ALRIGHT SO I WAS ASKED IF I COULD RIGHT THIS STORY AND WAS THRILLED TO HAVE THIS IDEA GIVEN TO ME. NOW I KNOW I HAVE MULTIPLE STORIES WRITTEN AT THE MOMENT BUT I WILL TRY AS OFTEN AS I CAN TO UPDATE THIS STORY. PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.
"I know Tony" Ziva said. My heart raced, beating wildly. What did she know? What could she possibly know about me that I hadn't already told her? Was my shield, my barrier breaking? Slipping? Did I need to do something to push her away? What was it that she knew?
"Know what?" I asked looking around the bullpen nervously, making sure no one was there. Which was stupid because we were the only ones who had stayed after the case had been solved about three hours ago. I was catching up on paperwork and Ziva was… well I don't know what exactly Ziva was doing but from the way she was watching me with a microscopic lens I knew that it couldn't be good.
"That you are faking it" she stated. The way she said it was as if she was trying to prove to me that the sky was blue.
"Faking what?" I asked and she growled
"Faking your stupidity. Hiding the fact that you are actually incredibly smart" she said and my mouth dropped. No one was supposed to know that, not even Vance or Gibbs knew that. I'd purposely hid the fact that I had an almost perfect IQ that was probably higher than McGee or Abby's IQ, but I'd purposefully hidden behind this wall of being the stupid, smart arse movie fanatic who needed a girl on each arm just to function. It was something that I had learnt after years of living with my almost never present father, another thing that I'd hidden while being in Baltimore PD because my team in Philly had used me and now it was something that I never wanted to reveal. Yes there were times when I was clueless, like when my father was in town and I needed a second opinion because I was confused and I didn't know how to deal with the situation, I mean having a father who either used or abandoned you at the first sign of a good looking woman was difficult and confusing. But most of the time it was just a protective barrier, something to hide behind, a shield, one that protected me from being used.
"How did you find that out Ziva?" I asked looking at her quizzically.
"Mossad" she stated matter of factly and I groaned.
"Don't tell anyone" I said and she narrowed her gaze about to ask why but I shook my head.
"Now is not the time" I said having seen Gibbs make his way into the room. Turning back to my work I knew that if I was doing that I could ignore the looks that Ziva kept on shooting my way.
"Your right it's not the time for whatever argument the two of you are about to get involved in we have a missing marine. Grab your gear. Ziva call McGee, Tony gas the truck. I'll go get Duck" he said and I nodded grabbing the keys for the truck and going down to gas it before we all headed out to the scene.
The whole ride to the crime scene was tense, Ziva was glaring at me McGee was trying to work out why I was ignoring everyone and Gibbs was just being Gibbs. I didn't need or want to have to explain myself, why would I as it was no one's business to be honest. When we got out of the truck I was sent to interview the witnesses which was a good thing as I didn't need to worry about having to shield myself from anyone. Though I was a little bit distracted I managed to get it done and was able to report back to Gibbs before we all headed back to headquarters and to our cars. Though as I was getting in the elevator to go home I was stopped by Ziva again.
"Look Tony I know that you don't like to talk about it but I can't understand why you wouldn't be proud of the fact that you are incredibly smart. I mean honestly if I had the IQ that you had I wouldn't be ashamed of it, I would be proud of the fact that I had such a fantastic knowledge" I sighed and flipped the switch.
"Ziva you haven't been through what I went through" I tried to reason with her and she raised an eyebrow at me
"Obviously, for me it wasn't quite what you went through but I do understand the feeling of not being good enough for your loved ones" she said and I nodded
"Right well, I guess before my mother passed away I was always proud of being as smart as I am. She passed away but then my father became a drunk and he spent more time finding himself a replacement for my mother than he did about me and my successes, he became annoyed with me if I started talking the way I did and I guess since then it was just easier for me to hide it than to admit to it" I said and she nodded.
"I know but your father isn't in the picture, don't you think that it would make you feel so much better to let it out, let everyone know that you are who you are instead of the person that you pretend to be" she said and I raised an eyebrow and she agreed
"Right well yeah if you do it then so will I" she said and I sighed
"Look I'll think about it" I said as I flipped the switch and she nodded
"That's all I ask of you Tony" she said getting off as the doors finally opened.
Making my way home, thought about all the things that Ziva had said, it felt weird to admit to anyone that the man I am was a fraud. That the true person I am should be the person I show the world, but that was easier said than done. When you've been hiding behind the fake persona as long as I have its hard to revoke it. But then I'd always been told that the only way to respect others was to respect and love myself first. I really needed to think about this but honestly I felt a little relieved to have someone else in the know.