Hi! I had the random thought of Orochimaru giving beauty advice, and somehow it led to this.

Note: If you think, or have ever thought ,that I own Naruto, please ask the nearest person to drive you to a mental hospital.

Orochimaru's thoughts

Make-up Girl's thoughts

It was common knowledge that being evil cost money; a lot more money than it costs to be good. The truth is that when you're good, people randomly give you stuff for just being nice. Orochimaru was perfectly aware of that fact, but there was no way he was ever going to be nice.

So, to make more money, Kabuto suggested a T.V. show. It wasn't the best idea, but Orochimaru was too busy ogling Sasuke to think of a better one.

"Kabuto! Where is the make-up artist?" the creepy snake weirdo screeched.

"Orochimaru-sama, she is here." Kabuto replied.

A short brown-eyed girl walked into the room. She carried a large snake skin bag in one hand, and an issue of the Kunoichi Monthly (co-written by Haruno Sakura, Yamanaka Ino, and Rock Lee) Despite her small stature, she walked with confidence.

"Let's get started." she said abruptly.

"You better make me look good or I'll let Sasuke *sigh* use you as a practice dummy." Orochimaru threatened. I don't want Sasuke thinking I'm ugly

"Of course, sir." she smirked. This is a challenge! But, Tsunade-sama certainly pays well. She'll get her money's worth.

The girl quickly went to work on the snake pedophile. Of course, if he hadn't been distracted by Sasuke getting his make-up done by Kakuzu (he'll do anything for money), Orochimaru would have noticed the rather odd make-up that was being put on his face.

"Sir, your make-up is done. Would you like me to call in Kabuto-sama to get your costume?" Make-up Girl asked.

"No, just grab it yourself." he commanded.

Make-up Girl's eyes practically sparkled. This was the perfect opportunity to make sure she got her pay. M.U.G. scurried out of the room and came back with a… something. The sneaky freak didn't even bother looking. He simply slipped on the costume, and left the room without saying thank you.

Eh? He's weird. How did he not notice? Whatever. I need to get out of here.

TIME SKIP

The camera started rolling. Orochimaru stepped out on stage. The rest of the (kidnapped) crew were stifling giggles. Make-up Girl was at home laughing her guts up. His appearance was something to behold.

His long black hair that he'd always been proud of was now a horrendous neon green color. His usual eye make-up had been switched out for ridiculous bright blue stars. Make-up Girl had painted his lips in a cliché blood red, and had made his skin look as orange as Naruto's jumpsuit.

The costume was an entirely different matter. It was a skin tight, snake skin full body suit with purple bells jingling with every step he took. On his feet, he wore 12-inch stiletto heel surprisingly well (which tells us he does cross dress in his free time). The funniest thing was that he didn't even notice the atrocity of what he was wearing.

IN TSUNADE'S OFFICE

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE DID SUCH A GREAT JOB!" Tsunade roared with laughter.

Sai, Naruto, and Sakura ran into the room, panicking.

"Lady Hokage, are you alright?" the pink-haired one asked.

"Of course! Look at this." Tsunade chuckled.

All three of them looked over at the television. Sakura passed out from shock. Naruto wondered why Sasuke had left Konoha to work for that. Sai, weird emotionless Sai, burst into the loudest laughter any of them had heard before.

Tsunade just smiled so sneakily. She was so going to hire that brown-eyed girl again. The outrageous prices she had to pay were definitely worth it.