1990: Shawn Confesses a Crush

"Dad," Shawn said. He looked scared, unsure, and Henry took a moment to look him over and try to decide what was wrong. He didn't seem to have any physical clues on him, and Henry hadn't noticed anything odd in his behavior lately. If he had to guess at the reason for the expression on Shawn's face, he would guess it was one of those stupid insecurities kids came up with, one of those things they were always blaming themselves with when, really, the thing in question was out of their control.

He put down his book and called Shawn over to sit next to him. "Come here, Shawn."

Shawn lowered his head a little and sat down next to him, reading a little of the page of the book nearest him in silence before Henry shut the book and placed it on the coffee table.

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"No." He picked at the knee of his jeans, hair hanging low over his eyes. Henry realized he needed to get that boy another haircut already.

"Obviously you want to talk to me, Shawn. We both know that. So tell me what's on your mind."

"Dad . . . I think I like somebody, but I'm not sure."

"Haven't you liked girls before, Shawn?"

"Well, yeah, but . . . ." Shawn rubbed fingertips across his thigh nervously, biting his lip, glancing up at Henry.

"But what, Shawn?" Henry asked, resting his arm on the back of the couch in a sign of close-but-not-too-close comfort.

"It's just different, you know?" Different. That could mean she was a very special girl. Maybe it was a female friend of his he was seeing in a new light. Maybe he'd just never liked anyone this much before. Maybe she liked him back.

"What is it, Shawn?" he said sternly, but not meanly.

Shawn slumped against him, as if needing physical support as much as psychological support. "I think I like Gus," he finally said.

Henry paused, thinking about what he was supposed to say. "How old are you, Shawn?"

"13," he said, voice still a little shaky.

"And the average marriage age is about 23. That's 10 years from now; an entire decade away."

"What if I didn't want to get married?"

"Ever?"

Shawn took in a deep breath. "I think I really like Gus," he repeated.

Henry wrapped the arm on the back of the couch around Shawn's tense shoulders, feeling him relax just slightly. "Shawn, there are plenty of best friends who feel very strongly for each other. You and Gus wouldn't have a very healthy relationship. Homosexuality is considered a pretty deviant culture, and, no, that's not supposed to be incentive for you to go ahead and try out the lifestyle yourself. There's a girl out there for you, Shawn. I know there is. You're special." He gave Shawn's shoulder a little squeeze.

"I'm deviant?" he murmured.

"No, Shawn. You're not deviant, you're just growing up. All adolescents get confused. It's okay." Shawn curled closer. "You alright, Shawn?"

"Yeah. Just give me a minute."

Henry just let him snuggle. He could be affectionate when it was needed.

"So I shouldn't tell him?"

"No. You should wait until the feeling goes away. Then it won't be a problem anymore."

Shawn nodded. "Thanks, Dad," he said, finally getting up, going back up to his room.

1993: Shawn Confesses a Kiss

This time Shawn was straight to the point. "I think I like Matt Johnston."

"Shawn, it's not real. I told you before. Of course, there's no guarantee you were listening, so I'll tell you again. You're simply confused, and that's all."

"Look, just . . . just hear me out. You know we've hung out sometimes. I was coming out of the shower in the locker room and he just planted one on me. And it wasn't even all eww or anything. It was really nice. It's a good thing we were alone at the time, I know, but—"

"No, Shawn. No. You can't do this kind of thing."

"Might I remind you that he kissed me. I'm the innocent here."

"The next time he or any other guy tries something, just push them away."

"But it was really nice!"

"That time you smoked pot was really nice too, but that can mess you up just like any other addictive substance."

"For the record, the cigarettes weren't really a good experience that first time." He paused at the expression on his dad's face. "Well, okay. Can I at least have one good reason I can't kiss back any guys who kiss me first in locker rooms, even if no one else can see it?"

"I can give you more than one. First of all, your reputation. How do you know you won't be caught? You can't know that. Just think about all the times I've caught you doing other things. Two, what if he tries something you're not ready for? Matt Johnston is a big kid, Shawn, and he always was, and you're average build for your age. Three, you're probably still confused about Gus. Look, this is something you should be talking to your mother about, not me."

"Because I'm crazy?" Shawn said softly, almost sounding scared, which Henry could tell he was.

"No, not crazy. You're just a little confused. Aren't you glad you never told Gus about liking him? He might have stopped being your friend. Things could have gotten awkward. Gus is one of those friends that will probably stick around for life, and you don't have a lot of those."

Shawn shook his head. "No, Dad, I'm not glad. But, on the plus side, I got over him. I think he likes girls anyway. As for me, I mean, sure I like Cassie; she's my girlfriend. But I like Matt Johnston. It was really hot, Dad—"

Henry put a hand up. "Shawn, I don't want to hear about it. You're not allowed to kiss Matt Johnston, or any other guy, ever again. Do you hear me?"

"Dad! Don't you think you're overrea—?"

"Do you hear me?"

Shawn sighed. "Yes."

Henry hated the look Shawn gave him, but merely tried to deflect it by crossing his arms. It was for the best. He only ever looked out for Shawn.

2009: Shawn Receives an Apology

"Shawn," Henry said, standing awkwardly in front of Shawn's desk.

"What?"

"I thought about what you said earlier, about my doing everything to keep you off the pole, in every conceivable way. You weren't talking fires."

"No, Dad, I wasn't. Even Gus picked that one up." Shawn gazed at Henry for a moment. "I guess it's not fair to hold it against you after all these years."

Henry sat down in a chair in front of the desk. "Shawn . . . gay wasn't as big of an issue back then. I thought I was helping you out. Things are different now, though. We all know more. If you're gay—"

"Bisexual." Henry paused. "I prefer the term bisexual. Best of both worlds."

Henry nodded. "Okay, if you're bisexual, I want to apologize. I'm just a man, a man who happens to be a father. We do the best we can."

"I know, Dad."

"Maybe you'd understand if you were a father. It's the most dangerous job, being a parent. You've got a responsibility for their safety, their health, their development, and, try as hard as you want to, they're still going to hate you at least at some point. You just have to hope you don't screw them up too badly."

"You didn't, Dad," Shawn said quickly. "I turned out fine, if I do say so myself."

Henry nodded, looking grateful. "Shawn," he paused, looking away to read one of the pieces of paperwork on the desk, upside-down, "I accept you the way you are, and . . . you know, all of that crap."

Shawn didn't say anything for a while, and Henry got up to leave, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I love you, Henry," Shawn whispered.

Henry glanced back over his shoulder. "Yeah, me too, Shawn."