to read one of the magazines.

Duo raises his head and pushes one of the magazines back and forth with his fingers, "Hilde says only prissy girls read these."

Heero responds without looking up from the magazine he's studying, "Then read it well Duo; tomboys don't usually let their hair grow long."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment."

"Good."