John Watson knocked once, and upon encountering no answer from within, forced the door open to Sherlock Holmes' cluttered room. It had been three weeks since the detective's last successfully closed case and as a result he had diverted his attention to home projects in the absence of new interesting cases. Consequently, John now had to navigate his way through a forest of papers, chemicals and other assorted items that littered the floor of the detectives already cluttered dimly lit living space.
John found him draped dramatically over an arm chair in the far corner of the room, eyes shut, and face serene, deep in thought. "Do you know what we need Watson?" The detective questioned in his usual low even tone, eyes still shut as the footsteps of John ceased in front of him. "How did you know it was me?" John questioned, intrigued and anticipating a long winded explanation to come rolling smoothly from the tip of Sherlock's tongue in which Sherlock complied effortlessly with eyes still shut. "Simple my dear Watson, as you ascended the stairs I heard the tap of your cane once at the base of the stairs and once on the landing your cane being fashioned from rare materials makes its sound upon impact unique, you were also able to navigate your way flawlessly through my possessions about the room and Mrs Hudson makes a point to avoid me between cases as she likens me to a, 'deranged shut-in'." He said the last part with distaste. John suddenly felt stupid for asking. "She has a point" The doctor sighed, regarding the cluttered room, the lack of light due to half closed curtains and Sherlock's unkempt physical appearance. "For goodness sake Holmes it's the middle of the day, you do realise?" Lectured John as he moved to open the curtains beside the armchair the lounging detective was lazily slumped over. Sherlock raised himself up and opened his eyes in time to be caught of guard by the stream of bright summer sunlight, which suddenly filled the room. "Watson!" He cried falling off the armchair and landing ungracefully upon the floor. John made a hasty attempted at clearing space on the detective's desk which was piled high with papers and an assortment of strange objects. A dazed Sherlock pulled himself to his feet slowly using his beloved chair as support, whilst shielding his eyes from the unwelcome sunlight that had now highlighted the extremely messy room. "Watson, could you stop please" The detective's low and level tone now tinged with annoyance.
"Stop what?"
"Moving"
John dismissed his friends comment. "Holmes you have to get out of here, if only for a little while, you're driving everybody to the brink of insanity" Said the doctor, exasperated. "I cant see how I'm bothering anyone" Said the detective, life seeping back into his limbs as he steadied himself, resting half lidded eyes upon his friend who was, once again, hastily cleaning up after him. John paused and frowned disapprovingly at Sherlock "You mean to tell me you can't see how loud noises, small explosions and the sound of a violin, which is synonymous to the sound of a dying cat, at 3 in the morning, could possibly bother anyone?" asked the doctor, his tone growing slightly aggravated.
"I don't think that's fair to say at all...I don't play the violin that badly do I?"
John frowned again at his friend as he moved to steady a small mountain of papers which had collected in the far right corner of the room. "Honestly Holmes you are going to have to do something about this, I think that sometimes Mrs Hudson would have you out on your ear, and you have, successfully, replicated the living conditions of a hermit who has not seen daylight in 20 years" John huffed, neatly stacking papers.
"We need cases" The detective remarked draping himself back over his arm chair shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in thought. "We have cases" John said pointedly, turning to face the once again lounging detective. "Yes but none of them are remotely fascinating" Sherlock complained.
"Surely its better we take a look into at least one, lest you drive yourself, and the rest of us, insane" John said, as he moved to the second window and threw the curtains wide earning a small yell from Sherlock, who's eyes had not yet adjusted to the bright sunlight. "What have you been doing while I have been out?" questioned the Doctor as he gazed at his friend expectantly. "Contemplating" Replied the detective, regaining some of his vigour, he sat up, blinking, trying his best to adjust to the imposing light "Before you made a hasty attempt, to burn my retinas, I was contemplating."
"Contemplating what exactly?" Questioned the doctor.
"I shall explain"
"I wish you would" Said John as he collected an assortment of documents of which he removed from a chair, which he then placed himself upon looking at Sherlock as he meant him to continue. Sherlock was on his feet now, pacing as he spoke. "This morning a little after you departed to visit your patients I also left in an attempt to clear my mind, and perhaps, find us a case of intrigue, upon my return I noticed that there had been a disturbance, it appears as though an unpractised thief has attempted a break in."
"Really? I hadn't noticed any sign of a disturbance" Said John, slightly bewildered, glancing around and then returning his attention to the detective who had paused to address him.
"No Watson, you wouldn't, as the thief did not get as far as passing the front door, hence why I used the word, attempted"
"Right, do go on" John encouraged relief lining his features.
