I would like to note that although I do not own this song, I do own the particular lyrics of this version of the song. I own this version of the song, but not the song in general. I take requests, so if you would like me to do something, let me know in the comments.
Hook: Get your hand cut off by a croc,
Ariel: Stab a witch with a fork on a dock.
Snow: Jump off a cliff while running from guards,
Graham: Insult a guy with a wolf at a local bar.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Regina: *evil* Cast a curse on everyone alive,
Pan: Open a box and get trapped inside.
Zelena: Turn your skin green with jealousy,
Aurora: Prick your finger on a needle and sleep.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Daniel: Get your heart ripped out and crushed,
Dr. Wales: Get your brother killed...and...stuff.
Regina: Bring your heart to a witch fight,
Robin Hood: Steal from Rumplestiltskin and get skinned alive.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Emma: Break a curse and feel like a winner,
Sydney Glass: Fall in love and get trapped in a mirror.
Henry: Eat a cursed apple turnover,
Bae: Hey, what does this key do?
Everyone: …
Bae: …
Henry: You know, that doesn't really rhyme.
Bae: So?
Henry: It has to rhyme.
Bae: Then you change your line.
Henry: No! That's how I died! I can't change it!
Bae: Talk to the directors, then.
Henry: Directors?
Belle: Yes. It would appear that we are…fictional characters. We only exist in a TV show called "Once Upon a Time".
Henry: NNNOOOOO! *falls to his knees* Why, oh, why? NO!
Emma: *walk in* What the hell is going on in here? *sees Henry* Hook. What did you do.
Hook: I did nothing, love. It was them. *points hook towards Bae and Belle*
Emma: Did you guys tell him we were a TV show?
Bae: Yes.
Belle: It might have come up.
Emma: …
Belle: …
Bae: …
Emma: F**k you guys.
Mr. Gold: *bursts through the door with a fireball* I heard you were talking s**t about Belle.
Bae: Papa, really?
Belle: I'm special.
August: *from the other room* NO, YOU'RE NOT! YOU JUST THINK SO!
Henry: *gets up off of his knees* What?
Emma: Kid, run.
Henry: *scared* Okay. *runs into kitchen* HEY, WHO ATE ALL THE APPLE PIE?! GRANDMA!
Snow: *from downstairs* I didn't do it!
Henry: Are you sure?
Snow: …
Henry: …
Snow: I'm afraid I can't answer that.
Henry: Goddamnit.
Emma: HENRY!
Henry: *runs to his room and loads his Nerf gun* It's game time.
Emma: HENRY!
Walsh: Are we going to continue or…
Emma: Shut up, you're not important.
Walsh: I proposed to you!
Emma: I said no.
Walsh: …
Emma: …
Walsh: I loved you.
Emma: I killed you.
Walsh: Come on! What does Hook have that I don't?
Hook: *comes over to them* I have Emma.
Henry: *from upstairs* DIE, BANANA!
Bae: Wow. He really IS my kid.
Emma: *looks at him* Yeah. You hate bananas?
Bae: *nods* Yep.
Emma: …
Bae: …
Emma: How the hell did I ever fall for you.
August: TRUUUUUEEEEE LOOOVVVEEE!
Belle: What the f**k just happened?
David: *bursts through the door* Let's do this!
Snow: Oh God.
Emma: No.
Henry: YEAH!
Belle: Huh?
Jefferson: I need to go in about three days, because H.Y.D.R.A. needs me to assassinate Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain America. So can we hurry up?
Elsa: LET IT GO! LET IT GO!
Anna: Not again.
Henry: NOPE!
David: What?
Snow: F**K YOU!
Jefferson: *groans* Goddamnit.
Elsa: CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!
Anna: SHUT UP!
Elsa: *freezes Anna* LET IT GO! LET IT GO! TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR!
Regina: I will cut you.
Zelena: I will destroy you all.
Zelena: …
Regina: …
Zelena: Will you be my friend?
Regina: Forever and always.
Henry: *starts singing 'Forever and Always' by Taylor Swift*
Hook: SHIT!
Emma: HOOK! What the hell is it?
Hook: I spilled coffee on my jacket!
