ChiChi Goes To Jerry
Authors note: The beeps aren't because I'm afraid to type in cuss words. It's to re enact the Springer show. I love it…but I prefer it
uncut. Sorry for those who can't completely tell what's being said at times.
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" The crowd chorused. "Hello everyone. I'm Jerry Springer. Today's show is 'Shocking Affairs'. First on is
this lovely lady, Son ChiChi. Don't let her name fool you- she's no transvestite! Ha ha! Well, ChiChi, what's the problem?" Jerry
said. ChiChi shifted nervously in her chair. "Well, Jerry…I'm here to confess to my husband…that I had an affair." She replied. Jerry
nodded. "Ok, your husband, Son Goku, is back stage- not hearing a word. Let's bring him out." Jerry said. The crowd began
clapping and Goku came out on stage. "Hello, Goku." Jerry greeted. "Hiya!" Goku replied. "Well, Goku. What're your thoughts of
being on the Springer show?" Jerry asked. Goku looked into the crowd. "Well," he began, "I enjoy the attention…but it bothers me
that my wife has a secret she's kept from me." He finished as he gave a quick glance to ChiChi. "Ok, ChiChi, tell Goku why he's
here." Jerry told the couple. ChiChi grabbed Goku's hand, "Goku…I…I had an affair a few years back…"ChiChi said. Goku
jumped up, "What! How could you ChiChi!" he exclaimed. "Classic Springer…" Jerry said quietly. ChiChi had tears in her eyes,
"I'm so sorry, Goku!" She screamed, "I was pulled into temptation! I'm sorry!" Goku looked deep into ChiChi's eyes, "I can't
believe you…Tell me…with whom. Who did you screw, ChiChi!" he yelled. ChiChi began crying, "Piccolo!" She screamed. "Bet
that's not the only time she's yelled that." Jerry said as the crowd chuckled. Goku flipped over his chair, "Piccolo! You said you
hated him! ChiChi! That's my best friend!" Jerry looked at the troubled couple, "ChiChi…isn't there something else you'd like to tell
Goku?" he asked. Goku growled. ChiChi looked down at her feet, "Gohan's not your child." She said quietly.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT!" Goku screamed. "Ok, let's bring out Piccolo." Jerry announced. Piccolo came out and the crowd booed.
"Yo, yo! What the beeb is up wit' dat! Ya'll dissin' me! I'll pop a cap up yo' beep Piccolo shouted. Goku ran up and knocked
Piccolo down. "What the hell, man! Why'd you beep ChiChi you beepity beeb beep beep!" Goku shouted. "Ay, man. Don't be
hatin' me 'cuz yo wife wanted some REAL action!" Piccolo said. Goku growled, "I bet you raped her!" he screamed. "Whoa, whoa,
whoa!" Piccolo said, "I've NEVER raped anyone! Yo wife came ta me! Not to mention laugh she was tellin' me what a lame "lova"
you were! How you only half ass do stuff. And about how…evil grin yo lil beep don't make her scream in pleasure- but how she's
frightened it might get swallowed!" Piccolo said and began hysterically laughing, along with the crowd. Goku turned red, "Oh yeah- I
bet you're even smaller you beep" he insulted, lamely. Piccolo grinned and stretched his arm out and touched the back wall of the
studio, "I can be any size I please." He said and retracted his arm. A few ladies in the crowd screamed in excitement and shouted
Piccolo's name. Piccolo winked at them and licked his lips, "After the show" he mouthed to them. Goku jumped onto Piccolo and
began fighting. "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!" The crowd began to chant as security guards pulled the two men away from each other. "Ok, ok.
This isn't the extent of our show. We still have one more twisted secret." Jerry announced. "Let's bring out- Gohan!" The crowd
began clapping as Gohan (A 13 year old mind you) walked out. "Ok, Gohan. Tell us what you want to get off your chest." Jerry said.
Gohan took a deep sigh, "I'm sorry, but Mr. Piccolo and I have been sleeping with each other for three years now." Gohan said. The
crowd gasped. Goku and ChiChi went silent. Goku began to twitch violently with images burned in his mind. ChiChi began to shake.
Goku stood up, "It seems as if this is confession hour. So I guess I may as well say it. I, too, have been sleeping with Piccolo." He
said proudly. The crowd roared. ChiChi's face was red with anger. "Whoa…this family is screwed up." Jerry said. "I can't take this
anymore!" ChiChi screamed, "My husband has been having an affair with the same man as me and my own son is being gay/incest
with also the same man! This is CRAZY!" ChiChi pulled a frying pan out of nowhere. "Beep beep beep beeping hell! You beep beep
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" ChiChi screamed as she violently swung around the frying pan, smacking
a few security guards. "We'll have to beep everything she says!" Jerry said. "Wow, ChiChi, you're getting violent." Goku said.
"Don't talk to me you beep! I'm gonna teach you ALL a lesson!" ChiChi snapped as she began swinging her pan at the three guys.
Steve (security) tried to pull her off of them, but she knocked him too. ChiChi glared at Piccolo, "I trusted you- You Beeeep!" She
cried. "I'm just a pimp." Piccolo said calmly just before she slammed her frying pan flat on his face. Security finally calmed her down
and the four sat on chairs fairly good distance away from each other. "Ok, audience. Feed back." Jerry said, "Let's see who we can
piss of thoroughly today." Jerry went to a lady that had a yellow skirt on, "Yeah, this is for the green man. Who are you going to leave
with?" She asked. Piccolo shook his head, "You think I'm leavin' with any of these freaks! Tch. They were just booty calls." Piccolo
answered. Jerry then went to a blonde. She had a short blue jean skirt on and a belly shirt. "This is also for the green man. Wanna go
home with me, sexy?" She asked. Piccolo smiled, "Yeah, babe. I wouldn't mind sharing my lizard with you." He said. The girl
blushed and blew him a kiss. Next, a fat man stood, "This is for the lady. Why go to some green slut? You could come to a real man
like me." He said. "Shove it up your ass! I had an affair with an alien- I'm not interested in pigs." ChiChi said. The crowd laughed and
the man sat, insulted. A guy in a cowboy suit stood next, "Yeah, this is for Gooku…Guko…whatever his name is. You know, you're
pretty sexy. Wanna give me a ride?' he asked. "Um…no." Goku said. Another girl stood up, "This is for the little boy. Honey, your
parents are weird. But you shouldn't have followed their actions. You should change your ways and become a successful man." She
said. "Who are you calling weird!" Goku and ChiChi shouted. "I know Ima freak! You should try it sometime." Piccolo said and
quickly flickered his tongue in and out of his mouth. "Uh…are you asking me to go out with you?" Gohan asked the girl. "What? Oh
Honey, no! You're just a child!" The girl said, laughing. "Dammit! How come everyone else got asked! I wanna get laid!" Gohan
shouted. "Uhh…Ok then. Well that's all for today." Jerry said. "Take thought on this. If your love for someone has burned out, tell
the other person. You shouldn't screw minors, and you shouldn't be a whore like Piccolo. Until next time, take care of yourself. And
each other." Jerry ended the show.
Jan. 9, 2006
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