I stood across from her, unable to take my eyes off of her. She was just so amazing. I'd had a crush on her since…forever, really. That's what it felt like. Eternity since I'd first met her, first fell in love with her.
I guess it started when she first came to Kadic. She- Aelita, that is, was just so amazing. No one had been expecting anything like her at Kadic anytime soon. I hadn't imagined anyone else like her in the world.
Aelita. A-Liter. Lita. God, it's such a pretty name with so many ways to say it. I love saying it. If I could, it'd be all I could say. It's all I want to say anyways. She's the only reason I keep going.
Aelita finally got here, to stupid Kadic…and it was just so amazing. I'd never seen anything like her before. The pink hair, emerald eyes, kind face, it all just seemed too much.
Too perfect for a dork like me.
So many times she's saved me. Saved me from myself from. Saved me from the others, the pain, and the words of others. So many times I thought I was in over my head, and just the thought of her could make me smile anyways.
She had saved me from my own stupidity, my ignorance. I wasn't needed in the group, but she made me feel like I'd belonged, even when I truly didn't.
I'd never belong with them.
I remember Valentines Day last year. I'd found this perfect necklace- a light pink orb. It matched her hair perfectly. I spent all my money on it, wishing for her to be my valentine.
The next day, it was gone. It was the day before Valentines Day, and I rushed around, trying to find it somewhere. But it was gone, and I didn't have the money to buy another one.
The next day, I saw her wearing it. I'd felt so angry knowing that someone had stolen it, from my own room as well. But I said nothing, and only could think of how she looked even more perfect than before.
Another time, she had kissed me. It was not what I expected, but I relished it. I'd played that scene over and over in my head, a song I wanted to forever keep on repeat. I thought maybe she wasn't the only one who felt like…like this.
She had left so suddenly leaving me wondering. Then, she claimed to have never done it to everyone else. I didn't mind. I laughed about it with my friends, acted as if it was some giant prank, not an action that truly meant something to me.
I kept those feelings to myself, never telling anyone anything. It was like a secret only I knew. Only we knew. It was ours. It seems so intimate, having a special secret, but we're as different as two beings can be. I mean, we're basically polar opposites.
Aelita's beautiful, clever, smart, amazing, and special in a good way. She's graceful, caring, the top of our class. I'm just silly, immature, ugly, and special in the short-bus way. I'm clumsy, uncaring and uncared for, and at the bottom of the class
Maybe we're that star-crossed lover's thing. In love but not supposed to be. I like to think Romeo and Juliet, but I sometimes feel more like Heathcliffe and Cathy. She should be the bad guy for leading me on, making it seem as if she liked me, and then running off with some other guy. I am only dim, stupid, lovesick Heathcliffe.
I remember one time when I went in the factory. It's still such a creepy place, and especially hard trying to get your friend who's terrified of heights to jump off a 10 meter ledge onto a rope.
I reached the elevator, and then saw Aelita kissing him. He had blushed and recoiled slightly, but she was perfectly happy about it. Perfectly happy to be that close to him. She had led me on, tricked me into thinking she liked me, and then shoved it back in my face.
That didn't make me love her any less.
She did have to like me somewhat. That's why she agreed to come with me when everyone else bailed. When everyone else would only think 'what a dork, why is he even remotely close to me?'
That's why I loved her. I loved since she cared and listened when everyone laughed and walked away. Everyone else told me that I didn't love her- they told me I was infatuated with her, obsessed to a point. But it isn't obsession if it's returned. Right?
She must have felt some connection to me, something drawing her to me. I don't know why, but it must have existed. Yet I never made a move, always sat in awe, staring at her. Wishing and wanting her to be mine and only mine. Not his, not anyone's. Just mine.
That's how I ended up at the ninth grade end of the year dance, alone. She'd been coming to classes more often, giving me more time to try to summon courage without her being there or having to talk to the others.
She stands there across from me, like she's waiting for me. I stare at her eyes, but she doesn't notice me. Maybe she will soon. I walk up towards her, trying to summon some form of courage, no matter how small. She finally notices me and smiles slightly, giving a small nod of acknowledgement.
No one else is there to stop me, to steer me of- or onto- the right course. It seemed as if Kadic's students had left us, yet were standing right next to us at the same time. I was so close to her, I could hear her hum small melodies through the blood pulsing in my ears.
I tried to hold back a stutter and asked, "Aelita, will you dance with me for a song?' I cursed myself, knowing it'd come out strangely, but I kept hoping. Maybe she'd think it was cute. Maybe she'd think I'm as worthless as everyone tells me.
"Oh- well, um, I'm sorry, but I promised Yumi I'd go and help her apply eye-liner. I really am sorry." She told me with a sympathetic smile, pushing a strand of hair behind her left ear. Sissy told me about that. It either means 'SOS' or 'can I dance with him?' I hope it's the second option.
She started to walk away towards Yumi, who was wearing black jeans and a dark blue fancy top, beckoning towards Aelita. Trying to 'save' her from me. I didn't want her to be saved.
I persisted, following her, and asking, "Well, what about when you get back?" There was still a chance she wouldn't leave, a chance she might say yes- a chance I refused to lose. It felt like my only chance.
Turning around, Aelita faced me, her eyes sad and pitying. But not loving in the least. She sighed, and told me softly, "Once again, I'm sorry, but no. You're not my…It's just…You see…we're not meant to be together."
I felt my world crashing around. The words repeated in my head, telling me what lies all my other thoughts had been. Destroying my Utopia and making it a reality. The scars on my wrists burned with honesty.
Before she left, Aelita rested a hand on my shoulder and looked straight into my eyes, pinning me down, no place to hide. Trapped there in my own torture, when all I could think of was the pen knife in my room.
"I really am sorry, Nicholas."
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A/N: Rather dark, yes, but I like it. I tried to make it a surprise…Don't know if I succeeded. Reviews are appreciated, wanted; constructive critiscm. Laughed at and disregarded; flames. Thanks for reading!
-Rosey