I could hear him let himself in, and I could tell when he approached me, as I could feel his eye staring at the back of my head.
"You don't have to worry Kakashi, I'm fine. Go back to the damn hospital." I said rather harshly, raising another glass to my lips.
He moved closer and grabbed my wrist, preventing me from taking another sip.
"No. I'm not leaving you. This isn't you. The Noa I know can barely down a half glass of sake." he argued.
"So what?" I shot back. "I've gotten a better tolerance now. That's normal." I said jerking out of his grasp.
"But not for you. Your eyes are dull, you're losing all your strength. Everyone's worried; even holding your wrist makes me feel as if I could break it." His onyx eye pierced mine. "Just tell me whats going on.", he ordered me.
"It would be pointless for me to even try." I retorted, putting down the glass next to the other empty bottles. I got up and walked over to my mirror, and started brushing my hair. I could feel the strands break under the brush.
"I just need sleep, maybe a good meal, whatever. I've been working a lot. The drinks are just to help me relax." I murmured quietly. Just enough to dull the pain
Before I could react, Kakashi had grabbed me and pinned me down on my bed, him on all fours over me.
"What are you doing, Kakashi?! Get off!" I yelled, trying to shake him off, to no avail.
"One last chance. I don't want to hurt you." he whispered in a deadly tone.
"Then don't." I pleaded, my eyes wide.
He sighed, and then raised his headband from over his eye. "Wait, Kakashi...what are...you doing?" I stammered, struggling against his iron grip. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I need Noa, my Noa, back." His sharingan pierced my mind, and everything became black.
"Noa, Noa! Wake up! Noa…" I could feel his hands on my shoulders, shaking me awake. My eyes fluttered open. I was still in my bed. Kakashi was over me, sweat dripping off his forehead and dripping onto mine. I could feel tears falling from my eyes.
"Noa, I-" he started.
"Just stop, Kakashi! Just...stop." I was full out crying now. He had gone into my mind, traveling through my memories, invading it. He saw how I had tormented myself, yelling and screaming silently, keeping it in. He saw how I felt about myself, how I just wasn't good enough. But most importantly, he had seen seen how I look and him, and how I felt toward him.
I was scared. I don't know why; I thought I would be pounding him by now for violating my only sacred place, but I could only shake.
Kakashi raised me up and I pushed off him. I slouched against the wall and stared at him, angst in my eyes.
"Noa, Let me-"
"NO!" I shrieked at him.
He flinched back, but then began walking toward me, the sunset's rays against his face. I slid down the closer he came.
"You know now...You know the truth. So you get it, that's it." My words slurred as I trembled.
He crouched down in front of me, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him.
"You've harbored these feeling for too long. You need to let it out."
I tried to fight my trembling lips. I really did. But...
I broke, sobbing against his chest until the sun went down. My hands clenched into fist and he let me hit him to release all the built up emotion.
"I...I failed! I failed my squad! I should have been ready for this! I...I let my teammates down! I WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH! screaming into his shoulder. He only held me tighter.
"That's not all, keep going." he whispered.
My punches got slower and weaker. I put my hands to his stomach, where the scar was.
"…You and everyone else almost got killed! and I couldn't do a damn thing about it! You got hurt. I thought I was going to lose you because I couldn't do anything! I DID EVERYTHING I FUCKING COULD BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH!" I cried.
Kakashi nudged me off him and looked me in the eye.
"You didn't fail; we did what we could. Even Anbu can't do everything. You did what anyone would have done-"
"But at what cost?!" I fumed back at him. "Kenji's in a coma, we don't even know if Tenzō's gonna make it! and you, you shouldn't even be here!"
"I'm fine. I'm here, right now, making you get this out of your system. I saw inside you; this isn't even you anymore, I know the real you. You've always been here for me, you helped me back when there was a war out there as well as inside myself. I lost everyone, everyone except you. I couldn't have gotten anywhere without you next to me."
I could feel my insides churning. He was the still the man I had first come to love, first to care deeply about, first to make me want to throw my life on the line for. I gripped his shirt and buried my head in his lap again.
"I have loved you for so long Kakashi Hatake. I love you so much that I tried to let you go, so it wouldn't hurt when something happened." I croaked out. I didn't care anymore. Let him think what he wants.
I continued, "I tried to deny it... You are my best friend Kakashi. You deserve so much more than I can offer, but I can't-"
"Don't" he whispered, looking down at me.
I looked up at him in a daze. I met sharp eyes.
"Don't ever degrade yourself like that again. You mean too much to me to let you continue on like this." He grasp my hands around his, making my tiny fingers look like a child's.
"Come out of the shadows Noa, because I'm waiting for you on the other side." He pulled down his mask and pushed his lips tenderly against mine. My eyes were wide in shock, but I returned the affection. It felt so....right. I wrapped my arms around his neck, entangling my fingers in his messy silver hair. He pulled me up onto his hips, and I latched my legs around him. He brought me over to my bed and lowed me down so he was over me again. At this point, I could almost see the silver lining.
but this time in not the clouds, I thought to myself.
We finally broke apart, panting. Kakashi leaned his forehead against mine and breathed,
"I'm never letting you go. Not now, not ever. I love you Noa. I love you so much that I can't handle it. " he murmured, nipping my ear
"Kakashi…" I groaned.
"Come back to me Noa. You are coming out of the dark with me anyways, whether you like it or not, so just please, please...I need you." he replied with a certain agony in his voice.
The alcohol was taking it's toll, and I felt like I was falling. But now, I had someone to catch me.
I pulled him down with me and snuggled into his chest, having his arms drape over me.
"I need you too, Kakashi..."