"Soul!," Blackstar tried to pick him up. " I can't pick you up." The demon walked toward Soul.
"He thinks you're fat Soul, listen to him." Soul knew this. The demon has said this for a while. Soul has started to believe it. The things it said to him.
"Soul, you're almost a death scythe, you can't look fat."
"Listen to me, I'll make sure you become thin."
"Just vomit already."
"You know our saying: ' nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
"Maka wields me with no problem." Kid started powering up. Soul changed back.
"Execution mode."
"Ready." Liz said.
"3"
"2"
"1"
"Ready to fire."
"Death Cannon." Kid fired, and Soul flew back 10 feet. Then all of a sudden kid collapsed.
"Does that mean we win?" Stein shrugged.
"sure." Soul and Blackstar hi-fived. Soul then weakly smiled. He ran into the academy; Into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror.
"Soul, if you want to be happy, then make the demon happy, and lose weight, lots of it." He went into a stall, and cried.
"Where's Soul?" Stein asked Maka.
"He's in the bathroom." Stein looked puzzled.
"He's been in there for hours." Stein looked for Soul. He found Soul in one of the stalls.
"Soul what're you doing here." Soul buried his face.
"I was going to the bathroom." Stein knelt, and lifted Soul's chin.
"2 hours is to long to go to the bathroom, what were you really doing," Stein saw Soul's eyes, they were puffy and red.
"were you crying?" Soul nodded. He let a tear fall onto Stein's jacket.
"I want to be alone." Stein shook his head.
"You must go back Soul." Soul wiped his face, and went back. He sat next to Maka.
"where were you Soul?"
"the bathroom." Maka looked at him.
"No what were you doing." Soul said nothing till the end of class. As he walked out; Stein pulled his collar, and locked the door.
"what were you really doing, be honest." Soul sighed.
"I was looking in the mirror," Stein tapped his foot. "And I hated it."
"Why were you crying in a bathroom stall?" Soul looked away.
"I did it," Soul turned around. "I stuck my fingers down my throat."
"Thank you for being honest." Stein dismissed Soul.
Ch.2 The Decline:
Soul walked home slowly, thinking about how good it felt to purge his body. He knocked on the door.
"Hey soul." Maka smiled. Soul just ran to his room. He rocked back and forth, again and again. Maka knocked on his door.
"Soul, you ok?" he just locked his door. Maka sighed, and just sat in the living room. Soul went into the bathroom, and locked that door too. He stepped on the scale.
"119, too much." Soul stepped off the scale. At dinner he shifted his food around.
"Aren't you gonna eat?" Soul shook his head.
"Not hungry." He stood up, and cleaned his plate. He ran up to his room. Maka didn't know what to do. Soul started tapping, then sit-ups. Soon Soul went to bed. Maka decided to sleep. The alarm went off. Soul got up, and sat on the side of his bed.
"Damn, Maka's in the bathroom." Soul got up, and ran his fingers along his chest.
"the ribs, there's not enough of them." Soul got dressed, and ran downstairs. Soul grabbed a cereal bar, and ran outside. Maka caught up to Soul.
"Hey, aren't you gonna eat that?" Soul nodded. They arrived at school, and Soul unwrapped his breakfast, and ate it. Stein was playing with his screw.
"we have an exam coming up in the next week so I'll be reviewing materials." Soul groaned. Stein jabbered till lunch, and Soul didn't run like the rest. Kid watched him come in.
"Hello Soul, you're a little late." Soul nodded.
"I didn't really feel up to it today." Kid finished straightening.
"Oh, well that's ok." When lunch had finished Soul had a single roll of bread. He ran to the bathroom.
"I'm not good enough, not even for my demon." He went into a stall, and wretched again, he vomited. Kid came in as Soul was washing his mouth.
"Hey Soul, uh… what were you doing in there?"
"huh.. oh uh nothing." Soul continued washing his mouth. Soul soon ran to catch up with kid. They came in right on time. Stein continued going over the material. Stein dismissed the class after a while, and all of them went home. Soul was studying hard when he got home he studied, he studied through dinner, and all the way to bed. About 3 days later Soul woke up at 3 in the morning. He felt an urge. He walked down and ate, he just ate for maybe 2 hours. Soul got up, and realized what he had done. He ran to the bathroom, and vomited till he saw blood. Then he ran up, and down the stairs. Maka fell asleep on the couch again. At around 6:15 he went back to bed. Maka woke Soul up.
"Wake up Soul. Soul went to the bathroom, and stepped on the scale.
