Chapter 1:

The wind radiated, the low hum of rustling leaves lifted at high velocities smothering the sounds of her agonizing screams. There was only crimson—crimson everything—stains merged from a laceration on her outer thigh, blood ran from the claw mark across her stomach. "Clarke," She heard Lexa saying sternly, "We have to keep moving." A wail died in her throat as she inspected the equally beaten, equally bloody commander. Lexa's black mask tainted her cheeks, but she did not cry—she did not cry like Clarke desperately wanted to.

She did counteract a precedent, though, which could be mistaken for weakness. It was inconsistent of Lexa to remain by her side when she perishing. The grounder could leave her to die without difficulty. Lexa could part company with her and get back home to treat her own wounds, but she stayed. She searched her face while Clarke heaved painfully. "I don't think I can make it, Lexa." Clarke groaned, her ivory hand soaked with her blood as she applied pressure to the wound, "You have a better chance without me."

Lexa frowned, extending her hand to Clarke. "Don't be foolish." Clarke reluctantly gripped her rough hand, rising with frequent painful gasps before Lexa wrapped her arm around her to give her the proper balance so she could walk back to camp.

It'd been three long weeks of trekking across the green planet with Lexa and their small, now deceased, pack of grounder warriors. She would carry the heavenly oceans and how the sun beamed to create sparkling waves with her until the last breath escaped her pink lips—that memory would be hers. She would also carry the way her fingers felt as they crunched and melted mountain-top snow with her body heat. Her tongue would remember how she tasted the local delicacies of the oceanic grounder tribes and she would remember how she enjoyed their multiple tales of what they imagined life was like before the war. But even with the good, even with the experience she gained from multiple leaders—there were bad events plaguing her mind.

The first casualty was a result of hypothermia, Lexa said it was his own fault but Clarke blamed herself because she knew all about hypothermia and the importance of keeping warm—how many times had she lectured her people on the subject? She had not quit compiling a body count in her head even if her leadership role seemed to dissipate as more time passed. The second grounder warrior was killed by the trap of an ally, Lexa also said it was his fault for not paying attention. It seemed as if the suffering had ended but the third warrior was mauled by a female panther two miles away from Camp Jaha. That's how Clarke was attacked—trying desperately to save his life while Lexa prompted her to leave him. She'd yelled sternly, "He's dead, Clarke, run!"

"Talk about something." Lexa told her, "Don't focus on your pain. You were sad when we left, why?"

"That was three weeks ago, it really—"

"Why?"

Clarke sighed, "Bellamy and I shared a moment." Her voice was surprisingly nervous underneath the heavy breathing. "He kissed—we kissed. I know what you're going to say…love or whatever the hell that was is weakness. I understand. I know what it is."

"You forget I loved once." Lexa told her, side-glancing with furrowed eyebrows. "Love is a weakness…yes, it makes leaders vulnerable. It makes it easy to harm those with power. That does not mean love is evil and not something that deserves to be felt…although, most would say love demands to be felt."

Clarke frowned as if her mind wasn't constantly mesmerized by the memory of his lips upon hers right before she announced she was leaving with Lexa. He was pissed—he walked away. They never had the chance to talk about it because she was gone by morning. Honestly, it could be one of the reasons she attempted to extend the trip. "We are two very different people."

"Not as different as you pretend to be." Lexa said as they reached lower ground. "If you do not return his feelings, then tell him. Your partnership is too valuable to be subject to distrust and unfair torture."

"Unfair torture seems like an understated oxymoron." Clarke winced but she had to admit that her body was going numb, "It's not that I don't feel for Bellamy…I do….but what if it's not genuine. What if it's about opportunity? I have to think logically and logically I know that Bellamy has a history of unromantic, sexual relationships."

Lexa nodded, "Logic is reliable. Emotions are not."

"What if I destroy everything?"

"Then everything is destroyed and you rebuild. If nuclear weapons could not end the world, your relationship with Bellamy, whatever state it is in, certainly will not. I believe you are a strong person by yourself but every strong person needs a…" Lexa pursed her lips for a moment and Clarke knew her mind was drifting towards Gustus. "…person by their side to keep their head above whatever. Whether you choose to make that person a significant other is your business but the choice to proceed with the person that protects your life at the cost of his own should not be taken lightly. There will be consequences if your relationship fails…not detrimental but still, consequences."

"I'm unsure of how I want to take…"

"Clarke?" Lexa said, her voice softer. "You have to keep talking."

"…I don't want to disappoint, Lexa. I don't want to fail. I don't want to be weak…"

"Life is about sacrifice."

Clarke started to close her eyes and for the first time in a long time, Lexa felt panic running through her entire body. Her steps seemed to fall quicker, harder into the ground as she moved towards the Sky people's camp. Clarke was still breathing—it wasn't what she wanted, but it was better than the alternative.

Lexa felt like she was going to collapse before the electric fence by the time she reached it. She did not want to voice her concern, she did not want them to hear her weakness for Clarke. She passed her to the first person that offered to take her and stood shaking—"Be strong." She repeated Gustus' words in her head before she felt obligated to follow after Clarke. She did not trust the sky people. They were fools—who has a leader as great as Clarke and demotes her? Arrogant fools.

"What the hell happened?" Abby Griffin directed her question to Lexa. Lexa moved her eyes upward to meet the doctors.

Lexa was expecting the question from another. "Where is Bellamy?"

"What does Bellamy matter? What happened to my daughter?"

"Clearly she was attacked by an animal." Lexa said, "I thought you were educated. I do not have time for questions. Fix her." It was not until she was finished ordering the doctor around that she realized she was speaking as if Clarke was part of her people rather than a member of the sky people. She exhaled, "Panthers."

"Bellamy is in his tent with his girlfriend."

Lexa widened her eyes, "Well then…" Clarke was not going to be happy when she woke up. The pain would be bearable but a broken heart—that would be rough on her. The wheels were already turning in Lexa's head as she thought of plans to embark on another journey and another until Clarke was as strong as she was. The more distance between the people one cares about—the colder they will get and soon that compassion will freeze like Lexa's heart.

But could Lexa really say that her heart was frozen as she stared down at her friend?

Was that ice she felt in her chest or was it a warmth she was not familiar with?