Author's Note: Hey...it's 11:45pm here in my little town...I'm all alone
and thinking about my muse (Hotohori). Just graduated and I'm feeling a bit
empty. I started wondering what Hotohori would think late at night...all
alone...empty bed...dark room, yeah. I'm an odd one. So, why not write a
fic on it, my brain told me. So here I am, writing a fic about Hotohori's
thoughts late at night. I no own FY.
Musings By Moonlight
No...I don't want to face reality yet. Let me go back to dreaming. Damn...I can see that consciousness will not loosen its grip on me. My golden eyes scan my empty room. They fall beside me, to my bed. Vacant, as usual. I feel so alone sometimes. Like now, now is definitely one of those times where I feel completely helpless, like a child. And like a child I feel the need to be held. But I am not a child; I am the emperor of Konan. The eighteen-year-old emperor of Konan who is still a virgin and still has yet to bear an heir. I feel like...such a pitiful shell of a man. So many demands unfulfilled. My head hurts; probably from all this thinking at this ungodly hour of the morning. I'll lie down and pray to go back to sleep. Maybe sleep will claim me again. I hate not getting enough sleep...I never feel right.
The emperor lied back down onto his bed and turned onto his side. He shut his golden eyes and tired to fall back to sleep in vain. He rolled over onto his other side and faced the empty side of his bed. He placed an elegant hand on it. It was freezing. Hotohori brushed a lock of brown hair out of his face as he wondered for the ump-teenth time why his bed was not occupied by two bodies. He let out a forlorn sigh and shut his eyes again as his arm slipped gingerly under his pillow. While he appeared to be sleeping, Hotohori's head buzzed with thought.
Why do my prayers still go unanswered? Why has Suzaku not sent me an empress yet? Is it me? Did I commit some horrible, unearthly sin against the gods in my past life? Is that why I'm being punished now? Most likely. Then that's why my dreams have all been shattered in front of me. That's why my bed is still empty. That's why she loves him...
The emperor sat bolt upright in his bed. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep if he kept thinking such thoughts. So, Hotohori got out of bed and drew his robe around him. He cast a glance around his dark room, sighed, and left his quarters.
Miaka...why? Why him? Why not me? Is it because he's more like you? More...common? Is that why you do not favor me? Because I am royalty and not just an ordinary man?
Hotohori stepped outside onto the balcony and looked out into the gardens. A balmy spring breeze wrapped itself around the emperor. He sighed again and buried his head in his hands.
Its all over. My hopes and dreams for happiness shattered at my feet the moment I watched her touch his lips with her own. Why wasn't it me? Why couldn't I have been the one? I've waited since I was a child for her to come and rescue me from my loneliness. I must have done something wrong in order to be treated like this by Suzaku...
Hotohori pulled his head up and stared into the small fish pond in front of him. His eyes were beginning to redden from crying. He looked at himself in disgust.
I'm hideous when I cry...
A gentle hand tapped his shoulder. He wiped at his face hurriedly and turned around to face the cause of his broken heart.
Why do you have to show up now?! Why now, when I'm miserable and longing for YOU?!
"I heard you crying..." she said timidly. She looked down at her feet. Hotohori's eyes softened.
"Did you?" he asked trying not to sound harsh and cold. She nodded.
"I'm sorry," she said under her breath. Hotohori took her by the shoulders firmly.
"I don't need your pity, damn it!" he whispered callously. She flinched at his tone.
"You know I tried-" she began. Hotohori pushed her away from him.
"I know you tried! But do you think you'd honestly still love me after you looked at him just once after we were married?! Do you?!" he shouted into the night. All his emotions were raging. Here is where he told her what he felt no matter how bad it made her feel. She began to cry. Hotohori looked away from her. "Just leave." Soon, his rival in romance came running out of his room.
"Miaka..." he whispered comfortingly to her as he swept her off her feet and held her in his arms. With one last glare cast in Hotohori's direction he returned to his room. Hotohori listened to the door slide shut before laying his head in his arms and sobbing.
I hate them. Both of them! Her for letting me down, and him for taking my one chance at happiness away. So help me...I'll...
