Where do we go from here?
This is a continuation of What Bliss is This with Maura and Jane overcoming obstacles that they encountered at the hands of The Cupid Killer. I know our girls have some rough times but we have a honeymoon to go on. They will get there. This Chapter contains graphic rape. Rated M this is Rizzles
Maura looked at Jane with her head in her hands as she sat on the bed. She had hoped that Jane would not know what happened but she knew that Jane would not let it go until she knew all the details. She sat down on the side of the bed and leaned against Jane offering support and gathering strength. A trembling hand reached out for the detectives and Jane took it and squeezed it tightly before jumping off the bed and rushing into the bathroom. Maura could hear Jane as she heaved into the toilet getting rid of what little had been eaten today. Pain had kept Jane from eating to much and Maura placed her trembling fingers on her temple. It was bad enough when she was trying to deal with what had happened herself now she had to see what it was putting Jane through. She knew the detective would blame herself for what had happened. After several moments Jane came out and mumbled she would be right back. It took about five minutes and Jane came back holding a bottle of wine and a glass as well as a couple of beers. She sat down on the bed and held a hand out to Maura who climbed up on her arms.
The beautiful Medical Examiner rested her head on Janes chest not really touching the wine as she was afraid the way she was feeling she wouldn't stop until she was rip roaring drunk and that was not her style. She listened to Jane's heart pound in her ear and swallowed hard. Her voice cracked as she glanced up to see Jane with her jaw clenched. "It's not your fault, Jane." There was a bitter laugh echoing in the room. "Whose fault is it then? I vowed to protect you and we haven't even been married a month and I failed."
"Should I blame myself for your getting shot?" Jane didn't need to know Maura already did blame herself for the pain Jane was enduring. "What do you mean?" Jane questioned her pain filled eyes searching Maura's. "If I hadn't been kidnapped then you would not have been shot so technically it is my fault you were shot."
Jane squeezed her tightly "No baby do not do that to yourself, I should have been more careful when I went into the warehouse."
Maura sat up looking in Jane's eyes, they had always been so vibrant, so alive, so full of emotions but now they were blank and dark. "Why don't we put the blame where it belongs, neither of us had any control over what he did."
Jane looked at her and Maura could see the knot in her jaw working. "And, what did he do?" Maura closed her eyes and trembled as she remembered what had happened in the warehouse, she didn't want to repeat it, she wanted to close her eyes and want the event to have never happened. She stood up and walked to the window wrapping her arms around her waist as if she were freezing.
When she spoke her voice was thick with tears "I tried reasoning with him, I tried to talk to him and show him he wasn't that bad that he didn't have to hurt anyone." Jane gripped the blanket in her hands her knuckles turning white.
"You can't reason with the insane, Maura. Trust me I know I have tried more than once." Images of Hoyt holding the scalpel to Maura's throat came to mind. She had been able to protect Maura from him though. She didn't have this helpless feeling of being a failure.
"I woke up...it was dark...I could sense him close his breathing was heavy and I could smell him." Maura swallowed the nausea trying not to be back in that room, she was here with Jane. "I felt something sharp against my chest and he asked...what I saw in you...that I had never had a real man..." Jane felt the blanket tear under her hands and knew there were tears running down her face. She knew from experience that it is best for Maura to talk about what happened but it took all Jane had not to throw up as she continued.
"I told him what we had was about...more than just...sex...and I felt my blouse being torn open." There was a sniffle. "He started to pinch and twist my nipple and I tried to ignore the pain, I knew if I reacted it would just insite him. Next thing I knew he knelt in front of me, my hands were tied, he cut my bra and started to bite my breast and nipple positioning himself between my legs. He reached inside his pants and I closed my eyes...he...he..." Maura was having trouble getting the words out and Jane knew she didn't want to hear anymore but again she knew for Maura's sake it needed to be said. "He forced my legs apart and started to ….he put his fingers in..." Maura rest her head against the wall and Jane got up and went to her. Not wanting to startle her while she was caught in what happened she stated "I'm right here." And wrapped herself around Maura feeling her tense. She placed her fingers between Maura's and Maura squeezed tightly. "He was trying to get me wet and I knew it would be better for me if I was so I tried to imagine it was you but I could smell him and his face was buried against my neck. It pissed him off and he pulled my panties down to my ankles and released my feet from their bindings...Maura turned and buried her face in Jane's hair...He pushed himself into me over and over...I was so dry and it hurt I tried not to scream but I couldn't help it and that turned him on." She could hear Janes breathing ragged in her ear and feel the stiffness of her body. She doubted Jane would ever be able to look at her without seeing what happened but she couldn't not tell Jane.
"After what seemed like forever he stopped and pulled my panties up and said now I would think of him which made me realize he wanted me to live. I see him every time I close my eyes and between dreams of him and dreams of you I feel like I am losing my mind." Maura was sobbing now and Jane hated herself for letting this happen to the woman she loved more than life.
"I am so sorry, sweetheart I wish I could erase all that happened. You are so pure and beautiful and if it weren't for me this never would have happened to you." Jane tried to control her anger but her self reproach got the best of her and she slammed her hand in the wall oblivious to the pain. Maura jumped at the impact and placed her hand on Jane's face. "Stop it, you are not at fault here Jane Clementine Rizzolli you cannot save the world."
"I could care less about the world but I should be able to save my wife." Jane was angry at herself but forced herself to calm down knowing Maura did not need more stress. "What was the appointment for."
Jane knew but she wanted to know what tests they ran. "They tested for HIV and STD's and pregnancy. I was given HIV meds and an antibiotic and a sedative." Jane shivered as she realized her wife was in danger of getting diseases that could end her life. She pulled Maura hard against her not thinking of the wound on her side but unable to contain a gasp. Maura pulled away and said let's get you looked at, love. I didn't want you to know but I am glad I am not hiding anything from you anymore. Will we get past this?" The uncertainty pulled at Jane's heart.
"We will sweetheart." Jane noticed she had put a hole in the wall and knew when tensions were not so high she would get a lecture. Jane felt blood trickling down her hand and pulled it up to look at it. Maura shook her head and pulled her into the bathroom. She doctored her hand which looked like had a broken knuckle and then doctored her side. Afterwards they went and lay on the bed holding each other tight.
"Where is your sedative at?" Jane asked, knowing Maura had not been taking them because she had not gotten any sleep.
"My purse but I don't need it." Maura protested but Jane held up her hand. She knew that her wife needed sleep and she would get it tonight. She went and got two sedatives and a glass of water. After Maura took them they turned off the lights and both were lost in their own thought until Maura started to drift off. Jane stayed awake determined she would at least protect her from nightmares.