"118, just one pound, you're such an idiot." He shifted his food, and cut it up. He ate about half his breakfast. They went to school on Soul's bike. Stein taught class, Soul ate nothing at lunch, and if he did he'd vomit. Soul went home, and had no dinner, or a little dinner. This went on for months 116, 113, 108, 105, 100, 99, 97, 95. His weight was dropping rapidly. Maka still didn't see through his games. Stein stared at him weirdly, but no one knew anything. Kid was the only one who noticed something. Soul was in his room again, raising his heels up and down. Maka worried. Soul waited till Maka was in bed. He then went to the kitchen. He didn't want to but he had too. He had too. He ate and ate, then ran to the bathroom and vomited till he saw blood. He ran the stairs again. Soul ran to his room at 5:57. He passed out on the floor. Maka woke him 30 minutes later.
"Hey, Soul."
"Hey Maka." Maka came closer.
"Soul, are you really ok." Soul shrugged.
"Yeah," He sat up on the floor. She lifted his arm.
"Look, there's only bone." Soul shook his head.
"Can't you feel the fat there?" Maka shook her head.
"If you keep this up, you may kill yourself."
"Let me die, then see who cares."
"Soul, I care." Soul stood up. Then Maka walked out. Soul went to weigh himself.
"94." You're still so far away from the goal." Maka asked him questions on the way to school, but Soul lied on them all.
"How are you?"
"Why would you do this?"
"How much do you weigh, Soul." He looked her in the eye.
"109 lbs." Maka looked skeptical.
"Is that the truth." Soul nodded. They soon arrived at school, and it was a normal day. Until lunch.
"Soul, just eat the damn food." Kid walked in right then.
"Hey, uh what's going on?"
"Soul won't eat ever," Maka shed a tear. "I've tried so often to make him eat, but he just doesn't do it, and if he does, he barfs it all up." Soul had eaten a slice of pizza in that time, but he quickly ran to the bathroom. He coughed wretched, and then vomited. He walked out. He hit himself because of that.
"Never again Soul." He walked out. The school day went normal, and Soul slept normally. The next day was a Saturday, and Blackstar invited them to basketball. It was the beginning of April ,and it was warm. They played for a while, and Soul was starting to feel dizzy. He sat down.
"Hey Soul, what's wrong." Tsubaki asked.
"I feel sick."
"Just rest on this bench." Soul nodded. He watched as they finished their game. It soon became time for dinner.
"You can go home if you feel sick." Soul went home. He sat in the kitchen, but felt no urge to eat. Maka came home a while later. She sat on the couch reading the mail. There was a knock on the door.
"I got it." Maka opened the door.
"Uh, hey Maka." Maka stood there.
"Oh hey Kid, what's wrong." Kid looked at Soul in the kitchen
"I wanted to know how Soul's doing." Soul stood up.
"I'm fine, and I'll be in my room Maka." Maka stopped him.
"Please go to bed, it's quite late."
"Yeah, Yeah." Soul walked to his room.
"So how is he?" Maka invited Kid inside.
"He's been getting worse everyday." Maka felt a tear run down her cheek. Kid put a hand on Maka's shoulder.
"We'll help him, somehow," Maka nodded. 'Now I must go, sorry." Maka walked up, and got ready for bed. Maka went to bed. Soul waited until she was asleep. He walked to the kitchen.
"I hate you for this." He told himself, and started eating. He finished about 3 hours later. He ran to the bathroom, and wretched, coughed, and coughed. He vomited. Soul went back to his room. He did his running until 6. He felt tired, really tired. He went back to bed, and slept. He slept till Maka awoke him the next day. Soul went to weigh himself again.
"93 is too much." Soul shook his head, and ate the half of his breakfast like he always did. Soul drove Maka on his bike. They walked inside. As they approached the classroom they heard Stein talking.
"We can't do that just yet." Soul was leaning on the door.
"Have you seen him, a bag of bones I tell you."
" I know Marie."
"Stein, you don't understand."
"I'm sure I do."
"Soul has a problem, a deadly one."
"Soul maybe does, but we can't tell."
"we'll talk to Soul later, and find out." Soul then heard footsteps, Marie was coming out. Soul hid from her. Stein posted a "Class cancelled" sign on the door. Maka came back from the bathroom.
"Sorry, I couldn't hold it," She saw the sign. "Seriously." Soul walked to Blackstar and the rest.
"Hey, class is cancelled." Blackstar cheered.
"We should go somewhere." Soul shrugged. Stein came into the room.
"Soul we need to see you."
"Uh, yeah what for?" Soul knew exactly why, but he didn't want to become better, he wanted to stay like this. He needed to lose the voices in his head, but he wanted them.