Emma: So?
Hook: This is leather, woman! Get hat through your head!
Emma: S***w you.
Hook: Shit. I'm screwed.
Henry: *stops singing* *comes downstairs* It's not like you had a chance anyways.
David: *laughs* True.
Snow: David! I will tell her if you don't stop it!
Emma: Tell me what?
Snow: He is an asshole. A gay asshole. Well, technically bisexual, but whatever.
David: …
Snow: …
Emma: …
Hook: …
Emma: …wait.
Henry: Hooking.
Emma: Hooking.
Bae: What the hell is—oooohhhh my God. Oh my God. They are a THING now, people. Hooking is a THING now. Shit.
Belle: I'm sorry, what?
Jefferson: I'm pretty sure you aren't listening, so I'm Bucky Barnes.
Henry: OH MY F**KING GOD!
Jefferson: …
Henry: …
Jefferson: …shit.
Henry: Don't you dare.
Jefferson: …
Henry: …
Jefferson: Goodbye! *jumps out the window* SHIT THAT WAS A MISTAKE
Henry: NO WAIT COME BACK I WANT TO HUG YOU
Snow: YOU TOO?! GOD, IS MY WHOLE FAMILY GAY?!
David: …
Emma: …
Bae: …
Hook: …
Henry: …
Belle: …
Regina: …
Mr. Gold: …
Snow: …
Henry: Pan.
David: Hook.
Bae: Pan.
Hook: David.
Emma: Regina.
Mr. Gold: What?
Belle: Red.
Red: WHAT!?
Snow: …Regina.
Regina: …
Everyone: …
Regina: *to Snow* Does that answer your incredibly stupid question?
Snow: Yes.
David: So are we getting a divorce, or…
Snow: OH MY GOD.
Henry: If we're all gay, then that means—oh s**t.
Everyone: HENRY!
Henry: *locks eyes with Bae*
Bae: *locks eyes with Henry*
Bae & Henry: *together* PAN, CORA, AND AVA ARE ALL GAY!
August: Are we going to continue this or not?
Emma: Yes. Let's start over.
August: Good plan.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hook: Get your hand cut off by a croc,
Ariel: Stab a witch with a fork on a dock.
Snow: Jump off a cliff while running from guards,
Graham: Insult a guy with a wolf at the local bar.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Regina: *evil* Cast a curse on everyone alive,
Pan: Open a box and get trapped inside.
Jefferson: *comes back* Get trapped for good in Wonderland,
Mr. Gold: Be the most powerful person in all of the lands.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Zelena: Turn green with jealousy,
Aurora: Prick your finger on a needle and sleep.
Regina: Bring your heart to a witch fight,
Robin Hood: Steal from Rumplestiltskin and get skinned alive.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Emma: Break a curse and feel like a winner,
Sydney Glass: Fall in love and get trapped in a mirror.
Henry: Eat a cursed apple turnover,
Bae: Hey, what does this key do?
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
Dumb ways to die.
So many dumb ways to die.
August: Get tasered by an evil, crazy lady,
David: Almost die while trying to protect your baby.
Anna and Kristoff: *together* Get locked in a trunk and thrown into the ocean,
Elsa: Freeze random things, and let go of emotions!
Walsh: Get turned into a flying monkey!
Zelena: …
Walsh: …
Zelena: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Walsh: It's okay. It could happen to anyone.
Zelena: …
Walsh: …
Zelena: …
Walsh: …Would you like to come over for dinner?
Zelena: …
Walsh: …
Zelena: …yes.
Walsh: Oh thank God.
Emma: Although I ship this—
Me: SHUT UP AND KISS GODDAMNIT
Zelena: …
Walsh: …
Emma: …
Me: …sorry. ONWARD, MY FELLOW COMPANIONS!
Emma: Fine.
Zelena: I like chicken, just so you know. *winks at Walsh*
Walsh: *blushes*
Me: AAAWWWW YIIIISSSSS WHOOOO!
They're the dumbest ways to die.
The dumbest ways to die!
Dumb ways to die!
So many dumb, so many dumb ways to die.
