Crouching Candace, Hidden Platypus Part 1
By Lolitafreak88
On a typical summer morning in the Tri-State Area, things were about to change. But in a town where normal, abnormal, and paranormal things happened, that was to be expected. Particularly when two of the residents were Phineas and Ferb, the two brothers who built inventions that rivaled some of the greatest devices of the present. Forget the phone/computer, phones with apps that took you to any location in the world were their preference. Roller coasters that have unrivaled thrill? They had made two in the past. Of course these inventions never stuck around for long, a mystery that remains unsolved. In fact someone came up with a theory for the disappearances later. It was still early morning and Phineas and Ferb couldn't even begin brainstorming without a hearty breakfast. But there was someone cooped up in their room who had not come to the breakfast table. This person was also the one who came up with the theory for the phenomena that took Phineas and Ferb's inventions to an unknown location. Her name was Candace Flynn.
She was a lovely teenage girl but she was also one of the most... eccentric. She was known across the town for a unquenchable desire to bust her brothers. She had tried countless times but failed every single time. It was probably affecting her psyche but no one could talk her out of it. Although, lately, she had been slightly "enjoying" her brother's inventions and she was also focusing on strengthening her relationships. She had a best friend, Stacy Hirano, and a boyfriend, Jeremy Johnson who she cared about very much. But today Candace was in a funk, she was staying in her room sitting on her bed looking depressed. Stacy had arrived after receiving a call from Candace to come over and she was determined to find out what happened. The Asian girl walked with grace, international flair, and style. It was far more confident than Candace could ever walk. At least, that was how Candace saw it for Stacy was walking as normally as any... sane person.
"Hey Candace, what's the matter?" Stacy asked curious and also somewhat bothered. She had to deal with many things because of Candace, some fun and some not. But she expected it which was probably why she took a bothered tone cause it was getting old.
"Oh Stacy, I have a huge crisis that I can't solve!" She cried in a dramatic fashion. Candace did have a passion for overreacting and melodrama. Stacy softened her tone and expression however. She was used to this as well.
"Let me guess? Can't bust your brothers?" She asked. Candace frowned at that and folded arms. That's not all I'm known for, she thought. Although to be true, it was what defined Candace as a person. Her brothers inventions often frustrated and bothered Candace, likely because they took up some of her time and made her look very average compared to her brothers. So it was an external and internal dislike of her inventions that led Candace to try to bust her brothers every time they built something new. But she always failed, leading to ridicule and worry from her mother.
"No! I want to ask Jeremy out on a date, a special date, a picnic date in our backyard." Candace explained.
"And WHY can't you?" Stacy asked, sitting beside her on the bed. Candace's room was pink, girly, with posters of musicians and bands like the Betty's who Stacy and Candace traveled with and even went on stage with and Tiny Cowboy who they were huge fans of. She also had a poster of the guy who invented hypnotism which Candace still had no idea of why she bought it. Candace took a deep breath.
"Because... I've never asked Jeremy on a picnic date before or at least not when it was a special occasion. Plus, I lack confidence." Candace said and then blushed. Stacy was definitely concerned... and puzzled.
"Does 'Trip around the world to my hometown and Paris" ring any bells Candace?" Stacy reminded in the slightly sarcastic way she did sometimes. She was talking about the time Candace, Phineas, Ferb, and their friends went on a trip across the globe to make the time lapse of a single summer day last... Ok I got lost at lapse, Stacy thought with a blank expression. Anyways, Candace had not only kissed Jeremy after the trip for the first time but she had been confident. So why had she just now lost it?
"Well I lost it... probably under the bed." Candace said looking under the bed for some kind of reassurance. Stacy smiled,
"Or is it something else?'
"Well I always fail to bust my brothers, do you think that makes me qualified to ask someone out on a date? Plus I'm so insecure and Suzy could answer the phone and all sorts of hullaballoo!" Candace exclaimed. Stacy thought for a minute on a suggestion she could give to Candace. After getting up and pacing around the room for a bit, which creeped out Candace, she had an idea.
"I've heard of this! Therapists use it to help build confidence and accomplish goals. You just use a practice dummy or person to help you." Stacy said rather vaguely in terms of how to do it.
"How do I use a dummy though?" Candace asked with an arm gesture.
"Well just pretend the dummy is Jeremy and ask him/her/it what you want to ask the real Jeremy. If you practice, it'll make your request to Jeremy sound natural and more charming." Stacy explained thoroughly. Candace seemed a bit excited but then her face fell a bit,
"But who can I use as a dummy?"
"Hmm... someone you know well. Like... your mom?"
"She thinks I'm going crazy, I don't need to give her any more proof." Candace replied flatly. Dragging your mom everywhere and screaming at the top of your lungs will lead to that assumption, Stacy thought with a giggle.
"Um... then how about your dad?"
"... Not really, it'd be awkward to do it with your dad."
"Jenny?"
"Busy with saving pigeons... say isn't she ALWAYS busy with saving pigeons or something when we need her?" Candace asked slightly irritated.
"It does seem like that... how about Suzy?" Candace nearly fainted at that suggestion. Suzy was AGAINST Candace big time, at least when Jeremy wasn't around. She had been nice that one time when the brothers built the falls but most of the time she tortured Candace. It was thanks to her that squirrels lost their appeal to Candace and became one of her greatest fears.
"NO. WAY." She replied genuinely terrified at the thought. She was getting frustrated with Stacy.
"Um... one of Phineas' friends?" Stacy asked putting her finger to her chin in thought.
"Buford's crude, Baljeet is a nerd, Irving's a stalker, and Isabella's already got a crush." Candace said as though it was common knowledge. Stacy seem a bit surprised.
"She does? Anyways... how about that one kid that Jenny knows? Django?"