"Hello Soul."
"Miss Marie?' Soul acted surprised, and he spilled nothing, they talked, and he fooled both of them. Maka was waiting outside.
"Soul, let's go home since class is cancelled." They went home, and Soul just sat at the kitchen table for hours. he looked around every once in a while, but his head was down mostly. He hid the tears he was shedding. He fell asleep after a while. Maka carried the now deadly thin Soul upstairs, and laid him on his bed.
"Soul, I hope your ok." She turned off the lights, and went to bed. Another few months passed Soul's weight kept dropping, 90, 89, 87,84, 81, 79, 76. He was severely sick and didn't have any hope of getting better. When morning arose Maka went to wake Soul. She turned on the lights.
"Hello Soul." Soul awoke.
"Hey Maka." She walked over to his bed.
"Hurry up, we'll be late." Maka smiled at Soul.
"Just leave me to die, I want to die, let me." Maka slapped Soul; she fell to the ground afterwards, and started crying.
"Get a hold of yourself Soul, we need you, we care."
"Who's we?"
"Kid, Blackstar, Stein, everyone at the DWMA. I care to Soul."
"You're lying, I know you are." Maka raised her hand, still sobbing. She dropped it again.
"Soul, you don't understand. We care enough to ask you about this." She hugged Soul. Soul tried to crack a smile, but he couldn't, his face forgot how. Soul still stepped on the scale. (74 lbs).
"Someone cares, but then I need to control myself more, 10 more pounds." He caught up with Maka, and they went to school together. Soul felt a wave of dizziness come over him again. This time it was to fast to catch, he had collapsed.
"Soul! SOUL!"
Ch.3 The Realization:
Soul awoke to an obnoxious beeping.
"He's awake." Soul saw Maka above him, she had been crying.
"Maka, I'm sorry, but I couldn't stop it." He was in a bed with some wire attached to his arm. Stein walked in.
"Soul, you lied earlier." Soul just sat there, head in knees. He was crying again. He wanted out.
"I did Stein, because I don't want to be better, I don't want to live." Kid walked in.
"Soul, I knew you did it, I knew you were doing this since the beginning." Soul just nodded. Maka went over to the side of the bed and touched Soul's hand.
"Why Soul, why?' He just sobbed.
"Really, Maka. Let me die, please do." Maka wanted to knock some sense into him, but she just sighed instead. They asked many questions to Soul, but he didn't answer any of them. Stein soon shooed them out.
"Now Soul, please tell me why, and again please be honest." Soul lifted his head.
"The voices, they were too much." Soul's thin arms were shaking. He clenched his fist to stop crying, but he couldn't. He shed a tear.
"Soul, it's ok to cry, if you need to let it out then do so."
"Really?" Stein wiped Soul's tear.
"Yes."
"Why did the voices tell me what they did?" Stein was walking out the door.
"I don't know." Soul just looked out the window for the rest of the day. He fell asleep. He tuned out the beeping, and was awoken only when Marie walked in.
"Miss Marie." She closed the door.
"I'm supposed to take care of you right now, just till we can get Mira" Soul mumbled an "ok" and continued staring out the window.
"Soul, listen, I want you to live, and you can't go on like this."
"I can Marie, I want to."
"You're just causing pain to everyone around you."
"If I were dead, no one would have to care." Marie pulled a chair to the side of Soul's bed. Marie held Soul's hand.
"If you die, we'd all be stuck, Maka especially. You're a weapon Soul, and we need you, Maka needs you." Mira knocked on the door. Marie opened it. Marie walked out. Mira walked in.
"Hello Soul, how are you?"
"Fine." Soul mumbled.
"Get up." Soul stood up. He looked almost dead. His cheeks hollow, and his shoulders were only bone. His shirt was baggy and fell over his shoulders with lots of room to spare. His pants hid his legs so well that they looked as if they weren't there. His feet had veins and bones protruding. He was a skeleton.
"You did this to yourself."
"Yes."
"Why?" Soul looked away. He went to the window. "Tell me, I need to know."
"The voices, they told me. The control felt amazing," He turned around.
"I didn't want to hear them." Mira wrote it all down.
"You look dead now Soul, so skinny and so pale. You could die any minute."
"Let me collapse, let me die. I want to die." It was 8 by now.
"Soul you have many friends, and they all care deeply about you." Soul now knew what was going on. He looked around the small white room. On the right side was a plant, and a sink. He noticed there was a scale to. There was a chair on the left side. There was also the window. In the middle was a doorway. Mira left the room for something.
