Ban opened his limpid blue eyes to unfamiliar surroundings. He gazed at the ceiling that seemed to glow with a pale, white light.

Am I dead? He wondered faintly, is this heaven? He turned his head and his spiked, jet-black hair fell gently into his eyes, blinding him for about five minutes while he stumbled around swearing incoherently.

All of a sudden, for no properly explained reason, he opened his eyes and immediately remembered what happened just before the first paragraph.

"Ginji is hospitalised? It's a hospital! EVERYBODY ASSEMBLED!"

Straight away, everybody assembled.

"What happened?!" Hevn cried as Shido flew through the window because he could totally do that now.

"Ginji is hospitalised! We're in a hospital! EVERYBODY IS ASSEMBLED!"

"Oh no!" cried Natsumi, who had left Paul to his fate teetering on the edge of a cliff. Everyone promptly forgot about him.

"Will he be alright?" asked Kazuki, jangling dazzlingly and making everyone else look very hideous.

"Er…" Ban looked around uncertainly.

"You don't know do you?" Juubei asked a wall accusingly.

"OF COURSE I KNOW," protested Ban, "I am Ban Midow. I know everything! I can play the violin and the harp and the guitar and the piano and the banjo and the bassoon JUST BECAUSE. Of course I know what's wrong with Ginji!"

There was a silence.

The Silence was joined by its close friend the Awkward.

The Awkward invited its cousin, Lasting Far Too Bleeding Long.

"So?" asked Shido, who had just finished squeezing through the window because he was a big mo' fo'. "What's wrong with him?"

"Er… swine flu…"

The Silence came back.

"Are you sure?" dazzled Kazuki.

"Probably. Or I could have accidentally given myself the Jagan this morning while fixing my admittedly impressive hair because I'm just too darn cute when I leave it down. See how spiky it is?"

They saw.

Then the hospital exploded and everybody (including Paul who was knocked off the cliff by the shockwaves but nobody cared because his existence had been completely forgotten) died.

The End

A.N. Um, basically we were watching Get Backers and we suddenly see the episode title "Ginji is hospitalised? It's a hospital! Everybody assembled!" and think it's the most hilarious thing in existence. Therefore, this.