Hotohori shook his head. "No matter how much I may hate them," Hotohori said to himself, "I would never be able to harm them. Ever." With those last words whispered into the wind of the dark, the emperor returned to his room and lied back in his bed. This time, he had no trouble falling asleep, as his tears soaked the pillowcase.
Musings By Moonlight
No...I don't want to face reality yet. Let me go back to dreaming. Damn...I can see that consciousness will not loosen its grip on me. My golden eyes scan my empty room. They fall beside me, to my bed. Vacant, as usual. I feel so alone sometimes. Like now, now is definitely one of those times where I feel completely helpless, like a child. And like a child I feel the need to be held. But I am not a child; I am the emperor of Konan. The eighteen-year-old emperor of Konan who is still a virgin and still has yet to bear an heir. I feel like...such a pitiful shell of a man. So many demands unfulfilled. My head hurts; probably from all this thinking at this ungodly hour of the morning. I'll lie down and pray to go back to sleep. Maybe sleep will claim me again. I hate not getting enough sleep...I never feel right.
The emperor lied back down onto his bed and turned onto his side. He shut his golden eyes and tired to fall back to sleep in vain. He rolled over onto his other side and faced the empty side of his bed. He placed an elegant hand on it. It was freezing. Hotohori brushed a lock of brown hair out of his face as he wondered for the ump-teenth time why his bed was not occupied by two bodies. He let out a forlorn sigh and shut his eyes again as his arm slipped gingerly under his pillow. While he appeared to be sleeping, Hotohori's head buzzed with thought.
Why do my prayers still go unanswered? Why has Suzaku not sent me an empress yet? Is it me? Did I commit some horrible, unearthly sin against the gods in my past life? Is that why I'm being punished now? Most likely. Then that's why my dreams have all been shattered in front of me. That's why my bed is still empty. That's why she loves him...
The emperor sat bolt upright in his bed. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep if he kept thinking such thoughts. So, Hotohori got out of bed and drew his robe around him. He cast a glance around his dark room, sighed, and left his quarters.
Miaka...why? Why him? Why not me? Is it because he's more like you? More...common? Is that why you do not favor me? Because I am royalty and not just an ordinary man?
Hotohori stepped outside onto the balcony and looked out into the gardens. A balmy spring breeze wrapped itself around the emperor. He sighed again and buried his head in his hands.
Its all over. My hopes and dreams for happiness shattered at my feet the moment I watched her touch his lips with her own. Why wasn't it me? Why couldn't I have been the one? I've waited since I was a child for her to come and rescue me from my loneliness. I must have done something wrong in order to be treated like this by Suzaku...
Hotohori pulled his head up and stared into the small fish pond in front of him. His eyes were beginning to redden from crying. He looked at himself in disgust.
I'm hideous when I cry...
A gentle hand tapped his shoulder. He wiped at his face hurriedly and turned around to face the cause of his broken heart.
Why do you have to show up now?! Why now, when I'm miserable and longing for YOU?!
"I heard you crying..." she said timidly. She looked down at her feet. Hotohori's eyes softened.
"Did you?" he asked trying not to sound harsh and cold. She nodded.
"I'm sorry," she said under her breath. Hotohori took her by the shoulders firmly.
"I don't need your pity, damn it!" he whispered callously. She flinched at his tone.
"You know I tried-" she began. Hotohori pushed her away from him.
"I know you tried! But do you think you'd honestly still love me after you looked at him just once after we were married?! Do you?!" he shouted into the night. All his emotions were raging. Here is where he told her what he felt no matter how bad it made her feel. She began to cry. Hotohori looked away from her. "Just leave." Soon, his rival in romance came running out of his room.
"Miaka..." he whispered comfortingly to her as he swept her off her feet and held her in his arms. With one last glare cast in Hotohori's direction he returned to his room. Hotohori listened to the door slide shut before laying his head in his arms and sobbing.
I hate them. Both of them! Her for letting me down, and him for taking my one chance at happiness away. So help me...I'll...
Hotohori shook his head. "No matter how much I may hate them," Hotohori said to himself, "I would never be able to harm them. Ever." With those last words whispered into the wind of the dark, the emperor returned to his room and lied back in his bed. This time, he had no trouble falling asleep, as his tears soaked the pillowcase.