A boy wakes up in a darkened room, a thunder in his mind and broken glass in his heart. He wonders and reckons why he feels a hollow hole in his chest and why his eyes feel heavy and he remembers. He remembers how shallow and concrete his words have been. He remembers how harsh his voice sounded. He remembers how she looked so pale and vulnerable, as if a word could make her crumple instantly. He remembers how she tried to make him stop and how she had begged for him to stay. He wishes he had. He wishes he could've hugged her and kissed every part of her and tell her he loved her.
But he didn't.
Instead, he ignored her. He made her feel like crap to push her away because he can't bear for her to get more attached to him. No, he can't. Because knows he will leave her. Because His world is a lie, it's what it's made up of. He's repeated them, and said them so confidently that he actually believes them now. He wasn't a believer of fairytales and soul mates and happy endings, and that was what it felt like when he was with her. She made him forget how ruthless, worthless and cold he was. She mended every single one of his negative traits into positive ones. She made him feel alive and deserving. And she was gone. As soon as the truth sunk in, He let out a ground breaking scream while a new batch of warm tears rolled down his eyes to his cheek down to his neck. He screamed and screamed until his throat was dry. He collapsed onto his bed, staring blankly at the immaculate white ceiling. She was gone. Gone. Gone. Oh, how he wished it was a lie. How he wished to feel the warmth of her body against his own. How he wished for her to be there.
Do you see what you're doing?
You're pushing her away and you're going to make her give up and you're going to hate yourself when she does.
Let her know how beautiful she is, and don't ever give her a reason to leave.
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