nori is one of my favorite dwarrows and sometimes i wonder how the story would be different if bilbo was a lady
mixed with all the gr8 adventures that nori must have had and the fact that bilbo needed burglar training, i give you something to read
also stemmed from the fact that if i continue this, it will just end up being little nori/fem!bilbo/dori snapshots oops i love polyamory
It started with a rosebush, stolen silver, and a very disgruntled hobbit.
The Shire was a lovely place, really- everyone was quite kind and no one ever locked their doors at night. And it was convenient, too, practically the Blue Mountain's doormat. Whenever Nori passed through, he never left with empty pockets.
So it came as quite the surprise when, pilfering through drawers of some rather fine silverware, an ungodly shriek rang through the homely smial that he had snuck into. There, in the hallway- a hobbit woman in her nightgown, looking rather scandalized as she held a flickering candle aloft in her right hand.
By the time she could grab her (rather formidable-looking) umbrella, Nori had already scrambled out an open window and was running down the dirt path as fast as his feet could take him.
What resulted was a long, noisy chase from one end of Hobbiton to the other, a lady in a bonnet and dressing gown waving an umbrella and screaming loud enough to wake the dead as she chased a dwarf (with pockets full of forks and spoons) down the way. Rather absently, Nori noticed light filcker behind the windows of burrows they passed, even a few head peaking out from behind doors and curtains to see what all the racket was about. But no one stopped him, and by the time that he flipped himself over a fence and into a thorny bush of sweet-smelling roses, the thief had been far enough ahead that his pursuer hadn't seen which way he'd gone.
Instead of going home, though, she threw open the gate and marched right up to the round green door, passing the very bush that Nori was hiding in. He held his breath as she passed, as she pounded on the door and waited impatiently, her arms crossed and foot tapping against the cobbles. It took a moment, but light flooded the small yard and someone yawned out a drowsy, "Lobelia?"
"There was a burglar," snapped out Nori's banshee of a victim, Lobelia. "He was going through my drawers, picking at Otho's mother's finest silver!"
There was a short pause and Nori shifted, wincing as thorns dug into his skin at an even more uncomfortable angle and tore at any bits of flesh they could get at. "No, I haven't seen anyone come by this way," said the mysterious hobbit, and Lobelia gave a wordless huff of irritation (or indignation; he truly couldn't tell). There was another silent moment as her steps receded down the way, but the light didn't disappear.
Instead, there was the quiet padding of large hobbit feet getting closer, and Nori tensed almost unconsciously, running over any and all plans of escape that he could muster on such short notice in his head. The leaved above him parted and he peered up, gray eyes meeting honey-brown.
"Well," said the hobbit, giving a long-suffering sigh. "I suppose you better come inside. It wouldn't do for Hamfast to find you bled out in his favorite roses."