Author's Note:
Spelling and grammar are terrible for a reason (in certain parts), so you'll just have to deal with it. While this was more of a request than I challenge, it was a challenge for me to write. I hope it turned out okay anyway. A short, one-shot.
What had started out as a joke on Conan O'Brien's TV show 'Conan' was now becoming a real possibility. Chris Ultimo was brimmed with confidence, his stellar abs showing through the tight grey shirt he wore. He had enough hair gel in his hair to make the Leaning Tower of Pisa stand erect. He was seated in a waiting room, waiting for his name to be called for an audition that would land him as a regular cast member on the show 'Jersey Shore.' He'd sent in two video auditions and now he was in line for a one-on-one.
He winked at the girls giggling and ogling him from across the room. Not one to be shy or coy, Chris got up from his seat and walked over to them. "Zup chiquitas? How you doin?"
The girls laughed like high school teenagers.
"Datz kewl. I know I'm so stunning that my radiance leaves you speechless." Chris smiled, his teeth shining pristinely like the jewelry he wore.
One of the girls found the courage to speak. "Are you like an actor?"
"No acting here Chiquita. I'm one hundred percent Jersey Italian." Chris bent both his arms at the elbow and flexed his biceps.
A man walked out into the waiting room, and looked down at the clipboard in his hand. "Chris Ultimo?"
"That's my cue." With another award winning smile, Chris formed pistols with both of his forefingers and thumbs and "shot" them once. He then turned around to face the man who'd called his name. "Baller better holler, that's me."
The young man's eyes brows creased in obvious confusion. "Uh yeah. Whatever. Audition room is this way." He said then walked back through the door he had come through, not bothering to see if Chris followed or not.
"Hey player, don't be hatin' on me." Chris said as he trailed behind a man who took his job far too seriously.
"It's in there." The man said, indicating the door at the end of the hallway and then left.
With the same air of confidence he had in the waiting room, he walked into the audition room. Fear was not something Chris had, it was a foreign concept to him. He did everything with style and self-assurance.
"Chris Ultimo?" A lady seated behind a table with a pen in her asked.
"That's right pretty Chiquita."
"What makes you think you are Jersey Shore material?" A short, bald man next the woman asked.
"I'm straight ballin'"
"You realize you don't have to be in character yet? We're just going over preliminary questions." The third man at the table finally spoke.
"Cuz, I'm straight ballin' twenty-four-seven."
"Right. Thank you Mr. Ultimo. That'll be sufficient" The woman who had spoke first said.
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"Okay." Confused but still confident his interview went well, Chris left the room.
After he left, the three people in charge of casting talked amongst themselves.
"Do you think he's really that dumb, or was he just acting?" The bald man asked.
"Who cares? He's hired." The other man replied.
The woman nodded and they got up to go get lunch.