You know you're cool when aliens from another dimension ask for you specifically. Even over a pitiful service like Pesterchum. Of course you knew you were hella cool before, but it feels like fucking Christmas up here. Are you being sarcastic? Fuck yeah.
All jokes and excessive swearing aside, you respond to the "alien's" message.
TG: is there any sort of reason why I should believe you
TG: because im looking for one
TG: but I cant find it
CG: YOU FUCKED EVERYTHING UP, BIG TIME.
CG: YOUR SASSY, SELFISH EXCUSE FOR A THINK PAN DECIDED IT WASNT ENOUGH OF A FAILURE YET AND DECIDE TO BASICALLY DESTROY THE FUCKING UNIVERSE OVER YOUR FRIEND PLAYING A
CG: STUPID
CG: FUCKING
TG: wait
CG: GAME.
CG: GOD, YOU ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS STRIDER.
TG: im sorry
TG: its too ingrained in my personality to actually
TG: fucking
TG: care
TG: see what i did there
CG: I SEE WHAT YOU FUCKING DID.
CG: AND IM TIRED OF LOOKING AT THIS STUPID FUCKING ASTEROID WITH ALL MY STUPID "FRIENDS" AND KNOWING I COULD HAVE BEEN GONE FIVE YEARS AGO.
CG: SO DO US ALL A FAVOR
CG: AND GET YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF THE FUCKING CHAIR.
You think back to how it all began. It started when you were 13, like all the stories do. It was your birthday.
Bro was acting unusual that day, when you could see him a coy smile played across his face. It was unsettling, to say the least, but you figured the extent of any possible damage would be having to swim through a pile of smuppets. You figured wrong.
"I got you a birthday present, lil' man."
Apprehensive, to say the least, you look him right in the shades and raise your eyebrows.
"I promise you it's good." His voice sounds strangely sincere, though you never trust his word anyway.
You open the envelope he hands to you and grin. "No risk, no reward."
"What risk?" Bro tilts his shades down and continues in a mock tone. "I'm not a risk!"
You roll your red eyes under your pointy shades. Inside the envelope are two pieces of paper. They are tickets to an anime convention, right there in Texas, probably a few blocks away. You can't help but feel a little let down as you know he probably bought them so he could go. Something tells you, however, that he'd have just bought a ticket for himself if that was the case.
"Really?" you ask, looking back at him.
"What could be better than looking at the asses of hot anime dudes?" His voice, carrying its southern lilt, was deep and gravelly. "I thought you'd appreciate that."
You raise your eyebrows and exhale loudly.
"Plus your nerd friends are going." His coy smile returns. "Even the Egderp is coming. His father is a royal pain in the ass, let me tell you that."
You are ever-so-slightly speechless, but manage to squeak out a thank-you.
"Hope you don't mind. This is basically our whole fucking life savings so don't waste these precious three days."
You assure him you won't, (coolly of course) and run to your room. Opening pesterchum, you message John.
TG: how long have you known
TG: sneaky little motherfucker
EB: know what?
TG: god
TG: the stupid convention
EB: oh that!
EB: ive known about it for a couple months now.
EB: dad was really cautious about me going.
EB: so he's coming along too.
EB: i hope you don't mind!
TG: i don't really give a fuck man
TG: he might be uncomfortable there though
TG: bros angling to look at some anime booty
TG: fuck
TG: that sounded ridiculously uncool
EB: it kinda is.
EB: i can't wait to see you and rose and jade though.
EB: hows jade gonna get there though?
EB: do they have planes on her little island?