"He helped Phineas and Ferb, try to focus Stacy! Right now you are blizzard cold!" Candace exclaimed angrily.
" Sheesh, ok, don't get so caught up in the moment. Then... Perry?" Stacy suggested trying to calm down the overhyped Candace. But that was what sent Candace on the warpath.
"Perry... PERRY? You mean my pet who isn't even around for the whole day? You MUST be joking, he is an ACTUAL dummy! It's absurd! Even Ducky Momo has more life than him! How could you suggest him?!" Candace was surprisingly passionate. Candace, at most, tolerated Perry and had been kind to him a few times but unlike the bond that the brothers had with him, she did not love him that much. She thought he was gross and a nuisance at times, especially when he kept sneaking into her room. Switching bodies with him that one occasion didn't improve things either. So in a way, Candace did not love Perry, or at least not as much as Perry would like.
Perry, by the way, had now became his super-heroic alter-ago. The secret agent of the O.W.A.C.A (Organization Without A Cool Acronym), Agent P! He was sneaking by Candace's room but she was shrieking now and Perry was wondering why Candace sounded so angry. He put his ear to the door to listen in. Of course, he definitely shouldn't have.
"I mean he's not even cute! He's just an awkward mix of beaver and duck! He SWEATS. MILK. I mean, he even eats insect larvae Stace! How much more disgusting can you get than that?! Oh and don't get me started on how he sneaks up to my bedroom! Besides, I never even get a chance to see him cause he's gone all day. Phineas and Ferb build lots of inventions for him but he never sticks around long enough to experience them. Like that dumb animal machine! Or the restaurant! They also don't ask him to partake in other inventions besides ones where he was required. I mean he's not even a true part of our family, he just sneaks around in the day and bothers us morning and night! It's so frustrating!" Candace continued to holler. Stacy was watching her with a disapproving expression though she did feel more forgiving when Candace talked about how Perry was never around most of the time. It was a known fact that as a secret agent, Perry had to go out on missions during the day and they took up most of the day so Perry would not reappear until late afternoon or somewhere around that time. I guess anyone could feel a little betrayed by that or at the very least neglected by their own pet, Stacy reasoned.
Perry on the other hand, felt like he had been torn apart by a scalpel and his heart was ripped out. What was most painful was the part about his appearance, his habits, his animal characteristics, and the fact that his daily disappearances were true. He had cared for his owners deeply, some more than others, so he was hurt by what Candace was saying. She was right that he sometimes didn't satisfy Phineas and Ferb's specific inventions for him or was asked to join in on most inventions that his wonderful owners made. He also disliked how Candace found him revolting and gross, it made him feel inferior and low. He often had to isolate himself from his owners to do his missions too and it always made him feel awful. And that time where my owners had to... He sighed sadly and went on all fours, a far more comfortable position, and walked with a sad face down the hall.
Finally recovering from her melodramatic diva tantrum, Candace heard the sigh and felt like she had awakened from a trance.
"Oh my gosh! Was that Perry?! Please tell me that was just... a bird?" Candace pleaded hopelessly. Stacy was now ready to give her opinion and so she put her hands on her hips and stated,
"Uh YEAH! Maybe if you weren't shouting like some church preacher you could've checked to see if someone was possibly listening in. I mean just because you lack confidence doesn't mean you can reduce someone else's confidence either." Stacy's statement was not only logical but also correct. Candace plunged her face into the pillow of her bed and began to sob.
"I know! I am a horrible person! I can't bring myself up without bringing others down! Why are you even talking to me?!" Candace uttered dismayed at herself. Stacy rolled her eyes at Candace's melodramatic behavior.
"Because your my best friend and I get you and you get me." Stacy replied as a matter of factly. Candace thought for a bit and calmed down. She then said something that made Stacy's eyes widen,
"Maybe my brothers can help me."
"That's the spirit girlfriend! By the way, next time you see Perry, give him waffles!" Stacy cheered with a wink. Candace laughed and asked,
"Waffles?"
"Well... I always wanted to say that for some reason. You must admit that "waffles" is a fun word to say." Stacy said. A few minutes later, the two best friend had descended down the stairs to the breakfast. Actually, Candace's descent was best described as a race down. She found Phineas and Ferb eating their cereal and then raced towards them and requested, panting out of breath,
"Phineas *huff* I need... *huff* you to make me more *huff* confident!" Fortunately for her, Phineas and Ferb had not come up with any ideas yet so Candace was also suggesting an idea to them. Phineas thought about it and then said the nine words that Candace wanted to hear most of all. At least, the words she wanted to hear for now.
"Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!" His cheerful voice rang out. Candace smiled and cried tears of happiness. Stacy gave her a thumbs up of support and Candace felt even happier.
"You guys are the best!" She exclaimed. But then Ferb said with his signature British accent that some described as attractive,
"Hey, where's Perry?" That instantly killed Candace's mood. She began to bawl pitifully and slammed her fists on the table and put her head down crying. Phineas and Ferb looked at Stacy with a raised eyebrow (Phineas actually, Ferb rarely did that) and Stacy just face-palmed.
Well my first attempt at a Phineas and Ferb fan-fiction. Heh-eh... Hopefully I do well with Phineas and Ferb as well as I do with Happy Tree Friends, because Phineas and Ferb is another one of my favorite cartoons and it just oozes potential for fan-fictions. Hopefully this story will be more kid-friendly than some of my other works. So please be nice to Moi's first attempt at Phineas and Ferb. What will Perry's first course of action after this be? What idea have Phineas and Ferb come up with to help Candace get her confidence back? Why did Stacy mention waffles? Find out next time on part 2! I take no ownership or copyright as all rights belong respectfully to Phineas and Ferb and Disney. ^_^