AN: Okay so this is my first story, so be kind :) R&R, okay, please? It's an AU so some bits aren't the same as the book, but thats why it's an ALTERNATE universe duh, and there will be ANGST and CUTTING. I'm 100% Team Edward so I'm anti-Jacob. Don't like then DON'T READ. Pls don't flame, okay?
UGH! I had to repost cos some total IDIOT is flaming me and my friends so I'm reposting the story to get rid of their flames okay? Sorry to everyone. I'll keep updating.
I was upset at having to move all the way to Washington, but it was for the best way, it was the only way we, as a family, could escape from Carlisle. But I don't like thinking about that, every time I do I feel the scars on my arms itching, and I want to do that again. I breathed deeply and suppressed the urge. It was the first day at my new school and I had to try and fit in. Not that it was going to be easy anyway, as I had a feeling that they didn't see many Goths in Forks. I was dressed head-to-toe in black: black combat boots grew effortlessly into black jeans and I was wearing my favourite My Chemical Romance t-shirt too. The brightest thing about me was my belt. The metal studs shone in a hard line around my waist, cutting me in two like a circle of steel. I suddenly wished I wasn't wearing it. It showed everyone I was broken, that I wasn't whole and normal like them.
Normally I would have had my brothers and sisters around me for support. We're not related by blood, we were actually all adopted, but we grew up together and are just as close. They say blood is thicker than water but I don't think so, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet, Alice and I are usually together. More so since... what had happened. Now they were absent, and I both hated and loved being isolated. We were all taking different classes, so I was making my way through the halls alone. I was half afraid I would get lost, but I managed to find most of my classes okay. Still, the other kids kept staring at me. Just as I had thought, they were all pretty preppy, and I was alien to them, a new species to be examined carefully. Talked about, discussed, evaluated cautiously.
It was at lunchtime that everything changed. I sat down carefully at a table with some people I recognised from my English class, although I couldn't really remember their names. I knew for sure I was sat between a geeky kid called Eric and a dark haired girl called Angela, but I wasn't listening to their conversation. I could tell already that they wouldn't relate to me, and of course the other guys were alarmed by the dark kohl eyeliner that was ringing the golden-amber orbs of my eyes.
But suddenly all the worry, the paranoia, the fear, that had been fogging my head like the perpetual mist that encircled Forks, was brushed aside and I became entirely focused. My world shrank to one point, a tiny bubble concentrated on the figure that had just entered the lunchroom.
Her hair was a shimmering waterfall of chocolate silk that rippled in response to the graceful, delicate movements of her lithe and utterly perfect body. Her skin was pale as chalk and utterly smooth, flawless, no gentle hint of rose bloomed upon the curve of her cheek. As she walked across the room I couldn't help but stare, stare at this impossible ethereal creature too beautiful to exist in this life, or even the next.
Mike noticed my fixed gaze. "Yeah," he said. "She's hot. That's Bella Swan. Don't even think about it though, she's too good for any of us. Doesn't date anyone in the school" He sniffed; a clear case of sour grapes. "Maybe you'll have better luck though. I mean, she's like you, isn't she."
My heart leapt as I noticed that Bella Swan was a Goth just like me. She was wearing a black mini skirt that drew my eye to her long luscious legs encased in delicate fishnets, rounded off in heavy black combat boots similar to my own. When she turned to look at me I saw she was wearing a Mutant Zombie Foetus tee (AN: This is my friends' band, they're really good so check them out! Love you ToTo & Samu teehee) and a studded choker. Her gaze pinned me to my chair; it was like she was trying to read my mind, and I felt my heart stop for a second.
I hardly ate anything at lunch. I was painfully aware of Bella sitting just a few short metres from me, but in my science class the situation got even worse. I walked into the classroom and the teacher stared at me like I was some kind of dangerous alien.
"Err... why don't you take a seat next to Miss Swan, Edward?" he stuttered ridiculously. My heart skipped a beat as I slid onto the stool next to Bella.
"Hi," I attempted, feeling all my emotions catch in my throat. They shattered right before me, becoming thousands of invisible shards that pierced me to my dark core as Bella recoiled. She pressed a hand to her mouth and looked at me with blackened angry eyes of steel. She didn't speak for the rest of the class, and sprinted away from me without a second glance when the bell sounded, an accompaniment to the staccato beat of my anguished heart and the chagrin that filled my very soul.
As I ran from the classroom choking back tears I didn't even understand, I knocked into somebody outside and fell to the floor. I looked up at a broad dark skinned boy wearing a football jersey. I'm a pretty tall guy but I felt so small at that moment that he towered over me. He grabbed me by my collar and slammed me against the wall.
"Chasing after Bella, were you?" he asked, his voice full of growling malice that chilled me even further. "She's mine you understand me?" The growl intensified, he sounded almost animal.
"I just want to leave!" I whispered at this jock, knowing that he probably hated the way I dressed more than anything. He stared at me with limpid whirlpools of deep freezing hate.
"Shut up you freak! Stay away from Bella, or pay the consequences." He dropped me to the floor again and I landed like a miserable bird with broken wings. "You can call me Jacob," added the fiend. "And you'd better learn what's mine around here."
I crawled home that day more miserable than when we'd still been living with Carlisle. Great first day at school Edward I thought to myself. In black moods like this I always start to remember what he did to me. I thought of Carlisle's disgusting smirk and his hands on me. He seemed so charming to everyone on the outside of the family, but he became the demon that haunted my waking nightmares. I walked into the bathroom and reached behind the mirror there. I brought out my razor from where I had hidden it. I pressed the cool declicous metal edge to my arm and saw the skin turn pale under the pressure. Pale like Bella's beautiful incandescence. Then I sliced and saw the scarlet run out, pooling on my wrist and dripping slowly into the sink like fine dark wine, the red of dark cherries and anger, lost innocence. The pain made me real, made me whole.
I dreamt of Bella that night.
Okay so what did you think? I want reviews pleeeeease! Don't just read, okay!!? And some words are different because I'm from England and we don't spell like Americans, okay?? The next chapter will be really good I promise!
xXforbiddenlongingXx