"I'll be back in an hour." Soul wanted to hurl himself out the window. Life had gone downhill so fast. Just a little teasing from the demon turned into this. He went to the scale. He balanced out the counters.
"73, you're getting closer to your goal." He smiled because of that. He sat by that window again. He loved it because it reminded him of the outside, where he wanted to be. Maka came in a couple minutes later.
"Soul, I got you something." Soul turned around.
"Keep it, I'm far from repair." Soul was blinking back tears. Maka walked over.
"Soul, you can cry, I won't think it's weird," Soul then let the tears fall onto his arms "Here I brought you some breakfast."
"Huh, you really think I'm gonna eat."
"Well, please try, I can't lose you. You're the first person I ever trusted. You're my weapon Soul, and I'm your meister." Soul wiped his face with his arm. Soul looked into the bag. There was an apple, and half of a sandwich. Soul picked up the apple. He picked at it, and took a bite. Maka was relieved. Soul picked at the sandwich. He wanted it but then he didn't want it. Mira walked back in.
"Oh, hey Maka." She smiled at Mira.
"Hey Mira." Mira noticed the bag in Soul's hand.
"You got him to eat." Maka laughed. Soul looked over.
"Well it's better than nothing." He looked at the bag. Soul hid it.
"I'm not hungry anymore." Mira walked over to Soul. She took the bag from behind his back.
"Half a sandwich and an apple," She looked at Maka.
"This was lasting him a whole day earlier."
"Well I thought it was a good start." Mira nodded.
"Yeah." Soul went and sat on his bed.
"Hey, Soul" Soul turned around.
"Yeah?" She shooed Maka out.
"We need to take your weight."
"Why?"
"To monitor recovery," Soul sighed and watched as the balance came to 79. "73, that's quite deadly, Soul tell me, what was your goal weight?"
"65 pounds." She nodded.
"That's quite low." Soul shook his head.
"It's still quite high, but I know any lower than 65,and I'd be dead." Mira took note.
"So the voices did this?" Soul nodded. She was taking notes.
"They would tell me things." Mira nodded.
"Like what?" Soul stepped off, and sat on the bed again.
"If only you were a little lighter, Maka could wield you better." Mira wrote something down again.
"Anything else."
"If only you were smaller, I could help you."
"Did they say this stuff a lot?" Soul nodded.
"All the time, and more than just that." Mira talked with Soul for another hour or so.
"You should get to bed." Soul then thanked her, and crawled into bed. He stared at the ceiling for hours. It soon became dark, and Soul was slowly drifting away. He moved around in his sleep, a lot. He awoke the next morning to birds. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Then he did his routine. 30 toe raisers, 50 sit ups, and 100 laps. He finished in an hour. 8:00.
"Damn Mira's coming soon." He sat on the side of the bed, head in chin. The door opened. Instead it was Stein.
"Hello Soul, how's it going."
"I'm fine."
"I'm now the one in charge of you Soul, Mira has others to attend to."
Soul just sat there and nodded. He looked at the wall.
"Can you leave Stein?"
"No Soul I cannot." Stein closed the door, and Soul laid back on the bed.
"Well at least try to not be annoying." Stein just shook his head.
"I can't promise anything." Stein proceeded to take Soul's weight. He talked with Soul, and gave him something to eat. Soul took the food and ate it. A week passed like this, Soul's weight dropped to 76 before he started to get better. He was eating, but still not enough. The door opened to others like Kid and Blackstar. Maka was visiting everyday. Soul had wires in his arms, one to monitor heart rate.. Kid was visiting this day, this fateful day.
"Hey Soul." Soul was sitting in the bed again; he looked up.
"What do you want Kid?" Kid saw Soul's arms, they were pale, and they were sticks. He saw Soul's sunken face. The cheekbones protruding, and his eyes looked sad.
"I was just here because I wanted to see you." Soul took a deep breath, ready for some questions. All he could say was:
"where's' Maka?"
"She's with Crona, helping him prep for a test." It was getting late; about 8:00, Stein walked in.
"Kid, visiting times are officially over." Kid said goodbye to Soul, Soul stood up to shift the covers a little. The world spun around Soul, and he felt a sharp pain. He soon saw nothingness. The monitor was really slow, and his chest almost didn't move, but he was breathing. Stein let him be, but got Maka. She ran in 15 minutes later. Stein told her everything.
"I hope he'll live."
"Soul should be ok, we'll see in the morning." So Maka held Soul's hand, and cried for the night. He moved a little every now and then; when he did Maka would get her hopes up, but then he'd just continue sleeping. At 10:00 in the morning Stein walked in.