Sherlock resumed his pacing as he recounted further the mornings events. "As I approached the front door I noticed some, small scratches around the keyhole which suggested the would-be burglar had attempted to use some sort of lock pick, to the right of the keyhole and a little upwards the paint is splintered ever so slightly as if something had made small impact upon the door, and upon further investigation of the steps and doorway I also found remnants of a small lock picking device on the bottom and top steps. The evidence suggests that a man, a sizable chap, attempted to pick the lock after I departed this morning, the broken device and the splintered paint suggests that he struck the door with anger upon breaking the lock pick but not hard enough to attract unwanted attention, the fact that he left the remains suggests that he had cause to flee. This man is most obviously an opportunist which is why he attempted to break in through the front, he most likely saw you and I depart and took it as an opportunity to discretely break in and seize any valuables, as it was still early morning there would be less chance of him being disturbed."
"He has something in common with you then Holmes" remarked John. "And what would that be?" questioned the detective in puzzlement as he ceased his pacing to better address his friend. "You are both equally rubbish at breaking and entering" The doctor replied smiling in amusement, replaying some of the moments in his minds eye from previous cases where he had to assist Holmes gain access to buildings as the detective was very inept at forced entry. "Very amusing Watson, but you could take this a little more seriously" Said Holmes his expression slightly pained. "Apologies Holmes, please continue" John said as he tried his utmost to suppress his smugness. "After these events I have thus come to the conclusion that the protection of the occupants of this house and all of their worldly possessions is a top priority."
"Oh yes, what an earth would we do if someone were to steal your collection of shrunken heads" John interjected sarcastically. Holmes was just short of glaring, "I dare say Mrs Hudson is in possession of items of significant value" the annoyance tainting his speech ebbed away as he continued "and I dare say she would like to keep it that way."
"Okay Holmes and how do you plan on protecting us from the criminal class" a flash of panic flashed across the doctors face "oh no, you are not planning to set up the cannon with your makeshift silencer in the hallway are you?"
"Heavens no, something far more basic" Holmes replied. "Thank heavens" John sighed in relief "while we are on the subject, what exactly is the point in trying to muffle the sound of a cannon, I mean, it's a cannon... and where did you get it?"
"It is of no importance Watson, merely an experiment. Shall I continue?" The doctor waved his hand to show that Sherlock had his attention. "Do you remember the case before last, when we chased our suspect into that courtyard?" The detective inquired. John rather unwillingly replayed the incident in his head. They had chased the suspect down a side alley and moved to cut him off at the next street. They had scaled a fence and found themselves in a small courtyard. Sherlock with his back to John had deduced that the yard was home to a guard dog of some kind. John had on the other hand made a deduction of his own, there was indeed a guard dog, a large one at that, and he was staring right into its snarling face. They had of course escaped but not without casualties. John's waistcoat would never be the same again. "Of course, how could I forget" He huffed.
"Well that case gave me the idea for an effective method to protect this house. I believe we will be safe under the watchful eye of mans best friend."
Johns face fell. A dog. The very idea gave him chills, his mind conjured up the image of a huge beast lumbering around the room after him knocking the furniture aside whilst the detective draped himself casually over his arm chair. This would indeed be a very bad idea. "Absolutely not" John stated suddenly rising from his chair as though it were on fire.
"Come now Watson, you must not let the savaging of one waistcoat sway you, besides, you and I both know it was too small for you" Sherlock said moving to his desk and rummaging around its draws in search of more letters requesting his assistance. John stared at his friend incredulously. Sherlock's fingers came into contact with a sealed envelope which he opened and read its contents. John did not like the look in his friend's eyes. Sherlock's face was neutral as per usual however the glint in his eye was mischievous. "Come along Watson, we have work to be doing" Sherlock announced suddenly, storing the letter inside his shirt pocket and heading towards the door. "I'm not going, I have a prior engagement" John said quickly. The doctor rarely ever lied to Sherlock but this time he felt it a necessity to avoid being dragged into a situation he may not find desirable. Holmes turned to the doctor and pinned him under his analytical gaze. John attempted to maintain a straight face but he knew deep down that Sherlock would see right through him as through he were as transparent as a pane of glass. Sherlock began to approach him slowly "The distinct smell of chemicals and the inside of a dozen houses lingers on your clothes from where you have been making house calls to patients, there is nothing to your taste to be seen or heard of at the opera house and no one has sent for you, and if you really had a prior engagement you would have changed your apparel to something more, tasteful" The detective stopped short of the doctor his eyes practically beaming with triumph. John broke "fine!" Sherlock looked as gleeful as a child on Christmas morning as he skittered out of the door like an excitable Jack Russell with an utterly defeated doctor hot on his heels. No good could come of this.