Title: Dead Skin
Author: Officer BudBabe
Summary: Angel/CSI Crossover. Kate Lockley needed a new life. She needed to shed her dead skin and become human again. Somewhere where nobody would know her… where she could just start again. Nick/Kate
Genre: Angst/Romance/Mystery
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: This story has been written for entertainment purposes only and no Profit has been made on the Author's part. Really. I just like watching George Eads… Grin
Chapter One – Time of your life
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Kate Lockley cradled the glass of Gin in her hands as she stared out of the window at the lights of Las Vegas.
Vegas at night was a sight to be seen. It was as if it came alive the second the sun went down.
Not unlike certain other entities she could mention.
Turning to face into her apartment Kate's gaze fell immediately upon the telephone. Her fingers were itching to pick it up and dial the familiar number.
"He must be pretty worried by now." She murmured to herself, a hint of guilt in her voice.
'You give yourself too much credit, Lockley.' A small voice whispered from the recesses of her mind 'He probably hasn't even realised you left.'
As far as Kate was concerned, skipping town hadn't been an entirely conscious decision. More like she had woken up the morning after Angel had saved her and gone into a trance. Before she knew it she had packed a few bags and closed her apartment door for the last time. She had only become properly aware of her actions halfway along the highway, sat on a coach full of holiday makers with some old guy named Marvin next to her.
The humidity and heat of the vehicle had turned her thoughts to Angel. Would he care that she had skipped town? Would he worry about her? Probably not. She had been pretty angry with him after he had pulled her into an icy cold shower because she'd OD'd on Painkillers.
And now it had been almost a month since she had left Los Angeles. She hadn't called him to let him know where she was, or even that she was alive. The apartment she was renting now was big and spacious and sunny. The furniture had been included in the asking price, which had been a little too cheap, in Kate's opinion. For three weeks she had been waiting for something to go wrong, for the roof to spring a leak or for the walls to cave in with dry rot. But it wasn't the dank little motel that she had been staying in before, so she tried to stay positive.
On her first night in Las Vegas Kate had sat for hours staring at the phone, willing herself to pick it up and dial the number for Angel Investigations. But she never did.
She told herself fiercely that she needed to separate herself from her old life and that included all the people she knew in Los Angeles. Until she had left, L.A had been her world; it had been all she knew. But now, that world had fallen apart around her. Maybe it had been crumbling for a long time before, but all Kate knew was that somewhere along the way, things had gone wrong.
She was using her savings to pay for the apartment but pretty soon she was going to need a job. The rent for the apartment was just under six hundred dollars a month, and the money in her bank account was getting pretty low.
Only in Kate's sleep did she ever truly relax. Awake she was constantly on her guard. Everyone on the street looked threatening to her, which was the main reason that she hardly ever left her apartment.
Crossing to the bedroom, Kate lay down on the bed and immediately fell into a deep sleep. She had been so tired for the past few weeks. All she seemed to do was sleep. She barely ever went out except to venture to the supermarket for oddities. She barely ate, only fixing food for herself when she was almost faint with hunger. Her weight had plummeted, and the face that greeted her in the bathroom mirror every day was sallow and pale.
In the dark waters of her mind, Kate dreamt. Suddenly she was standing in the Blue Bar again, in that blue dress that at least gave the impression that she was vaguely feminine. And her father was looking at her. She could see the embarrassment in his eyes, but she carried on regardless.
'After mom died, you stopped, you know? It was like you couldn't stand the sight of me.' In her minds eye, Kate could feel the tears welling up 'But big girls don't cry, right? You said, gone's gone, and there's no use wallowing - Worms and dirt and nothing, forever. Not one word about a better place.' A choked sob escaped from her lips 'You couldn't even tell a scared little girl a beautiful lie.'
Everyone thought that little outburst was down to her sensitivity training. The truth was that was how she really felt. Kate didn't know what made her say it, but the second she stood up to speak her heart had taken over, and all the years she had spent crying behind closed doors and sitting through the heartbreaking silences because Trevor Lockley could think of nothing to say to his daughter came pouring out.
And suddenly, quick as a flash she was stood in the door way to her father's apartment, seeing the very last dregs of life leave his body.
Kate fell to her knees 'No, Daddy, no…' Great sobs wracked her body as Angel watched on helplessly. Kate covered her father's body with her own.
'I wanted to save him. He – he wouldn't let me - Look, he was involved in something, Kate, in something he couldn't have understood.' Angel tried to explain.
'Get out! Get out get out get out! Please get out!' Kate yelled, almost hysterical.
Upon waking Kate blinked in the harsh sunlight pouring in through the window. She had forgotten to close the curtains.
The same dream. Every night, the same dream. She would go to sleep, her heart would break all over again, and then she would wake up.
Laying there, feeling so low and helpless, Kate almost began to cry. There was nothing left for her any more. Her father was dead, and she would forever shoulder the guilt for that. She had won nothing over him, had never made him proud of her the way she was of him. She had tried so hard and lost. Angel had tried to help her. Tried to save her when she didn't want to be saved, and she hadn't forgiven him for that. Why couldn't he have seen that she would have been better off dead?
Bringing her hand up Kate fiddled with the silver cross that adorned her neck. This was her protection, and also her belief in God.
Christianity teaches that there is a plan for us. A destiny that nobody except God himself can determine. Our destiny is not where we end up, but rather how we get there, the choices we make and how we live.
Trevor Lockley had never been a big believer in God or Heaven and after Kate's mother had died he did not speak of it, thus proving to Kate that her father had no time for anything he could not prove. After a few years of him being detached from the world, Kate turned to God in desperation, hoping that he would fill the empty space her father had left in her heart. It hadn't filled that particular void, but it had given Kate the strength she had needed to go on trying to win her father's love and respect.
Filled with a new resolve, Kate rose from her bed and moved through her apartment, throwing open all the windows, letting the fresh air and the noise of the early morning traffic in.
It seemed she would be going nowhere for a long time.
She would probably never be happy. She would never truly forgive herself for her father's death.
But it was a start.