Emma: Be safe if you're a storybook character. A message from Emma Swan.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Henry: So, you and Walsh are like a thing now?
Zelena: ….Yes.
Henry: Good. Because if you ever kill him I swear on my mother's life that I will find you , I will hunt you down and I will kill you.
Zelena: *inches away from Henry* What the hell is wrong with you?
Henry: …
Zelena: …
Henry: …I'm Batman.
Zelena: Oh God.
August: Why is Bae a dragon?
Emma: Okay. Mr. Gold, what did you do?
Mr. Gold: He wanted to feel power.
Emma: Fuck you.
August: I'm going to have to side with her on this one.
Emma: *walks over to Bae* C'mon, Neal. It's time to change you back.
Bae: RAWR!
Emma: What?
August: What did he say?
Emma: He says, "FUCK YOU EMMA SWAN I'M NEVER GOING BACK. THE PAST IS IN THE PAST, SO LET IT GO.
August: C'mon down, Neal, you can't fly around Storybrooke forever.
Bae: RAWR!
Emma: He said, YES I CAN. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH DID. SO I CAN TOO.
August: Who the hell is Benedict Cumberbatch?
Emma: Sherlock Holmes. Educate yourself, you uncultured peasant.
August: …shit.
David: Yeah. You're fucking screwed.
Walsh: So when are we doing this again?
David: Next Friday. But next time, instead of doing it in the forest, why don't we go to the Author's mansion?
Robin: No.
Everyone else: Agreed.
Robin: Oh. Okay well if Regina wants to do it then I will. But I hate almost all of you.
Regina: Would you rather we do it at your campsite?
Robin: …
Regina: …
Robin: Nevermind. Next Friday at the Author's mansion. See you all then.
Bae: RAWR!
Emma: BAE GET DOWN HERE NOW
Bae: RAWR!
Emma: Good grief.
Me: LOL, you bitches have some weird shit going on over there. I'll see y'all tomorrow!
Everyone: Bye, Samantha!
Me: Bye, everyone! Oh, and NEAL FOR FUCK'S SAKE GET YOUR SCALY ASS DOWN HERE I'M HAVING YOUR FATHER CHANGE YOU BACK!
Bae: RAWR!
Me: ALLRIIGHT YOU ASKED FOR IT!
Mr. Gold: *changes Neal back into a human and forever loses the ability to turn people into dragons and the next time he tries he will turn that person into a gecko*
Me: Ha.
Bae: Wah.
Emma: I can see why I left you.
Jefferson: Shit. I have to go save Steve. Punk. See ya next Friday! *jumps out window* WHY DID I DO THAT AGAIN GODAMNIT I MAKE HORRIBLE LIFE CHOICES
Me: THAT'S WHY YOU NEED STEVE DAMNIT BUCKY
Jefferson: WHO THE HELL IS BUCKY?!
Me: NO WAIT COME BACK I LOVE YOU BUCKY!
Everyone: …
Me: … It's true. Who would like to do the disclaimer?
Zelena: I will. First of all, Samantha does not own any of the material in this story. And second of all, she would like me to tell you that should you want to make a video of this, PLEASE credit her with the lyrics. The original idea for this was from Tangerine Kitty on Youtube. All rights reserved.
Also, I am a new person now. I'm nice, so don't judge me or anything I do. Thank you.
Me: *wipes tears away* Oh, that was beautiful. Well done. *claps*
Everyone: *claps*
Me: Hey, Everyone! Go check out my fanfic, "Monsters" and the sequel, "It's Not Easy Being Green", which believe it or not, has absolutely nothing to do with being green!
Yeah, I have GOT to change my fanfic name for that one…
Anyways,
ALLONS-Y!
:D
p.s. I JUST changed my fanfic name. It is now called, "Faith, Hope, and Belief". I honestly hope that you check it out!
And if you want another crack-fic like this one, PLEASE let me know! I WILL take requests!
Emma: Who the hell are you talking to?
Henry: The computer people, duh.
Emma: ...
Henry: ...
Emma: You need help.
Henry: So I've been told.
Belle: *sniff* This is some crappy bullshit.
Mr. Gold: What?
Me: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE