OK, so this was written for the Inheritance fic exchange forum, at the request of Jellyjay. Be warned of the CRACK and the PRATCHETT INFLUENCES.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.
Mediation
"So, what are we doing here again?"
"She wanted us to have time to 'get to know each other'" It was amazing how the speaker was able to drop inverted commas without having to revert to using his fingers.
"But we do know each other! I mean, I hate you and all, because you stole my sword, and made me think you were dead, and you killed that poor innocent slave trader--" here a dragon chuckle filled their heads "--shut up, Saphira, but we do know each other. I mean, we've seen each other half-naked!"
A sigh. "I forgot that you were the Awsum Spechul self-insert who ogles scary old elves. Look, brother, just because you saw my chest and I saw yours does not in any way imply that we 'know' each other."
A new voice joined the conversation. "Boys, boys. Upstairs brain, please."
"He started it!"
I don't care who started it. All I know is that the tea is getting cold."
"Tea?! I'll have you know that I was told we could have mead!"
"Mead is bad. Tea is good." The voice was clean and prim, but behind the neatness you could hear the mind slowly unhingeing.
"Oh, gods."
"Now, come on. I want us all to hold hands. That's right! Murtagh, Zar'roc does not count as a hand. Do this properly. Good. Eragon, his hand will not bite you. Now. I want you to take turns and say why this rift has grown between you."
Silence.
"Boys." You could practically hear her skull filling with fairies and rainbows. "Eragon, you can go first."
Another silence.
"Oh, fine! Hemademefeellilkeandidiot. Andhestolemysword."
"Sorry, didn't quite catch that!"
"I said, he made me feel like an idiot. And he stole my sword."
"That was rightfully my sword!"
"Maybe so, but I had it first!"
"Boys! Now, Murtagh, I want you to hug Eragon and apologise to him."
"What?"
"You heard me. You made him feel like and idiot. Go apologise."
"No." There was a rush of air.
"Murtagh? Don't hide! Come out and hug your brother."
Crickets.
"Arya, I don't think he's coming out anytime soon."
"But I went to so much trouble to get you two together! And I made the tea all by myself!" The fairies had found a home. And they weren't going to leave.
"Arya, I think you need to get help..."
Murtagh sneezed. And silently cursed himself for hiding in the closet Islanzadi used to store her feather cloaks.
Finis