"How's he holding up."
"He hasn't moved all night." Stein checked the monitor, and saw it was going slow, and Soul's chest was rising and falling slowly. Stein checked Soul's fading pulse.
"Soul may wake up now or he may wake up in 3 days. Maka."
"Yeah Stein."
"Stay here till he wakes up, I'll attach him to a feeding tube when he does." Maka sat down.
"Don't attach him, I'll make him eat, you'll see."
"And if you don't Maka, Soul will die, and it'll be your fault."
"I will make him eat Stein, you'll see." Maka went and bought something for Soul. She waited there for the whole day, and slept on the chair that night. She awoke on the 2nd day of this, and saw Soul sitting on the bed rubbing his skin continuously. Maka smiled.
"You're awake Soul." Soul stopped rubbing his arm.
"So." Maka handed Soul a banana, and Soul took it, peeled it and bit off the top. Maka smiled again. "He's hopefully eating again." She thought to herself. Soul had finished the banana a little later. Stein walked in.
"I see you got Soul to eat."
"Yeah, now let's hope he continues to eat." Stein nodded in agreement. Soul had rage building inside of him, the voices grew worse.
"GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ANYMORE. MAKE THEM GO AWAY!" Soul had slammed his hands against the bed. His arm was bleeding, and he was crying. The voices in his head danced around.
"You're fat Soul, go away Soul you're fat, Soul that banana will make you fat." Soul hid his eyes. He hid his tears again.
"Soul, is something wrong?" Soul tried to talk between sobs.
"Make…the voices…leave, make them go away." Maka went to hold Soul's hand.
"Soul, don't listen to them, shut them up." Soul squeezed Maka's hand. Still crying.
"I'll try." Soul then proceeded to eat the piece of bread in front of him, and Maka thought. "All it took was a little help, and Soul is eating again." Soul was breaking the pieces of the bread off and hid some, but ate others.
"I'll leave you two alone for now." Stein waved and left the room. Maka entertained Soul for a while longer, then she said goodbye, and left too. Soul sat alone again, pondering. Was he really gonna live? Will he be fine? Can he shut out the voice? Soul sat there wondering till he fell asleep. He slept soundly for once, and he smiled as he went to sleep for the first time in months. A year had passed and there were some signs of recovery, Soul's weight was at 84 pounds, and he could eat a full meal without feeling too much guilt. He told Stein the voices were leaving his head, and the ones that stayed were quieter. Maka still went and visited everyday. Soul knew he was getting better, but he didn't want to.
"Maka promise you won't tell me about this later." Maka shook her head.
"Sorry Soul, class photos were taken around the time of you in your severe phase, you were at 76 pounds then, all of us went to the amusement park together, remember. We took loads of pictures, and they're all in the album." Soul then smiled as Maka said: "Remember."
"So, I can see those photos anytime. "
"Yeah, but you don't have to," Maka hugged Soul again. "Bye Soul, till morning."
"Bye Maka." As the door slammed shut Soul sighed. He looked at his arm, and looked at his nails. Soul dug his nails in his skin. The blood started dripping on the sheets. Red stains were there when Soul fell asleep. Stein woke Soul the next day at 8 like always.
"Soul why are there red stains everywhere," Stein looked at Soul's upturned arm. "You didn't." Soul nodded.
"I did Stein." So on Soul's record it now said:
Soul Evans
HT: 5,4
WT: 89
Anorexia binge-purge subtype, compulsive exercise, body dysmorphia, the new thing Stein added was: Self-harmer.
"Soul you're just getting worse."
"I'm eating."
"Yeah but your mental state is just getting worse." Soul went through the next month in the same room, his weight at 91 pounds. Soul was set to be discharged in the next week. Maka smiled as she remembered when Soul was still at home. The day came when Soul was discharged.
"I'll be fine, don't worry." Maka walked in to the room, and Soul took a deep breath in the room where he'd been for 2 months. He was going home.
"You ready." Soul nodded.
"Yeah."
"Make sure his weight hits at least 105 by the end of the month, and make sure he eats."
"Can do professor ." Soul and Maka went home by foot.. Soul lived there knowing he'd relapse someday, and somehow, so he was scared. His weight stabled out at 107. He could smile again, and they were real smiles. Soul was happy.
"Maka, promise me you'll be there when I relapse." She hugged him.
"I will Soul I will." Soul grabbed her shoulder.
"Please."
"Defiantly." He smiled again, and then went to his room to finish some homework. That night, six months later from discharge; at 111 pounds, Soul went to the bathroom; he stuck his fingers down his throat, and soon vomited…